If a friend became rich would it affect your friendship? Mine has.

[pooroldme]

Opinions and experiences please......

a good friend and I are drifting apart for various reasons- we don't live close by which doesn't help- but she has become seriously rich over recent years.

She doesn't flaunt her wealth but her perspective has changed hugely. eg she buys Armani jeans at £150+ and says they are good value as they last ( so do Uniqlo @ £20!). Recently she bought 3 designer hand bags totalling around £3K. I ummed and aaaaahd for ages over £150 for a bag I liked.

When we first met my DH and hers earned almost the same- now her DH earns goodness knows what- about £400K I think- and they are millionaires if you add up all the property they own. She doesn't work, whereas I have 2 p/t jobs. We aren't badly off compared to others but compared to her we are.

I know this comes over as a green eyed monster- it's not that- I just feel the money has driven a wedge between us and she has lost track of how most people live.

She refers to friends she has who are 'so kind' and 'so generous' but they are in the same boat financially as she is and think nothing of spending a huge amount on a gift for her etc.

Can money change things?

I've drifted apart from a friend who became much wealthier.

The problem was that everything they suggested doing involved spending more money than I could reasonably afford. After a while, she ended up socialising with people who had the money to keep up with her. It's just the way it goes.

Your friend would be mortified and upset to think that you are re-evaluating your friendship just because she has more money than you. Surely, that is not what friendship is about? You don't specify any behaviour on her part that has made anything difficult or awkward for you apart from you noting how much she spends, which is not much to do with you.

Perhaps she feels the need to say that the jeans etc are good value to try to defuse embarrassment at the fact she is spending money she knows that you can't ,match, and is making an effort to bridge the gap between you. It doesn't sound nastily meant.

Try to keep your friends :-)

Inhaven had this very scenario and we justdriftedcapart tbh. We sent cards at Xmas etc but never really socialised as her life changed radically ad I coudn't afford similar. Ffwd about 8 years and rich husband left her ad I was the first person she rang! He has had to sell big house ad gombackto normal!

Yes it does change things. YOu both just have to renegotiate the change.

Having money can be exciting - especially if you didn't have it before - and newly-rich people sometimes can't help drooling over the newness and enjoyment of it. It sounds like your friend feels she has to justify what she is spending her money on but she's an idiot to bring up the price in the first place, or to justify it. She is being ham-fisted with her new wealth and yes, I expect it will overshadow your friendship. You both have to have some grace about it and renegotiate the profile of your friendship imo eg what you can still share equally together.

You say your friend has lost track of how people live. You were considering spending £150 on a hand bag....

That for some people would be a disgusting waste of money. it's all relative to what you can afford.

OP, you seem lovely but can't help feeling you've lost perspective on how much things cost and what's good value.

That you pay £20 for Uniqlo jeans, I buy mine off ebay or from charity shops for under a fiver and they last 2 yrs.

Saying that my friend from Malaysia thinks our friendship is becoming strained and that I've lost touch with reality because I'm always going on about what good value my £5 jeans are. She buys her jeans for 50p...