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Original poster

Hmmm. I don't like this fancying someone business.

73 replies

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/04/2013 14:58

Broke up with my DD's dad 3 years ago and hadn't fancied anyone since then. Plus 3 + years of our relationship plus when I had started like him few month before = 7 years out of the game. Now I like someone and it's getting stressful already.

I feel like an idiot. Was terribly disappointed earlier on that he's not coming to this evening's drinks Hmm. Then I feel crap because he doesn't probably fancy me in spite me fancying him only for a week or 10 days after knowing him for 2 years. And he just broke up with a girlfriend he didn't get along with for a while. How do I keep my cool? I'm 30! Shock

OP posts:
HotDAMNlifeisgood · 05/04/2013 16:18

apprently he thinks I'm very nice, which he had told me before but apparently I don't listen

Oh, do you also do that thing where you're oblivious to the fact that somebody likes you, even when he says such obvious things as "I think that you're amazing", and it takes you, like, a month to twig that when he asked you out, he was asking you out, and the correct response was NOT to cheerfully say, "Oh, that sounds nice! I'll see who else wants to come along with us."

?

Cause that's me. And I deserve the kicking I am currently giving myself.

MadBraLady · 05/04/2013 16:46

Oh hooray! Smile The agony is nearly over then hopefully?

Original poster
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/04/2013 17:01

Well, he said it that night after I first thought I fancied him. 10 days ago. He didn't cone to the second outing because he had 'dinner', which made me go Hmm. Seen him once 2 days ago in the work setting. If I flirt, everyone will see and will have a good old laugh.

My company is doing some work for his next week so hopefully I will see him for 5 seconds... Pathetic.

OP posts:
MadBraLady · 05/04/2013 17:10

If I flirt, everyone will see and will have a good old laugh.

Ah, this sounds like the other familiar thing I do: "If I behave like anything other than a nun with an iced-up fanjo EVERYONE WILL KNOW I AM SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE. AND IT WILL BE AWFUL."

Wink
TroublesomeEx · 05/04/2013 19:19

Can I join in, please?

I don't like this fancying someone business either.

I really like someone. He's perfect for me - ticks loads of my boxes, physical and otherwise. I've known him for 4 years.

Since my husband and I separated last year, I've got to know him better, he's been lovely, kind and supportive when I've spoken to him (which isn't often tbf). But I get ridiculously giddy whenever I'm anywhere near him. I say stupid things, blush, fall over my words and all I want to do is tell him how I feel so that I can get all the "does/might/could/would he...?" out of the way. Because deep down, I know that he doesn't but at least it would explain why I behave like such an idiot around him. Sad I see him about once a week.

I recognise so much of all this. Part of me thinks that if I told him then the worst that could happen is that he'd let me down gently and sensitively (because I have no doubt that he would) and then he would feel a bit flattered that I feel the way I do.

But I'd be mortified!

I can't even flirt with him, because I'm crap at flirting.

I'd be quite happy to make the first step. I'm not embarrassed about it, like I would have been when I was a teenager. But I just know he's not interested.

Running's plan is pretty much the plan I'd come up with too. And if it weren't for this one man, it would be going pretty well. I have no interest in anyone else at all and can't imagine being interested in anyone else, simply because I don't ever see anyone else I'm remotely attracted to. It's just that this one man is so right for me. Would be nice if he thought the same! Sad

Original poster
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/04/2013 20:03

Oh, FolkGirl Sad. Why are you so sure he doesn't dig ya?

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 05/04/2013 20:17

I just don't see any of the 'signs'.

I have been out with him socially for a night out and dropped a few hints that I 'like' him, but he didn't pick up on them and just laughed in a nice way. I think he thought I was just being a bit cheeky and friendly Confused The worst thing is that everyone - my friends, my son, even my ex thought it was a date and it wasn't.

He's quite outgoing and very confident, I'm quieter and less outgoing.

