Dh and sensual massage!

[Cuddlemedolly]

My dh was abroad with work a few weeks ago. I was playing on his phone and found that he had been for a sensual massage. He didn't mention it to me at all. He had clearly researched to find a place that offered this certain type of massage (you normally have to be naked and it is described as being sensual etc). Quite often if you type in the massage into google you will get some 'erotic' massage places come up. He had looked at these sites too. Although lots of places offer these massages without being dodgy.

He didn't mention having the massage at all and there has been plenty of opportunity too. I have raised it with him, he got quite defensive and said he didn't tell me because it would have looked dodgy and although he had this type if massage he went to a legitimate place where it was all above board.

I'm not sure what I'm asking really. What would you think? He has had a sensual massage and deliberately kept it from me. He wanted to book me a treatment recently and suggested this type of massage, but when I looked into it, nowhere really does them and they are quite sensual, so I declined. Not once did he say he had had one whilst away.

The above sounds mad. Am I being paranoid!

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[TheOrchardKeeper]

Have you seen a receipt then OP?
Bank statement?

If not I'd be disinclined to believe the git.

[CajaDeLaMemoria]

Seriously?

Of course the website looks legit. It has too.

And it's interesting that not only did your DH seek out an "empowering" sexual massage, but he noted down the name of his masseuse, and hunted out other information about her.

Then he lied about it, and continues to lie about it. He knows full well that you won't do anything about any of this, that's why he's continuing to lie while you both know what happened.

[AnyFucker]

OP, by describing it as a "legit" website, did you think for one minute it could have been something like "GetYourHandJobsHere.co.uk" ?

[LemonPeculiarJones]

The constant drip-drip-drip of lying would be enough of a deal breaker for me OP.

And now he's had a 'sensual' massage. This would disgust me on two levels:

He betrayed you and his family.

He used another human being sexually, as if they were an object to be bought.

So sorry OP. You deserve better than this.

[GirlWiththeLionHeart]

Doesn't it have to pose as legit because prostitution is illegal?!

[garlicballs]

Prostitution isn't illegal.

[ifancyashandy]

I've asked a friend who is a qualified massage therapist and does football teams and the like (Swedish, aromatherapy, deep tissue etc) what a 'sensual massage' consists of. She has no idea... But guesses, like the majority on here, that it infers a sexual element.

Sorry OP.

[Amberz]

If not convinced Google it it says sensual massage is intimacy with your partner that is what it is ALL about , sorry he is lying , he had hand job .

[snowyskies]

I'm a massage therapist. Sensual massage isn't something I do, because I'm not a prostitute. Nowhere on my website does it say sensual and neither does it on any of the therapists I know. Because it would mean "extras".

No legitimate masseuse would offer that kind of massage. I have been offered jobs doing that kind of massage - it meant hand jobs. I declined.

I don't even use aromatherapy oils which are sensual, because I don't wish my clients to get hot and horny!!

I know I'm sounding blunt and for that I apologise. But there are normal massages (and men have those for stress, injuries, etc) and there's the happy ending type. There isn't another type!!

[HullDad]

I've just read this post and would like to give my opinion from a man's perspective.

Trust
First of all, i'm wondering why "Cuddlemedolly" was "playing" with his phone. Do you not trust him and have to read all his messages. If you mistrust him so much, you will never believe anything he says.

I'm a dad and have never looked at my wife's phone messages/calls. I do not even answer her mobile if it rings and she's in the bathroom or otherwise unable to answer. As far as i'm aware, she's never "played" with my phone.

Massage
I have experienced massage with male and female therapists in many different places, in the UK and abroad including several hotels in Malta, the Sheraton Spa in Edinburgh, my local hair and beauty salon and Elixir Health Club at Alexandra Palace (Naturist Spa).

In my case, I like a relaxing aromatherapy massage. I didn't enjoy the Thai massage as I was put into all sorts of positions that I didn't think I should be in. I would not have a sports massage as I've had some massages where the therapist has applied more pressure than i'm used to and it's hurt.

I've had a Thai massage where I was fully dressed, many aromatherapy Swedish style massages wearing underwear and covered with towels, aromatherapy massages without underwear but covered with towel (draped) and naturist massage.

When I've had underwear on, the therapist has often pulled them down gently at the waist to be able to massage the lower back area and then pulled them back up again afterwards. I've asked several therapists that I've seen and many have said it is easier to massage without underwear as the strokes flow easier.

At the Sheraton Spa in Edinburgh, I had a 4 handed massage (two therapists) as well as other treatments including mud wrap. For the mud wrap, I was given a pair of paper knickers to save my own getting messed up. I had the mud applied to my back first, then turned over to have my chest and legs covered. After the mud wrap, I had a shower before my massage and was told that it would be better for the therapist if I didn't wear my underwear. This was because when I was on my front, they could do strokes up the full leg, over the buttocks and to lower back and back again. When it came to turning over, the towel was placed over me, then the therapist leaned over to lift the far side while I turned over, then lowered it back over me. This meant that she could only see the towel and my head so could see when I was turned over without seeing my naked body. When on my back, the towel was moved to waist level for my chest and raised up to upper thigh for my legs without any risk of exposure.

