Sorry, it's really not an important issue, but I've been chatting to this guy (we work at the same company, but he's in a different dep't to me with different shifts, so we only see each other occasionally).
We've recently started talking on a social networking site, but he has a partner that lives in the US (long term relationship).He was upfront about saying that he thought I was attractive or whatever, liked talking to me but he has a partner, said this at the very beginning so I knew where I stood.
I'm now going to be leaving the company and this man has said that if he was single, he would have at least liked to go for a drink with me but has said he's still happy to chat to me.
Now, as he was talking past tense, what does this mean? Is this his way of somehow dropping me? I never thought it could be anything more than just friends, but I'm now sure why he said the "if I was single" thing, it feels like a bit of a brush off somehow - like he thought I was coming on to him or something!
How do I talk to him now...it suddenly feels all awkward, lol.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Don't understand what this means, is it a brush off?
peppasnemesis · 20/03/2013 17:07
Maybe I'm a bit simple, but I would read it as he enjoys chatting with you and would like to carry on chatting with you even though you're leaving the company 
Hmm.. My first reaction when I read the OP and a couple more was, 'wow, there are actually men who are upfront about having a GF, especially a long distance one. But jeez, how many times has he now told you he fancies you, he wants you, he 'would' (so to speak 
) ?! God knows what's going on in his brain! I'd stay friends with him if you like being friends with him, why not? I wouldn't see any need to just axe the friendship yet. If he tries to push further then yeah, I'd cut him out of my life and try to find his poor gf to warn her
It is strange he has no mention of her on FB but then some people just don't use it that much or maybe their partner has expressed that they don't want to be splashed around online.
OP, I'm still not clear from your OP and otherwise - are you strongly attarcted to him and would want to date, or are you after friendship??
If friendship, then OF COURSE it's fine to go for drinks even flirt mildly - his GF knows very well that he's bound to socialise with women, when they see each other twice a year! I'm also very 
about their weird relationship. Maybe there aer financial ties, or plans to have a family, but really close relationships do not work like this as it's usually beyond people who aer in love to be apart so much! unless it's some kind of visa problems and they have to wait.
It sounds though (if not to do with visas) that their relationship is not very close or very passionate, but they have reasons to keep the relationship. In this scenario, I think he's likely to sleep with other women, possibly even with her knowledge, and what he's telling you is, I'm not after a LTR but wouldn't say no to a quick fling or FWB, but is spelling out to you where you stand - meaning if you agree withhis terms then he "would", but don't expect anything more. It could also be that she's fictional, as UnEgg says. The bottom line is, he is offering a "no-strings, or nothing at all" in both cases.
I hate when good friends get into relationships and then just disappear :( selfish I know, and I'm a hypocrite too because I've been guilty of it in every single relationship I've had 
heh heh.
How long have you been friends with him? Do you only ever speak online or have you ever hung out IRL (whether it be with workmates or friends or do you chat by the watercooler or go have a fag together etc.)?
I guess I'd define friends as someone you can have a moan (non sexual) with, a laugh with, someone you like being with, someone you can joke around with. But then there's different friendships...
It's only dodgy ground if you or he makes it dodgy ground, I've had male mates with Gf's that I've been super close to but totally platonically.
What is your gut instinct? If you were interested in something more I'd say don't bother with him- he's wierd for constantly bringing up that he has a girlfriend but would otherwise bang you definitely take you out for a drink.
However if you've a vacancy for the 'kinda wierd bloke mate who totally fancies me but i'm not down with that but like him as a mate' then just have him as a random friend?
Er, it's not really flattering that some bloke wouldn't mind a shag, or having you fluttering your lashes at him constantly, but wants you to bear in mind he has a girlfriend and it's not going to be you.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.