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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Am I being taken for a ride here??

100 replies

Venicebeachmaria · 08/04/2013 21:54

DP and I decided we wanted to buy a house together. Before taking that plunge however, we wanted to trial living together and as he doesn't currently have a home of his own (sold his house, split money with ex wife and now living with parents whilst he saves up for another deposit) I said he could come and live with me. He said in 4 months time, we could start looking into the finances etc to see what we could afford and what we needed to save etc. That was 6 months ago. So a few weeks ago I brought it up and he said he couldn't think about that until after our holiday. So the holiday comes and goes - we get back and I mention it again, he says he can't think about that until he's 'over' the jet lag etc . A week or so later I mention it again, he says he can't think about that until after Glastonbury (June!) so i said, "that's in June!" and he replied "yes and I also have to think about the summer holiday I'm having with my kids first" - That's august. It seems like there is always some excuse. He told me to save up and he'd do the same, so I have been - I've been saving every penny I have whilst he is going out buying football season tickets and booking festivals. Tonight he started going on about a holiday to Niagra Falls next year --- maybe I should say I can't think about that until AFTER the house thing is sorted?!
Tonight I tried a subtle hint by going on his ipad and leaving it open on Rightmove. When he came to use it, he turned rightmove off without even looking at it and put fucking candy crush on.
He's taking the piss isn't he?or am I being too pushy which is what he implies?

OP posts:

Report

myroomisatip · 08/04/2013 23:24

What AF said.

(AF I wish you were my friend in RL! )

AnyFucker · 08/04/2013 23:25

thank you, myroomisatip

Venicebeachmaria · 08/04/2013 23:26

I'm going to tell him we either start the ball rolling now with regards to buying a house or he needs to move out of my house as living together obviously isn't a priority of his.

OP posts:

Helltotheno · 08/04/2013 23:27

Lawd honey how did you get suckered in by that??
I think you need to kick his entitled, cock-lodging ass to the kerb yesterday.
I think you need to review your relationship too. A user and tight into the bargain... not exactly a great catch!

AnyFucker · 08/04/2013 23:28

this was a "trial period", right ?

he failed the trial

NorksAreMessy · 08/04/2013 23:28

Hmmm, I would be VERY wary of throwing my lot in with this gentleman.
He seems to have a "what's yours is mine and what's mine's my own" attitude which I can't believe will magically alter if you ever buy a house together.

je smells un raton!

NorksAreMessy · 08/04/2013 23:30

Also very tempted to say QLB (French for....)
He really is going to string you along foreverandeverandeverandeverandever

NorksAreMessy · 08/04/2013 23:30

...andever

ChasedByBees · 08/04/2013 23:36

Ooh no no. He's not a keeper OP.

Xales · 08/04/2013 23:45

bangs head on wall

For gods sake don't start the ball rolling on financially tying yourself to a man happy to live off your money while spending all his as he pleases.

Spend 6 months to a year contributing equally and see how that goes first.

DontSHOUTTTTTT · 08/04/2013 23:45

He is showing his true colours........ Are you sure you want to buy a house with him ????

AnyFucker · 08/04/2013 23:47

I don't think you are quite getting it

PostmanPatricia · 08/04/2013 23:53

He should be paying you at least £500/month to live in your house. Maybe more, depending on where you live/your mortgage.

Tell him so.

Monty27 · 09/04/2013 00:03

I luff AF ahem...

Back to thread... yep cocklodger, get rid.

JollyGolightly · 09/04/2013 00:03

No, no ball-rolling must occur. Unless the ball be one of his (see what I did there?)

Do not buy a house with this man; he has shown that he is not to be trusted, he's selfish and does not have real respect for you. Please, please make a strong and self-respecting choice, don't get in any deeper

Viviennemary · 09/04/2013 00:03

Well why would he want to buy a house when he already has one. Yours. This just isn't fair of him at all. You don't say if you are planning to sell your own house. But it sounds as if he's is perfectly happy with the status quo so isn't in a great hurry to move. he's got a nerve really when he earns so much more than you do. But don't write him off yet. But if he doesn't show willing soon something will have to be done.

AnyFucker · 09/04/2013 00:06

What is the point of a "trial period" if you take no notice whatsoever of the results ??

AnyFucker · 09/04/2013 00:06

monty x

Primafacie · 09/04/2013 00:14

Dump him. HTH

Seriously, there are loads of decent men out there. He isn't one of them.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 09/04/2013 00:37

I'm quite a nice bloke, and I cook. Can I come and live with you, too?

Promise to pay my way as soon as my long lost Aunt sends me that money she owes me............

Really, OP. He's living the dream, isn't he............

Midwife99 · 09/04/2013 00:43

If he does love you, a bit of time to think away from your freebie house may clarify his thinking?! But I think he has failed really. When DH moved into my house before we were married he gave me £1200 a month to cover my loss of tax credits & his share of the food & bills. And he had a mortgage elsewhere. And maintenance for his DD. Your man is a tight wad!!

Angelico · 09/04/2013 00:47

These threads actually make me angry.

Make him pay his way or kick him out. It really is that simple.

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nocake · 09/04/2013 08:14

No, no, no.... do not under any circumstances buy a house with this man. Seriously... listen to us. It will lead to pain and heartache. Get rid of him while it's easy. It will be so much harder when you're tied together.

LisaMed · 09/04/2013 08:38

OP - why do you think his behaviour will be any different if you get a house together?

Ragwort · 09/04/2013 08:49

Venice - what everyone else says, this 'trial' has shown that he is not a mature, committed adult looking for a relationship between two equals. Why on earth would you want to buy a home with someone with this attitude? Seriously, what do you get out of this relationship? If you really 'love' him & enjoy your time together , let him move out and just be boy/girl friends you may suddenly find he is no longer interested in you.

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