Although the massage at Elixir Health Club is a true naturist massage (the masseuse and client are both naked and the client is not covered with a towel/sheet) there is definitely NO sexual contact. As stated on the website and clearly in the rooms

(Warning: To ask for sexual services at any time will result in immediate termination of the massage without refund. Elixir is a genuine naturist spa.)

Erection
A previous comment mentioned that if Cuddlemedolly's masseuse was attractive, he would get an erection. It is not always the case. I have been on naturist beaches and in naturist spas and can say that I've never had an erection in those circumstances as it wasn't a sexual situation.

Giver and Receiver
As well as having massages to relax me and help with back pain, I also enjoy giving massage to my wife and other ladies. With my wife, she obviously is happy to be naked, whereas with other ladies, they are usually in their underwear and draped with a towel. A few times, my wife has been so relaxed, she's only had half a massage as she's fallen asleep on her front so I've then covered her to keep her warm and let her sleep rather than wake her to get her to turn over.

Finally
Massage is a legitimate activity. Why do some people assume that because a man has a massage, he is after something more than massage? How many ladies have had a massage at their gym from a very toned muscular guy?

[SlumberingDormouse]

HullDad - I don't think anyone's disputing that there are reputable masseuses out there who are definitely not offering sexual services. However, have you ever specifically gone for a self-described sensual massage? No need to answer! - but I do think that there is a clear difference, and that the 'sensual' terminology hints that there is more on offer. It's similar to how 'massage parlour' is often used as a euphemism for a brothel.

[HullDad]

SlumberingDormouse

No, I've not gone for a sensual massage.

I do agree about "Massage Parlour" means a brothel. I think that the price given on the phone helps to differentiate between a reputable massage and a sexual one. In Hull, my local hair and beauty salon charges £35 for an hour full body massage. Would anyone seriously expect sexual services included for that price?

I was talking to a masseuse during my massage today and she was saying that in the UK, many see massage as a sexual thing, whereas in other countries, it is accepted for what it is. She would try to avoid mentioning her job to others as when people knew, they automatically thought she offered more than just a massage (which she does not)

[BOF]

Hulldad, interesting though your post is, it is utterly irrelevant in this situation.

[notthesamenametoday]

Agree,BOF.

It IS interesting. But the OP's husband has sought a 'sensual' massage and been given one by a burlesque dancer who he has checked out first. Not so innocent.

[AnyFucker]

I think some people just like the sound of their own voices/like to see their words in type.

[Cuddlemedolly]

Just to clarify dh didn't seek out a sensual massage, he looked for a lomi lomi massage which is a relaxing, empowering and sensual. It is normally carried out naked with draping. It is a non sexual massage, but because it is carried out naked some places offer 'extras''. The massage itself was legitimate, but when he was looking for one he came across some dodgy sites which offered all sorts of massages and out if curiosity he looked at these sites.

He did book and gave the massage at a genuine place, I have seen the website and it is genuine. It is because he lied about it, booked it in secret and covered his tracks. He has many massages in the uk, but I just think a naked massage by someone who is also a 'dancer' crosses a certain boundary, especially when it is in secret. It just feels a little sordid, even though the massage was non sexual.

[Leavenheath]

From your OP:

I was playing on his phone and found that he had been for a sensual massage. He didn't mention it to me at all. He had clearly researched to find a place that offered this certain type of massage (you normally have to be naked and it is described as being sensual etc).



Believe his lies if you want to, but don't gaslight posters who can read what you said earlier.

[AnyFucker]

It's so irritating when OP's do that.

OP, you are defending a liar. Maybe you have reconciled yourself to that, but asking for opinions and then backtracking is really not cricket.

[Doha]

Cuddlemedolly my love your DH thinks your are a fool. Please don't prove him right.
Open your eyes and see him for the lying toad that he is.

[MadBraLady]

Just to clarify dh didn't seek out a sensual massage, he looked for a lomi lomi massage which is a relaxing, empowering and sensual

Right, so a lomi lomi massage is sensual?

[Cuddlemedolly]

Yes if you look up lomi lomi, it will describe it. It is sensual in parts. Some places offer more 'services', probably because it is performed naked.

[snowyskies]

A lomi lomi massage should be spiritual, not sensual. I'm not sure what websites you are looking at but sensual is not a word that should be on there.

[CajaDeLaMemoria]

Has your DH explained why he looked up the masseuse?

[MadBraLady]

I did look up lomi lomi when you first mentioned it, and the Wikipedia entry makes no mention whatever of any sensual elements.

Whatever they've called it on the price list, he has had a sensual massage given by a burlesque dancer. I'm a little at your insistence that this must have been "non-sexual", because basically none of us knows either way, do we and let's face it, the signs are not good. How classy their website is is really irrelevant at this point.

He seriously needs to start talking honestly to you. If he isn't mortified by this whole thing and falling over himself to reassure you, that's not good.

[snowyskies]

What I'm trying to say here, and I apologise if this isn't relevant. Is that an above board massage is never described as sensual. I know a lomi lomi masseuse and she would not describe it in that way. It might be a classy looking website and seem absolutely fine but sensual means erotic which means extras.

Why are you thinking this is ok???