Ex partner planning suicide. Should I help?

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After too many chances, I ruined our relationship with selfish, deceitful and unfaithful behaviour. I don't think any details are needed but i don't want to under play it, I was horrible and regret everything. I only want to see her happy.

I have been told by her and read public messages that she plans suicide for the end of this month or next. I know this isn't all my fault but feel guilty and still have very strong feelings for her. I believe she shouldn't forgive me even if she could so i walked away (pushed but stopped trying) thinking it was the best thing for her.

I don't know what to do. I know I could help but should I given the circumstances?

what are you waiting for ?

there is some urgency, yes ?

why are you currently contemplating your elbow ?

Is that how she really feels or just anger at lack of contact? Maybe she feels you just dont care after all she did just find drunken pictures of you and the OW she is bound to be hurt that you are still seeing her. If you want to make it work you need to get rid of those people straight away and stop hiding behind anonymous messages before she accepts you silence as you giving up on the relationship and admitting you would rather have OW than her.

How long were you together?

If you wanted to end the relationship, you have that right.

I think what she's doing is wrong. If I were you I'd leave the circles you have been with.

"I assume it would be temporary till we moved south and I would have less need for group outings "

You are aware you sound like she would take you back somehow and everything would be fine because you wouldn't have time to see OW right? If you really do want to win her back you need to change your whole outlook and lifestyle and deal with the reason why you cheated in the first place. Covering up the problem wont make it go away you need to find out why you did it in the first place. you dont just accidentally have an affair something caused you to seek out another women that was not the one you were with. If you cant fix that then you dont deserve her back (not that im sure you do anyway)

"I didn't want to upset her even if I am now single with no chance of getting back with her."

you make it sound like this break up has been your lucky chance to get it on with the OW even more before you decide what to do which does not look good for you.

no one is or has abused you op
but this is not about you,its about you need to alert professionls to her distress
maybe some exasperation that you have not reported this and still seem focussed on your dilemma,rather than reporting this significant turn of events

Since posting my last comment, her blog states that moving is delayed, she isn't planning suicide anymore - as living knowing that i am with the OW is more painful (which couldn't be further from the truth) - and is thinking about deleting the blog. I currently know the URL and look myself. This may be a red herring, especially if she knows about this thread.

I agree she needs professional help which I have looked into now.

However, is it fair to lovingly let her continue thinking I am with the OW if its part of the reason she is using to not commit suicide now (keeping silence but risking that she finds out somehow in the future that I was never with the OW)? Or make contact hoping to make her happy and intending to rekindle the relationship (if she allows that and if its possible)? I want the later, but in your opinion what seems best for her?

I struggle to see the point of this thread.

I suggest you stop playing games and leave that poor woman alone.

Phone the authorities. Posting on Mumsnet is obviously not appropriate is it...

Her life is now none of your business. I'd tell her the same.

Move on. She has to find her own way through this. You are not responsible for her happiness.

Her life is now none of your business. I'd tell her the same.

Move on. She has to find her own way through this. You are not responsible for her happiness.

Only you know what she wants but lying more to protect her is not the way to go about it thats what got you in trouble in the first place.
Sounds like even you dont know what you want so why ask us we do not know her or you and cannot judge what is best. If you love her and you know you will never hurt her again then fine but if you will still cheat on her then stay away its very simple.

I split up with my husband of 12 years over The New Year after he had an affair. He's currently with ow.

I started self harming then felt suicidal. Personally I did not plan to feel suicidal, one night I suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to kill myself but didn't as I didn't want the kids to find my body the next morning.

After I took them to school, I went to A&E where I started medication and was offered support from my local mental health service. A psychiatric nurse called or visited me daily to check I was ok. As I was a lone parent, it was occasionally a social worker who could assess if my mental health problems were affecting the kids. They weren't there to judge and I felt genuine warmth and support both practically and emotionally. They were not the sort of service that the Daily Mail etc portray and I am very grateful for their support. I have a number that I can call 24/7 where somebody on the other end listens to me as I cry.

As you've moved out and have no kids together Id say that you should check she's ok by contacting the professionals on her behalf and they can help her. Contacting her directly could prolong her pain and make the healing process longer.

If you loved her then maybe the best tribute to her would be to self reflect and work on your issues that caused the split.

The whole thing about people who are going to go through with is don't talk about it is a myth btw