Partner just left me for another woman and I'm 7 months pregnant.

[diamondday]

Same old story, long time member under new username

Last night my long time partner sat me down and informed me that he no longer is "in" love with me and is leaving me and our two children (3 and 1) to marry a lady he has been having an affair with for almost a year. I am completely devastated for both myself and my children. I just feel like I am a failure.

To add insult to injury, I'm also 7 months pregnant.

Who does that? He literally sat me down like a child by their parent and told me he was marrying another woman! Why not me? it's so unfair, I'm the mother of his children, I'm the one who has remained faithful to him since I was 16. He was my one and only. I'm so deverstated, my head is pounding but not in pain, this has never happened to me before, it feels like my head is going to explode. Why would he marry her and not me? He always said he wasn't the marrying type, maybe one day but not now ect, but now his marrying her, living with and playing father to her daughter, not our children.

I guess I should of guessed, he moved to Oxford six months ago because he was offed a high paying job. That's where she lives, I should of known. But he still came home every weekend, he was still payed the rent, we ere still having sex. I thought we were an happy family in a unique situation. clearly I was wrong. I have no idea how I'm going to pay the rent now, I have no job. SAHM, he didn't want that but I insisted, why did I always have to get my own way? I'm not even sure I'm entitled to anything. We aren't married and we haven't lived together for half a year. Was that just careful planning on his part?

I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. I love him so much, why can't he love me? I would do anything to have him back, but he isn't willing to give it another try. He keeps saying his sorry, but she is his soul mate and they belong and deserve to be be togther. How dare he say that to me after everything we've been through.

I hate her. I insisted he show me her picture, I wanted to know who she was. I wish I hadn't. She's everything I'm not - Beautiful, skinny, educated, rich. I'm just a blob in comparison. No wonder she is getting the only thing I've ever truly loved. How could I ever stand a chance? I hate the thought that the witch will be able to see our children. Oh god, what happens if they have children?

How could he do this to our family? Our unborn baby? I don't want to do this alone? I'm hoping that when the baby is born he will realise he has made the wrong choice and come home. Is that dream unlikely?

I'm sorry this is so ranty. I never for a second imagined I would have to write a post like this on here. I see them all the time but I never thought it would be me. I even fail at writing this. Im just a failure. I don't know what to do from here.

What a dick. Sort out child support and contact arrangements ASAP.

He isn't coming back, and even if he did, you don't want him back trust me. You are not a failure and you will get though this!

But I do want him back, I just want to go back in time and fix everything. Honestly, I just feel like laying down and dying.

(((((Diamond)))) have an unmumsnetty hug!
I am so sorry you are going through this, but Wishes is right, you don't want him back. When you sit and think about what he has been up to behind, not only your back, but your children's backs. He has been living a different life during the week, sleeping with her etc, coming back to you on a weekend, sleeping with you and acting the family man! I think you need to think about getting checked for STIs - sorry!
Start getting angry OP!
Don't worry, you should be entitled to benefits and he will have to pay towards your children. Take care of yourself xxxxx

Poor you. You have allowed yourself to be in a very vulnerable position. 3 children with a man who would not commit to you, unmarried and with few rights, and you have chosen to be a sahm rather than continue working.
What do you think you will do? You need to see if you can get some benefits sorted, and consider looking for work.

I doubt he will come back. He has already moved on.

Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.

I wonder if his new wife to be knows about you and that intill yesterday you were still in a relationship, or if the dick has portrayed you as his ex.

It's unlikely he's told OW that you're 7 months pregnant and was therefore still having sex with you after starting a relationship with her, but I'd waste no time in letting her know just what sort of bloke she's getting. He probably told her you were separated and he just went back at weekends for the kids.

Meanwhile, get some legal advice and don't take him back under any circumstances.

This could be one of those occasions when a wanker bloke who's been lying to two women ends up with neither of them.

I am so sorry my love but first things first, take a step back. I know you are probably hurting so much right now but with a bit of 'mental' distance you will be able to see this 'man' for what he is. Only a man, who is innately selfish and has no morals whatsoever could do someting like this to a person.

She is welcome to him.

