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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fuming! What do you think?

29 replies

Rocklover · 07/05/2006 12:06

Yesterday my 'D'H allowed his alcoholic father (who has previously been banned for drunk driving) and who he had a fist fight with last year for this very reason; drive 16 month DD from Victoria to Park Royal, London to meet my Dad (at least an hours drive) with no child seat (they don't have one).

DH is now being arsey with me for being annoyed at him, apparently they had no choice as it was raining, what about a black cab to the tube station? I know that no harm has been done this time, but it could have been; only 3 weeks ago a car smashed into the back of my Dad's when DD was in the back in her seat, and this was when he was waiting at a roundabout.

I feel like shaking him, doesn't he care??? Also I posted this on another site and some of the ladies there seemed to think that it wasn't that big a deal and that DH did what he had to. Am I silly to be upset?

OP posts:
ssd · 07/05/2006 12:08

no, I'd be mad too.

spidermama · 07/05/2006 12:09

No. You're right to be upset.

stitch · 07/05/2006 12:10

no i dont think you are being silly at all. it is a big deal
but
you need to look at the bigger picture. what will happen if you continue to be angry at him? will he listen? or change his behaviour? or will he take it out on you? by continueing to be arsey?
sometimes it is simpler to drop it once you have made your point. try in future not to let the situation arise again where your fil could be driving them.

Carmenere · 07/05/2006 12:11

I'd be annoyed but I would not be fuming. You are not silly to be upset but you are assuming that your dh doesn't care for his dd which is probably a bit of an over-reaction. He made a bad decision, we all do occasionally.

dublindee · 07/05/2006 12:11

I'd be VERY miffed as well huni. It only takes a split second for an accident to happen. As a responsible, caring parent you're right to be fuming.

zippitippitoes · 07/05/2006 12:14

I'd be upset too at the lack of a car seat..but i guess there wouldn't be one in a cab either? Did you think his dad would have been drink driving ..that would worry me even more..

scoobytwo · 07/05/2006 14:39

id be the same as you hun

april74 · 07/05/2006 14:41

fwiw I would be annoyed too

jellyjelly · 07/05/2006 14:43

I would be annoyed and wouldnt let him carry dd again.

maltesers · 07/05/2006 15:44

You have every right to be upset. An hours drive is a long time with no child seat. Still not good if it was one minute up the road.

prettyfly1 · 07/05/2006 18:18

i would be cross but i would be more inclined to communicate my fear to him then shout as men jsut switch off. ignore the woman on the other site. at the end of the day these sites are a democracy and everyone is entitled to an opinion however i would wonder what sort of mother would be fine with an hours drive with a known bad driver with HER child in the car.

PanicPants · 07/05/2006 18:19

I'd be really upset and angry too. I fully understand why you feel like that.

edam · 07/05/2006 18:43

I'm with you on this one, Rocklover, your dh allowed your dd to be placed in danger. He should be ashamed of himself.

edam · 07/05/2006 18:44

Maybe the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (ROSPA) would have some info on their sites about the danger to children of not being in a car seat that you could print off for dh?

Greensleeves · 07/05/2006 18:46

I would be spitting blood and feathers. No car seat? That's bad enough without the driver being a known drunk driver. Angry

foundintranslation · 07/05/2006 18:47

Rocklover, I'm with you too - I'd be hopping. For me, no car seat = no car travel, end of.
I would also be unhappy with your FIL driving.

eidsvold · 09/05/2006 03:26

no car seat - no travel.... absolutely illegal and outright bloody dangerous. However I think shouting and continuing to make a big deal is not going to solve matters. Can you jsut sit down and let him know how sick it made you feel when you found out - all the what ifs... that you are jsut worried about your dds safety.

Ask him to promise to think about what he has done. Then leave it be.... otherwise men can tend to get arsey when we go on about things... yes it is important, yes you are angry but going on and on about it is not going to change what happened.

Original poster
Rocklover · 09/05/2006 13:07

FWIW Eidsvold, I was only slightly off with him on the phone and have not said a single word to him about it as I cannot be bothered with the aggro. Pretty much our whole marriage really, I get upset/annoyed about something and either keep it to myself or tell someone else.

OP posts:
Twinkie1 · 09/05/2006 13:19

No - I would punch anyone who took either of my kids in a car without and adequate restraint!!!

OliveWhoIsNotHereOhNoNotAtAll · 09/05/2006 13:22

What would the difference be if you got a black cab?

They would still not have a car seat would they?

EvesMama · 09/05/2006 13:26

some black cabs have child safety belts(lower) i thikn but obv not enough for 16 month old..i think anyone who drives with a baby/child with no seat for them is appaling..we trudged through our holdaiy in feb with a big booster seat we bought especially for that, friends who came thought i was crazy..i thought they were for putting their children on their knee or in normal seat...my opinion tho..not everyones!

Northerner · 09/05/2006 13:26

Olive - thought you were having a break Wink

Depends how old child is. Black cabs have pull out child seat in the middle of back seats.

Rhubarb · 09/05/2006 13:27

No, a black cab would not have had a car seat. I've done this too, I was collected from the station once by my brother who drove me to his house, he had no car seat so dd had to sit on my knee. Either that or walk 4 miles to his house. I couldn't take dd, plus the pram plus the car seat on the train with me.

Sounds as though he had little choice and he reacted angrily because maybe he is feeling angry that he was put in that situation and he felt he had no choice. So he could have already been feeling guilty and then you have a go at him.

Not saying you shouldn't have reacted the way you did though, just trying to look at it from a different angle.

EvesMama · 09/05/2006 13:29

ive actually had to walk miles home from shopping with dd(about 15-16 months at time), her, pram and weeks worth of shopping..maybe im anal about it, but i just couldnt risk it

Rhubarb · 09/05/2006 13:29

I've never seen a child seat in a black cab, and I've sat in enough of them! Used to work in a taxi place too, so it must be new. If so, they wouldn't all have them?