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Original poster

my body

26 replies

bluetea · 06/04/2013 11:20

I asked my partner if I would look better thinner, he said yes. That hurt. Really hurt.

I am a size 16 and have a 9 month old baby. He is gym mad. He wants me to be gym mad too. I know that he finds my post baby body less attractive than before I fell pregnant. I was a size 12 before.

Is he a dick? Should he love my body? Or does he have the right to think and feel the way that he does?

OP posts:
HeySoulSister · 06/04/2013 11:21

why did you set yourself to hear that tho....would yourather he lied??

Casmama · 06/04/2013 11:23

You asked him a direct question and he gave you an honest answer. I am a large size 16 and was a 14 when I met my dh. I know my body looked better then but it would hurt me to hear him say that so I wouldn't ask.

Original poster
bluetea · 06/04/2013 11:24

This is the problem, would I rather he tell me the truth or that he is honest?

As for why I asked? I dont know, well, I think i do, I wanted to confirm what I thought he felt about my body.

So I guess it serves me right.

OP posts:
Locketjuice · 06/04/2013 11:28

Hmm, maybe he told you to give to the kick up the arse to get to post baby weight, although its not very nice to hear Hmm

And he does sound insensitive he could have said it in a nicer way..

Locketjuice · 06/04/2013 11:30

AND its your body if your happy at whatever size you are 8 or 28 I don't think it matters (although i think you are most likely not or you wouldn't have asked his opinion)

Sleepwhenidie · 06/04/2013 11:30

What do you feel about your body? I suspect if you asked yourself the same question you would give yourself the same answer...so its a bit unfair yo expect him to lie...and if he had said something different would you really have been reassured anyway?

HeySoulSister · 06/04/2013 11:33

locket how could he say 'yes' in a nicer way? he was put on the spot,op required an answer...

scarletforya · 06/04/2013 11:35

Well you did ask. I don't think he's a dick, he was just being honest.

I know it's really hard losing weight though. I find weight watchers really good. My baby is 9 months too and I've lost 2.5 stone with them since October...I think the gym is impractical if you have a baby!

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 06/04/2013 11:37

I agree that if you asked you should have been prepared for the answer. Would you be happy if he put on a lot of weight? Are you happy with the size you are now?

I know it's hard but if you will feel better by losing some weight then the sooner you start the better you will feel. My dc3 is 5 months and I've been doing slimming world on-line. I've lost 2 1/2 st since I stopped bfing at 7 weeks and am 4 lb off my target weight. I feel so so so much better. If you are happy then that's fine, but if you tackle it you will be healthier, have more energy/confidence etc

beatlegirl · 06/04/2013 11:37

I think you're being unfair to him. If you're a size 16, then clearly you'd look better thinner. I'm a size 16 myself by the way. And I know I'm fat.

Original poster
bluetea · 06/04/2013 11:38

Thanks for all of your replies. I do agree with you all. I thought i was happy with my body, but clearly i'm not otherwise I wouldn't have asked him, I shouldn't expect him to lie, i did put him on the spot. I am overweight and I do need to loose weight. Thanks x

OP posts:
Fisharefriendsnotfood · 06/04/2013 11:41

bluetea check on the slimming world thread on the weight loss club page

Original poster
bluetea · 06/04/2013 11:44

beatlegirl, you are right, I would clearly look better thinner.

OP posts:
HeySoulSister · 06/04/2013 11:46

at least its something you can fix!!

I have lost 3 stone recently....low carbing is good.

BeanoGrigio · 06/04/2013 11:52

I think the question was a bit set up so 'yes' was the only answer really. Saying yes to 'would I look better thinner' is different to saying yes to 'would you like/love me more if I was thinner?' 'Would you like me to be thinner?' or 'Are you unhappy with my body at the moment?' Although I could see how you could infer these things from that answer, if that makes sense.

If you're unhappy with your body and feel like you want to take steps to change it then do, but I wouldn't ask a question like that if you want reassurance. If your feeling a bit insecure and need reassurance then I would be honest and say that you are feeling a bit unconfident and worried that dh might not like you as much at the moment - that's a completely different q in my opinion.

Think if you were to answer the question 100% honestly about him 'Do you think I'd look better if I worked out a bit more?/lost a bit of beer belly? etc' Even if you're happy with your ov's appearance and have no issues the objective answer would probably be yes.