If she knew about you, then she really is an 'ugly' person. So, don't think she is better than you just because she is a size 8 or whatever. She is 'ugly'. end of. And if I was her, I would be worried if my so-called 'soulmate ends up doing the same thing to me! What a silly, silly woman she is! Intelligent? I think not!

I'm guessing these sort of men are never satisfied, and will always move on at some point. Pity her, and get angry at him.

Diamondday, i am so sorry to read what you are going through. how devastating. you must be shocked and heart broken.

i echo purequint, there seems to no assets, you are not married and you have children to take care of. please make an appointment at your local jobcentre plus and call the CSA immediately. please go to your local housing office.

i dont think he planned that you'd be in this situation although that is what his ugly decisions have led to.

how come you didn't want to work? Did you have no local family and the nursery fees almost the same as salary? My child's fees are £900 pcm so its virtually pointless me working but hey ho.

you need to start thinking practical too and properly address the issue of his contribution to parenting and contact with your children.

please also dont take the unmarried bit as being a criticism as even if you were married, if neither of you own a house/ have no pensions building up/no savings, your circumstances would be roughly similar but obviously, if married you'd take divorce/financial advice.

all im saying is you're not be criticised for me unmarried chuck.

i'd still suggest you take legal advice in your situation and talk to someone you trust about this awful, awful situation. what horrible man.

The man you loved wasn't real. His true nature was to cheat on his partner and children, lead a double life and then leave you when he had something secure to go to. You don't want him back, you want the faithful man you thought you had back, but he didn't exist.

You've had a terrible shock, and you'll need time to grieve the relationship you thought you had and to get angry at the man who cheated on you and left you and the children.

Someone had to look after the children, so even if you had worked there would have been childcare costs and you wouldn't have had that time with them. Get to CAB (Citizen's Advice Bureau) and see what benefits you are entitled to and get the ball rolling with the CSA.

Please don't compare yourself to her. He didn't do this because of how you look, he did it because he's a selfish git. You've been looking after his children and he's treating you with no respect or love. He has to support his children, and if he's left you with no rent money then he's an even bigger git, even less worthy of your love. She's nothing to write home about seeing a man whose cheating on his pregnant wife and children.

Look after yourself and your children. Speak to CAB, if you have regular contact with a midwife then she might be able to point you in the direction of help.

So sorry he's done this to you. You might feel like it now, but you really don't want to be with a man who is heartless to leave someone whose 7 months pregnant and their children.

Oh what a complete cunt he is. I'm sorry lovely.

My ex told me once (while he was fucking his OW) "If you really loved me you would let me go to see where my heart lays, with you or with her"

I let him go. He's still an utter arse and has had numerous affairs since being with her too.

I'm currently going through my own crap, and I know what you mean about not thinking it would ever be you having to write this sort of thread.

Have you got some one who can help you in RL, mum? Friend?

If your head is still pounding can you phone your MW & ask to have your BP checked - look after yourself and baby frst.

Be strong and tell him to fuck off. I'd also contact her and let her know what he's currently doing to both of you.

Did he seriously sit you down? Seriously?! That's outrageous!

I'm so sorry. Please take the great advice of the the above posters. You really don't need this excuse for a man in your life. In time you will get over him, come to see him as he really is and move on to be happy and to set a great example top your children.

"When a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy". She'll never feel safe.

I echo Catsanddogs, not being married was not meant as a criticism, just a statement of fact, makes you more vulnerable and with less rights. You need to get as much advice as you can to help your situation.

I would also actually consider dropping his girlfriend a line telling her that you were a couple until last night, and that you are 7 months pregnant, and congratulate her on her catch.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but u don't need him back what sort of a man would do this and what sort of woman would wanna be with a man who already has a partner 2 kids and another on the way... I can promise u he has been working away living a completely different life this other woman will have no idea about u + ur children and ur unborn baby. Get angry and think how fucking dare he !! U r worth a million of him my lovely get this womans details + inform her just what she's gonna marry !!! U will be ok in time but please don't think u r a failure he is the failure who clearly thinks with his dick... I wish I could give u and hug and be there for u. Time is a fantastic healer and u have a beautiful baby on the way his loss love not urs he has done u a favour becuz I think had it not been this woman it would prob be someone else. Make sure his family knows what a twat he is and make sure this woman knows also u will be ok I promise u x

Wow what a bastard! Initially, the shock makes you think you really really want him, and there will be many times when you are struggling with a new born that you will wish your life was as it used to be, but there will come a day that you will be grateful that this disgusting shit left your life, and you will be happy without him.

