I'm normally assertive, and normally this isn't an issue, but a recurring theme with XH is his overstepping boundaries.
When we were together there were issues with sex and abuse. He raped me once (not violently, not that that matters, just ignored the fact that I was saying no), and sexually assaulted me another time. He would always carry on doing whatever it was for a while after being asked or told to stop (even when he did listen and even if the reason was because he was hurting me). Funnily enough it's not the reason I left him. That was due to all the EA that went with it.
Anyway, just wanted to give context (Name changed).
So there have been a few occasions over the past couple of years where he has decided to hug me or put his arm around me during pick ups or drop offs of the dcs. Since we split I have come to terms with what has happened and can see it now as sexual abuse and it disgusts me. I hate myself for not standing up for myself (I would freeze rather than fight), but hate him more, especially since he knew I had been attacked as a young teen and struggled for a long time with my sexual identity.
I now have an amazing new dp, and we're expecting our first dc, getting married, he's so loving and patient and everything XH isn't.
So on Saturday when dropping off the dcs, I'm stood inside the door with dp beside me, and XH asks me to come outside for a private word. He then tells me how thrilled he is about the new baby (?!) and hugs me. I don't hug back. I freeze, say thanks very stuntedly and that it's cold and I go back inside.
I want to tell him to never ever touch me again as long as he lives. Dp then has to deal with me feeling rubbish and weak and like I've let myself down. And I know dp would happily tell XH and stand between us, but I think it's my fight.
Anyone else would say "how lovely that he's so happy for you all" but I know it's all more manipulative lies. It's almost like he's behaving like he'll be an uncle-figure to my baby (if I could I would keep him away from his own dcs, whenever he has them I fear for their safety, he is utterly self absorbed and careless).
Since when it happens I go in to victim-mode and can't stand up for myself, and since I think it's right that dp should be kept out of it, I'm thinking of sending an email or something. But I don't want the fallout and he also has a nasty habit of doing the opposite of what I ask. But if I've stated my case then I think were it to happen again (which it probably will) dp could step in if needed.
Sorry this is long and rambling. Any ideas? I just feel so vulnerable and pathetic.