We're the same age, but he's very 'youthful'. I think I am too, but I suspect he's looking for someone younger, less married and more child free than me. Not because he's an arse who hates children, but because he works with children (including mine) every day and I suspect that he just doesn't want a relationship that involved someone else's children.

He's very conservative in his lifestyle/appearance. I'm not and whilst it doesn't bother me that we are different, I suspect it might be an issue for him because he's so conservative.

I have a friend who says she thinks he 'would' and my ex said he'd have to be stupid to not be interested in me. But I just don't think he'd ever see me in that way.

Original poster
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 06/04/2013 12:56

Maybe you need to stop seeing him then?

OP posts:
MatureUniStudent · 06/04/2013 22:24

Oh thank goodness isn't just me. I wasted all of last year hopelessly lusting after my 50 something crush. So being pragmatic I told myself off as even a man doesn't take a year to build himself up to telling me he might wish to jump my bones please God ask me out. So I refused to allow ANY thoughts of him sigh to enter my head.

For him then to ask me how my dating was going and to end his texts with "xx's". Damn man has taken over my thoughts, to the sad sad degree I go to bed early just to dream of him. I'm too old for this!

MajorDivvy · 06/04/2013 22:44

I feel your pain OP!
My problem is I'm bi and currently fancy a straight co-worker! Sad : I'm too scared to even ask her to be friends in case she guesses how I feel and gets freaked out!! Even worse I sometimes think she may already have guessed! Blush

I got her number months ago but have only text her 3 times and it takes her forever to reply! What shall I do? I've tried getting over her but I can't! Even worse I'm married! Shock

OP let's hope you have a chance with your crush! Smile
(ok smiley overload!)

MatureUniStudent · 06/04/2013 22:56

Stern words with yourself Major and refuse to fancy her...Confused

MajorDivvy · 06/04/2013 23:03

Yes I should do that!
Doesn't help when DH encourages me though! Hmm

Shinyshinyface · 07/04/2013 10:09

Ah, this sounds like the other familiar thing I do: "If I behave like anything other than a nun with an iced-up fanjo EVERYONE WILL KNOW I AM SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE. AND IT WILL BE AWFUL."

Oh Madbralady this made me cry with laughter. Thank you so much for that. I really didn't suspect there was anyone as silly as me out there.

My latest thing is that there's this bloke I see every morning and really fancy and some evenings on the train to and from work. We both have to wait for this one train for about 20 mins in the morning and he goes to buy coffee and I strategically place myself in the waiting room so I can ogle him discretely glance over every now and then. It's kind of fun but also excruciating. I have no idea who he is, he could be married with 16 kids for all I know Grin
There's no way on earth I'd ever have the courage to walk up to him and start a conversation but I have thought about walking past him on the train and casually passing him a note with my phone number. Then I stop and think, really? Really? What am I, 13? I may as well ask one of the other passengers to tell him I like him and will he go out with me?!

MatureUniStudent · 07/04/2013 10:15

Ha ha Shiny at asking another passenger to ask him out for you!

skaboy · 07/04/2013 10:21

I think someone might fancy me judging by some hints our mutual friends keep dropping. The trouble is I'm a complete flirting retard after being so long in a relationship so I'll probably cock things up if I even attempt to talk to her now. Kind of wish I was still in blissful ignorance!

Shinyshinyface · 07/04/2013 11:02

Hey Mature, what do you reckon? Worth a try? Grin

MadBraLady · 07/04/2013 13:01

I love this thread. It's amazing the species survives. Grin

Original poster
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/04/2013 11:47

I just made complete and utter tit of myself. Hmm (Sorry for the overload of smileys; I do love them). Went to pick up something from his office and first breezily smiled into the open space, saw a dog, patted the dog, made a gesture with head, kind of pointed at him and then his colleague, as if (clearly only in my mind) asking who do I take the thing I came for from. Patted the dig vigorously again. The other guy gave me the keys, my
guy came over to the photocopier (it's like Lady's Chaterley's lover, isn't it) said: 'Hi, Drink. You're alright?', I smiled inanely, muttered sth, he repeated: ' how are you?', as in, come on, cat caught your tongue. U said, yes and you?'. Mumbling tumbleweed of nerves. And then breezily started to exchange jokes with the other guy, plus a laugh and a smile. The run off, busy busy busy. Blush

