Does this sound like he is using prostitutes? :(

[Cabrinha]

Would appreciate some advice if anyone has knowledge of how meetings with prostitutes can be arranged - and I'm sorry for those who know for a bad reason :0(

So - background - some years ago I had cause to think my husband may have seen a prostitute. I don't want to post identifying info, but for example local escort sites in browser history. He swore it was curiosity / porn, we had counselling... I thought it probably never led to a booking, but trust was gone. And yes - I should have left him then.

Since then, I have periodically checked his phone - again, yes, if I felt the need to, I should have left (we have a child...). He uses it for work, so not unusual to have text messages with no name. I don't see phone often, but I do remember seeing a few numbers with no text attached (iPhone). It's only recently when I decided to delete a conversation with a friend where I'd bitched about him, that I found that this is what you see when all texts are cleared: the date and number still there, but no texts. There are 14 of these in a 2 year period (his sex drive never seemed high). Each of the 14 is a different number.

3 actually do have a message or two - which it would be easy to interpret along the lines of prostitution. One he says he has to cancel, one says next Thu 12:00 is only slot but he can have first refusal on cancellation, from Liz, and the third one starts from her "got man here can u wait for me x" - "no probs I'm early" - "call me x". As I say v easy to interpret as prostitution.

So... Sorry this is really long! I'll actually ask my question now!

Is this how prostitution can work? You get a mobile number and arrange it that way? All the 14 numbers are different, so I presume different women? I've seen escort ads in the paper, and I think they have mobile numbers? But how about on line?

4 different numbers are clustered over 2 weekend days - a year ago, but I know I was away then - and unexpectedly, so him quickly texting round to find someone free?

Frankly - I think it looks guilty as sin. And the fact I'm even asking this is a good reason to end our marriage - checking phones, FFS?

But I'd really appreciate if anyone could tell whether that's a common way to arrange prostitutes - i.e. via text, and if so, what's the likely source - newspaper, online (wouldn't that be email? Do women put mobiles on profiles on line? ...)

Thanks for getting this far :(

I thought I should update, as some people were kind enough to reply - thank you.
I asked him Fri night, and he said he "didn't know" what the deleted messages were. I said I needed a better explanation than that.
Had family staying all weekend.
Asked for my explanation last night.
He said "it is what you think it is". Clarified that, he says he was texting prostitutes to meet, but claims he never went trough with it.
I'm pretty sure he's lying and he did. But it doesn't actually matter - the contact is enough.
So I've ended it.
We both want to be amicable - we have a Pre-school age child.
So I haven't even really shouted at him. It's been over so long, really.
I've done the right thing but - ugh, feel crap. And feel awful for my lovely innocent child :0(

So sorry.

I would get tested for STIs and start seeking legal and financial advice.

Good luck.

Well done. But don't worry about keeping things 'amicable'.... if you're still civil with him after his behaviour I think he'd be really lucky.

Oh Cabrinha I'm so sorry your going through this - good luck for the future.

You''ll get great advice on here re legal and financial advice if you need it.

Thanks all. Fortunately STIs not a worry. I stopped sleeping with him after the last time I was worried about this, and had to have a full STI check as part of separate medical treatment since. Which is possibly why I can stay calm now! It really has been dead a long time, so currently holding it together OK. Which is not to say I'm fine! But I'm OK. Will be seeing solicitor ASAP. I'm happy to move slowly on the actual process - but I want to understand all ramifications quickly.

I would say its almost certainly prostitutes although they nearly always say 'no texts'.
You've done he right thing splitting up. I hope he's apologetic.
Look forward to a lovely happy future which you will certainly have now!

Almost certainly a text to a prostitute. He will have called at first or sent a text looking for an appointment. He may not have gone through with any appointments.

Also men will google prostitutes out of erotic curiosity and not do anything about it.

Visiting prostitutes is tragic but more importantly you arent having sex and dont seem to have a happy marriage. Leave him for that reason alone. Prostitutes may be a symptom of the demise of your relationship, not necessarily the cause.

Get out there and find a decent bloke.....mind you even decent blokes do things women would not consider acceptable.

If he is kind, considerate and loving then share your love. No excuse but if you give up on the physical side of a relationship some men will look elsewhere....

I know this is a dead thread but I've never been on this before.Earlier this year I happened to check my husband's phone. He was short and grumpy and I was worried he had received bad news and hadn't told me.
I discovered dozens of texts to prostitutes.
At first he denied they were hookers but then said he texted them for a laugh, to pass the time during lunchtime at work and so on. He swore on our son's life he never visited them.
I reluctantly and stupidly accepted this although I knew it was utter horseshit. I had got married just prior to discovering the texts.
The thing is this: I cannot get it out my head. It makes me hate him. But I feel so worried as I need to do what us right for my child as he is so little. I don't want to be selfish, I want to be a good mum.
Can anyone help?
Oh, and I fell pregnant just before discovering the texts. So have another in the way.