Any man who can walk out on the pregnant mother of his children is not worth knowing. I know I sure as hell wouldn't want to be with a man who could do that to his partner.

You will be ok. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but in time, you will be just fine. Right now you need to be particle, sort out finances, see what benefits you are entitled to. If you go to the CAB they will help you with the forms.

Do you have friends or family near by who can help support you?

As hard as this might sound, you need to take positive action. Get some legal advice. Get some form of state support. Make him immediately pay for child support.

Don't get involved in stuff (letters etc) with the other woman, there is nothing positive that can come out of it for you. All it will make you feel is more negative.

(((((((((Hug))))))))))))

The 'OW' might be as unsighted about all this as the OP has been for the past year. Unfortunately there really are incurious women who believe tall stories about men who've separated from their wives, but that it's amicable enough for them to pop back at the weekends 'to see the kids'. He might have lied about sleeping in travelodges at the weekend, or friends' sofas.

So the reason people are suggesting the OP lets the OW know the score is to make sure yet another woman isn't being duped by this liar. Although I'm sure they exist, it would take a spectacularly dim but cruel OW to make a decision to stay with a bloke who made his wife pregnant 5 months into a relationship with her.

he is a total shithead.

Let him know he and his new wife will be having the children from friday to monday morning every weekend while you rebuild a social life (and life) for yourself. The total fucker. I am angry on your behalf. A man with two kids and one on the way casually announces that he is marrying somebody else, like you are two teenagers who just went to the roller disco, and now he doesnt want to skate on saturdays anymore. what a total dickhead. Words fail me.

Dont' let him see the children in your home. That will mean you never get a break. It's too easy for him. He gets to have the family and the OW, no price paid. I reckon he should be responsible for the children for at least 48 hours a week so thatyou get a break. How dare he skip off for a new romance and leave you with three kids. THREE!

As of the end of this month, legal aid will not be available in family/divorce matters.

Don't miss out on your entitlement. Source a solicitor who specialises in family law and make an appointment as a matter of urgency to discuss what you can expect in terms of child support and his right to have contact with his dc - presupposing he bothers; sadly, many don't once they've found ow to play happy new families with but you need to guard against what he may do in the future.

Your local Women's Aid office - www.womensaid.org.uk can recommend solicitors in your area and also advise on what benefits you can claim which should ensure you keep the roof over your head.

oh god op what a horrible horrible time for you

ive recently been dumped after 5 yrs with a violent,abusive man for another women

i could not understand why i missed him so much after all he had done

2weeks on and lots of women aid reading and doing the NO CONTACT rule,im starting to see more clear

you will be going through so many emotions,the peeps on here are great (i seem to spend all my time trawling these threads for good common sense) listen to whats said many have had similar experiences

will be watching this and hope you can get some comfort from this forum

what i am noticing as n real life this seems to be going on alot,a few people i know over the last couple of years have experienced similar,all ages etc

what is the matter with these men it causes such pain and misery for many,do they not give a second thought,seems not

stay strong op

Perfectly put Leslie. What a total, total shithead.

Patronising bastard to sit you down like you are a child. You may feel you want what you thought you had, but you don't. He is not a nice person to have behaved as appallingly as this.

As others are saying, try to get yourself in gear and see where you stand legally. Although Womens Aid deal predominantly with domestic abuse, they will be able to point you in the right direction on practical things. Tel 0808 2000 247 (between 7pm - 7am is the best time to call as they are very busy during the day).

I'm so sorry you're going through something so painful. You will be in shock for quite a while so be prepared for that. Get support in place - counselling is a good idea to have someone on your side while you work it all through. You can get cheap counselling through womens orgs.

Do you have people in RL who will support you?

Big hug sweetheart. This too shall pass but it doesn't seem like it now xxxxx