OP posts:
MadBraLady · 10/04/2013 13:12

Ahhh, the rule here is you are never as much of a trembling, red-faced nitwit as you think. I know this empirically because a friend and I observe each other closely for the signs, and afterwards compare, and we always think we are being red-faced, incoherent, twattish or slutty when in fact our behaviour is within a normal range.

He faaaaaaancies you.

Drink-and-office-bloke-up-a-tree-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Original poster
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/04/2013 21:19

I dropped off the thing later on and behaved much better.Smile Had a little chat with him and the other guy and he was doing a lot of smiling and eye contact... Trying not to read too much into it, ekhem but I think it would be a shame (and his loss!) if we didn't at least go for a Brew or a Wine.

OP posts:
startingagain88 · 10/04/2013 22:01

Ooooh ooooh can I join please??

I'm so out of practice is sad- split up a year ago from EXP after 15 years- he buggered off with OW - cue year from hell him begging to come back... told him to bugger off- usual story- seem to be getting myself of my feet now- feeling almost back to 'normal' when ............

Colleague who I am working very closely on a project with, starts flirting, hes eight years younger than me.....normally shy but we have a spark, lots in common. laugh loads (which i love) serious flirting going on ,winking, smiling, looking into my eyes while talking, laughing ,brushing my arm ,wanting to have lunch with me (talking work of course :) )- asking my opnion on things, cracking 'cheeky jokes', leaning up against me .... he even stroke my hair this afternoon......serious serious flirting and im not discouraging him- we are both normally quite 'cool' reserved people and so this is unsual for both of us!!

Problem is i fancy him......rotten...... and this week at least i cant stop thinking about it...... ive only had sex with one guy since Ex left and no realtionship- i havent wanted one....... but today while we were talking it was all i could do not to snog his face off!! I feel like a teenager :) im so bloody horny for him its unbelievable!!

Thing is he is normally quite a shy geeky guy and i am normally very professional at work ( i have never done anything like this at work before ever) so its new for both of us- i dont think either of us know what to do!! But colleagues are noticing now- the in jokes between us, the smiles, the winks, sitting close to each other its becoming stupid- one of my friends at work said yesterday - 'oh get a room, the sexual tension is this office is off the charts!!

WTF do i do??? :)

Original poster
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/04/2013 22:44

Well, it seems like you have been given a go-ahead! EnvyGrin

OP posts:
Dahlen · 10/04/2013 23:02

I agree. I stayed single for 6 years for this reason. Simply could not be bothered with that whole "will he, won't he" and "getting to know you" business. As a result, in the relationship I'm in now I have no patience for the whole "dating game" and am probably forthright to a fault. Fortunately, my now DP seems to like that. Says it's refreshingly honest and he knows where he is. Wink

startingagain88 · 10/04/2013 23:38

Father Jack :) -Ha i know but i dont know what to do about it!!- Hes my colleague, ive never dated (or shagged :) ) a colleague before- i dont want it to become difficult.....

Dahlen, Its such a shame because i like you, i dont really do dating, i never have.... so meeting him like this is perfect, we were 'friends' first....

Problem is i dont know whether its because he is the first guy i have really clicked with after my ex left or because I really like him- is all so confusing im not good at this stuff really...

But god i fancy him like mad, he really has gotten to me-i cant remember wanting someone so much- :) im like a madwoman............ :) in many ways i wish i hadnt met him!

Dahlen · 11/04/2013 00:06

I'd just go with the flow. Remember that if it's just hormones, they'll fade after about 6 months, so go for it but don't commit to anything and you can have a lot of fun but still extricate yourself if it proves to be purely physical ultimately.