Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fancy a date

44 replies

boyfromipinema · 03/04/2013 09:22

......Bald and pasty and old and ugly...the old boy from Ipinema goes waddling...and when he passes, each girl he passes goes 'Christ look at the state of that'........

Reading through some of the posts on this forum about dating disasters I've been inspired to put my head above the parapet and see if any single women reading this fancy a date? I'm in the London area, late forties and still have my own teeth.
Ladies please form an orderly queue.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/04/2013 09:30

Own teeth you say....? Solvent? Gainfully employed?

Original poster
boyfromipinema · 03/04/2013 09:46

Yes I'm a trampoline instructor at a girl's school. Though that's hush hush as I'm also on incapacity benefit, so it's a strictly cash in hand job.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 03/04/2013 09:56

Height, weight, tattoos? How follicly challenged are you - are we talking coot or transplantable?

How much have you got in the bank long do you anticipate having your own teeth?

Original poster
boyfromipinema · 03/04/2013 10:02

Hows you Izzy. Only one tattoo, though it does cover my back and chest and most of my arms.

OP posts:
Original poster
boyfromipinema · 03/04/2013 10:03

and a bit of my beer gut.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/04/2013 10:21

I suppose if you're already decorated it cuts down on the laundry....

izzyizin · 03/04/2013 10:45

O the power of positive thinking... Hmm

FruOla · 03/04/2013 11:01

What do you think of onesies for men, OP? Grin

Lueji · 03/04/2013 11:12

It's Ipanema, btw.

HTH

Original poster
boyfromipinema · 03/04/2013 11:12

Onesies ok, but I think I prefer to stick to my reebok tracksuit and adidas trainers. Accessorized by my 4 sovereign rungs and gold chains.
And if any lucky ladies get to see a bit of bedroom action with me they'll enjoy the spectacle of my hairy beer belly drooping over my thong.

OP posts:
Lueji · 03/04/2013 11:17

Men don't wear thongs.
They wear jockstraps.
FFS!

FruOla · 03/04/2013 11:25

Oh, I don't know, Lueji, a friend of mine once bought her, then, DP a red leather thong for Christmas ... and she told us all Shock, we had to buy a job lot of eye bleach Grin

Lueji · 03/04/2013 11:36

See, that's the kind of thing women buy men... Wink

Original poster
boyfromipinema · 03/04/2013 11:36

Anyway all that aside...I've had no messages yet for a date. Am I not selling myself enough? What more can I add? I'm a devoted father of 11 kids with 3 different women, so at least you all know I'm not firing blanks in case you want any more kids yourselves.

OP posts:
Lueji · 03/04/2013 11:45

Are you sure they're yours?

Original poster
boyfromipinema · 03/04/2013 12:04

Well I've had my doubts about the Chinese one, but apart from that...

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 03/04/2013 12:19

Where are your own teeth?

Original poster
boyfromipinema · 03/04/2013 12:40

Usually in a glass at the side of my bed.

OP posts:
foofooyeah · 03/04/2013 12:44

where would we go on our date - do you have a favourite restaurant ?

Zilvernblue · 03/04/2013 12:44

I'm in the London area, late forties and still have my own teeth

You do realise that in Aberdeen you would be a rare catch? Especially if you have a few hair follicles left.

Am I not selling myself enough? What more can I add?

Well, here you would simply tell women on your profile what a catch you are, how good looking you are, with photo to "prove" it, that you earn lots and lots of money and that they are lucky to be pm'd by you. Then simply send them a message saying "Hi hows u got any more pics do yer fancy a beer the night"...

Lueji · 03/04/2013 12:45

Yes, but what type of glass?
Stained?
Laminated?
Coated?
Mirrored? Hmm
Annealed?
Patterned?
Extra clear?
Low expansion?
Beveled?

Original poster
boyfromipinema · 03/04/2013 12:48

Favourite restaurant would have to be Chicken Cottage. If anyone wants to know how bald and ugly I am send me a message and I'll send a 'pic' to prove it.

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 03/04/2013 13:03

You sound a real catch boy but I'm very shy about meeting strangers. Are you into phone sex?

Original poster
boyfromipinema · 03/04/2013 13:06

I think if you saw me you'd soon realize that phone sex is probably the only sex I'll ever get.

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 03/04/2013 13:15

That's very sad boy, but I'm sure your plight has touched the hearts of everyone here. I'll ask my mum if I can PM you my contact details.