Dh and sensual massage!

[Cuddlemedolly]

My dh was abroad with work a few weeks ago. I was playing on his phone and found that he had been for a sensual massage. He didn't mention it to me at all. He had clearly researched to find a place that offered this certain type of massage (you normally have to be naked and it is described as being sensual etc). Quite often if you type in the massage into google you will get some 'erotic' massage places come up. He had looked at these sites too. Although lots of places offer these massages without being dodgy.

He didn't mention having the massage at all and there has been plenty of opportunity too. I have raised it with him, he got quite defensive and said he didn't tell me because it would have looked dodgy and although he had this type if massage he went to a legitimate place where it was all above board.

I'm not sure what I'm asking really. What would you think? He has had a sensual massage and deliberately kept it from me. He wanted to book me a treatment recently and suggested this type of massage, but when I looked into it, nowhere really does them and they are quite sensual, so I declined. Not once did he say he had had one whilst away.

The above sounds mad. Am I being paranoid!

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Indeed, and in my experience (just as a client) "above-board" places often go out of their way to emphasize that they do NOT offer extras! It saves embarrassment all round. There's a famous men's spa in London that says pretty bluntly on its etiquette page that anyone asking for or engaging in sexual activity in the course of their treatment will be escorted from the premises. I've never been to or heard of a spa or therapy room or beauty place that let the word "sensual" anywhere near its list of services. Because obviously that is asking for it to be misconstrued.

I don't think there is the "borderline" nature to this stuff that the OP is assuming.

Cuddle, you've made some unreasonable connections in recent posts about nakedness during a massage. Many massages are carried out on a naked client, with a strategically placed towel. This is usual. It does NOT blur any boundaries or imply any potentials for 'extras'.

The use of the word 'sensual' in connection with a massage service ALWAYS implies sexual elements.

Are you confusing it with 'sensuous'? Massage therapists tend not to use that word either, as it generates too many creep calls, but the meaning is actually quite different.

It's not usual for the masseur/se to be naked, either. We may make an exception for Hulldad's naturist spa, but that's a whole different area. Outside of that, a naked masseuse is likely to be 'massaging' your H's body with her breasts.

You might want to buy your husband's bullshit, but I don't. Get him to book you a sensual yoni massage! It could be the start of a whole new adventure between you ...

OP, read about lomi lomi massage:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lomilomi_massage

It's not supposed to be 'sensual'.

You are being lied to. You want to believe it, so you're closing your mind.

You know what, op?
Believe him.
But have an sti check, ok?

Gobsmacked that you still believe his bullshit OP and even more that you are defending him, just take a look at the trail he's left behind! I don't know if this has been asked before or if it was Answered but ... Which country was he in when he had this massage?

You're gaslighting people who you asked for advice OP.

Your husband is a cheat. He looked up the kind of massage that involves sexual services. He looked up the masseuse who has a sideline as a stripper, so he could get hard thinking about her before the appointment.

He went for the massage.

You found out, and he's backtracking.

But you smell a rat and come on MN, maybe to have your fears confirmed, maybe for reassurance.

You don't get the reassurance.

You backtrack.

Well he's your man, so your boundaries are up to you. But as the PP said, get an sti check. You still need one if you use condoms and if you give him oral sex you need a throat swab.

Everything killerrobot said.

Best of luck, I really hope you're not back in a few months with the same problem but MN is here if you need it.

Oh dear. I wish you luck OP. You're going to need it...

The naïveté would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

Like hell was it 'above board'

OP I fear you are deluded.

Live in denial if you want, but as others have said, get an STI check for your own health and protection.

No legitimate masseuse would offer that kind of massage

I beg to differ. I know many very legitimate, trained and qualified massage therapists who also do sensual massage "on the side" so to speak, as well as therapeutic. I know one who is an NHS practitioner also.

Still reading through the posts on this thread, not got them all yet.

OP, if anywhere on the advertising or on the phone either "sensual" or "undraped" is mentioned, it means handjobs. I know this as I do this! It's not conjecture. Also if the woman is also a burlesque dancer, I'd say that raises the possibilities even more.

Sorry OP. I think the main issue here though is his continued "default" of lying. I was once with someone like this, it almost drove me insane.

Also, I do offer "sensual" massage , and even I don't get naked! Not even at all. Because I find that massaging sensual customers nude they would definitely expect full service rather than just the hand relief and that would be very awkward. I'd feel very confident in saying that if the masseuse herself is naked (and why on earth would she be if not offering sensual?!), then the massage is definitely sensual in nature.

OP only you can decide what to do about this. However it's the fact that your H is by nature a liar which should make you want to leave.

The word sensual has lost all meaning after this thread

I remember reading your other post not so long ago about your dp checking out his female student tenants on facebook.

Both these situations dont look good. was he abroad when he had this "sensual massage"?

Good God, was that him ?

Is Op on a windup then ?

She can't seriously be still giving this dodgy twat the benefit of the doubt ?

Indeed it is

OP, stop pissing around or dump your skank of a partner

whichever it is, I don't think MN can help you

OP he saw someone for sexual massage. Of course place is legitimate or it wouldn't be able to advertise. Either you don't believe him in which case take advice you asked for , or you believe him so why are you here?

Op, it hasn't taken your dh long to get over his last perving session to play bad boy again has it?
he does seem to get away with it each time though so why not?
its up to you really if you are happy with this situation.
a liar is a liar, big lies are far more exciting.

How many times are you going to let him get away with this? he is a perv and is cheating on you.

op has been mugged off spectacularly. She has not receieved the replies she expected, therefore has backtracked.

Her dh must be chuffed with himself. Even with all the facts, she believes the rubbish he has said.

Thing is, astonishingly some men seem to actually think that a handjob with massage isn't really same as sex or cheating. He probably belives his own lies.

"She can't seriously be still giving this dodgy twat the benefit of the doubt ?

erm, she has 3 kids and a baby. I can completely see why she is in denial

I know you lot have been through ALOT of shit, but alot of the posts read very harshly

not everyone sees the light when we would like them to , go easy on her

and stop accusing her of fucking gaslighting!

Any updates cuddlemedolly? Are you ok?

OP's head is buried deep in the sand

I also remember the FB perv thread; didn't realise it was the same poster.

I have a feeling the OP will continue to 'allow' these behaviours which is very sad but at the end if the day it's her life and only she can make that decision.

FWIW, OP, I really don't think things will get better for your marriage. The more you look the other way, the more your H will believe he is entitled to.

Best of luck.