OhLori · 06/04/2013 11:53

The difference between a size 14 and a size 16 is not that great IMO. Its not like you put on 5 stone with a beer gut to match. So, I think my question would be (a) do you think your partner really loves and accepts you? (maybe that's what fuelled your question of him?). And (b) do you genuinely love and accept yourself (a harder question perhaps).

p.s. size 16 is not necessarily "fat". It can come with being tall, muscular and large-boned. All women have difference builds. I get tired of the derogatory way women's sizes are described.

Llareggub · 06/04/2013 11:56

I know I feel better when I am thinner, but I love eating and drinking too so I know the only answer for me is to move around more. Exercise makes me enormously happier so in many ways its a win win all round.

DontmindifIdo · 06/04/2013 11:57

Men often hear us complaining about a problem and think of solutions, when what we want to hear is "don't be silly, it's fine".

Is he happy to look after your DC so you can have the time to go to the gym/see a personal trainer? If your baby is only 9 months old, I'd not just start working out for yourself, try to book an appointment with a personal trainer who's had some training/experience in training post-partum woman - I believe for the first year you're higher risk of doing yourself a mischief as different woman's bodies heal at different speeds.

Is there little ways you can add exercise into your day? I got my figure back at around that stage because I simply made friends with another mum who lives round the corner from me, but her DH takes their only car to work so she had to walk everywhere. I got in the habit of walking to baby and toddler groups with her when i'd previously driven, often 45-50 minute walks up to town, it really made a difference quickly.

If there's spare cash in the budget after I have this DC, I'm going to buy a jogging buggy for when this one's 6 months and make myself go for a run after dropping DS at pre-school at least once a week. I'm not sure how much difference that will make, but adding some exercise in is usually easier than self denial when pretty much every mum and baby meet up includes cake and biscuits...

HeySoulSister · 06/04/2013 12:01

ohlori me too!! im 6 feet tall and any smaller than size 12 and I look ridiculous!!

EuroShaggleton · 06/04/2013 12:08

Don't ask the question if you don't want to know the answer! He was blunt, but I can't blame him when you put him on the spot like that.

I've put on half a stone recently. Not much, but enough to have a few ugly bulges and for some of my favourite clothes not to fit. I'm not asking my husband if I looked better without a belly spilling over my jeans as I am sure I know the answer! I certainly preferred myself that way. I know he still loves me just as much though, which is an entirely different issue.

RumbleGreen · 06/04/2013 13:41

You asked him a question he answered it honestly and would like you to go to the gym like he does?

No his not a dick sounds like you asked a problem and he offered a solution.

Flobbadobs · 06/04/2013 14:00

He could have phrased it slightly better "yes, but I still find you sexy/attractive" that would have been a nice rider to add onto the end!
However it does look like you will get alot of support from him if you now say "ok then, help me lose some weight" if he's gym mad he will know his stuff and back you up.

FarBetterNow · 06/04/2013 14:06

Would you enjoy going to the gym?
Do you have time to go to the gym?

Can DP look after baby whilst you escape to the gym?

Original poster
bluetea · 06/04/2013 16:51

I have been thinking a lot about this since posting this morning. I do need to loose weight, I'm not happy about the way I look, which is why I asked the question this morning. I really dontt think tthat I wiuld care if he put on a bit of weight. I love him for who he is, not what he loooks like. Ye is shrtand bald, but that doesn't stop me wanting him. I m hurt at his bluntness, but that's what he's like. I guess I need to get sed to it. He doesn't tell me that I'm sexy or that he wants me. I guess the problem goes deper than just my image. Thanks everyone x

OP posts:
ThePinkOcelot · 06/04/2013 20:07

You did ask Blue. By the looks of it, you are not happy with the way you look at the moment. If you are anything like me, you just grab the handiest thing to eat with a 9 month old. Why not set yourself small goals, like a 1/2 stone at a time?
I'm currently doing Rosemary Conley online, though tonight I have just eaten 2 slices of pizza of some chips! Not included in the diet! Anyway, I have tried WW and much prefer RC.
I don't think your DH was a dick. He just gave you an honest answer. I'm a size 12, but normally a 10 and have just over a stone to lose, but I wouldn't ask my DH that question. I know he much prefers me without this muffin top!