You're married to a bad-tempered liar you can't trust who thinks it's 'a laugh' to text prostitutes as a way to pass a lunchtime . He treated his brand new marriage, family and wife with zero respect. Correct me if I'm wrong but he doesn't sound at all apologetic and you don't mention any big effort on his part to make amends or make himself more trustworthy.

What's right for your child? I think all children deserve to grow up in an environment where Mum and Dad are equals who have love and respect for each other and treat each other kindly. Not one where Dad treats women like shit and Mum is expected to shut up and tolerate it.

No, he's done nothing to appear more trustworthy. In fact, he's become nasty and blames me for everything. Bring honest, we are done, but am scared of what it will mean due my children. And also, utterly juvenile thing I'm about to write: I'm worried the impact it will have on my parents too.
I feel hamstrung and I shouldn't as when I co sided everything rationally, it is a very clear situation.

Your children, like thousands of others, will still have two parents but they won't live under the same roof. If he's a decent man he may even turn out to be a better lone parent than he ever was a husband. Your parents will be on your side, even if they are disappointed. If you have the courage to tell them the full story, it won't even be an issue.

I find, when I can't make up my mind, it helps to get clear information (legal in your case) and then sound out my plans with someone I can trust.

I'm so ashamed I can't tell anyone. I trusted him so much and encouraged him to do things without me...little did I know.
I've been carrying this burden around with me since may and it is the first time I've articulated it.
Having the knowledge has just caused me more confusion and upset. But I cannot ignore it, I know.

I'm also very frightened of having this new baby on my own . Poor thing isn't even born yet.

I've been a lone parent since birth. Had a friend as birth partner rather than the father. It's challenging, certainly, but very rewarding. It's definitely a better option than feeling trapped with some miserable woman-hating man.

Why are you ashamed when the shame is all his?

I know I will be fine but the unknown is fearsome.
The shame is because I was a fool, pure and simple. Also, angry that I have embroiled one and soon to be two little innocents into this shit pit.
Embarrassed because less than a year ago we were married in front if friends and family. And now to this in less than 40 weeks. And it's that long because I've been foolhardy and have prolonged the agony.

You're being too hard on yourself by taking on all the responsibility. There is no shame in admitting you made a big mistake in your choice of husband and you are not a fool for trying to make a go of things. He, on the other hand, hasn't got a leg to stand on. You found all this out after the ceremony, is that right? If it had been beforehand would you have called off the wedding?

Yes, there will be some embarrassment but I'm sure your friends and family would rather you were happy.

Hi love

I spent 17 years of my life working as a prostitute's maid. I prefer the title working girl instead of prostitute.

Personally I would be suspicious. On these threads there is always a poster who tells you to check out for STD's at the clinic. Rubbish. They are the ones that need to be checked! The ladies I worked with all visited the Praed Street Project at St Marys hospital in Paddington every week

If I had a quid for every hotel visit I arranged to eithee the Metropole in Edgware Road or the Hilton Paddington I would be rich. Some of them would whip out family photos and show the girls after having sex with em.

Hi love

I spent 17 years of my life working as a prostitute's maid. I prefer the title working girl instead of prostitute.

Personally I would be suspicious. On these threads there is always a poster who tells you to check out for STD's at the clinic. Rubbish. They are the ones that need to be checked! The ladies I worked with all visited the Praed Street Project at St Marys hospital in Paddington every week

I wonder if it is the lie that burns more than the fact? If he tells me the truth can we move on?
Do relationships recover from this?

Ooooh! My thread! Trying will reply in a minute, but just thought I'd suggest if you want more support it might be worth starting a new thread? Not that I mind at all "sharing" just that people might scan my OP, see it's resolved and not make it to your posts?

I'm sorry. The first time I've even been so not aware of etiquette and so on.

thecook : I am a working girl. Or rather, I'm a grown woman. But my work does not include performing sexual acts for money. I have no issue with prostitutes - the fault was with my STBXH. Throughout the height of my upset and anger, I always referred to these women as prostitutes. If you need the euphemism, go find another job. I corrected every friend who (thinking they were being supportive) used words like "whore". I also won't use "escort". As far as I'm concerned, prostitute is a perfectly good word that means what it says.

As for the STI checks... Don't be naive. Yes, the women you worked for had weekly check ups. That rather probes the point about the risk, doesn't it?! If the women themselves recognise that health checks are necessary! Of COURSE you should have full STI check if your partner has had sex with another woman - whether that be an affair situation or a prostitute.

And as for having a £1 for every booking you handled - well, you did, didn't you? If you were working for prostitutes?!