So, I think my husband has left

[pregnantandalone]

I have namechanged as I feel dreadful and am embarrassed tbh.

I don't even know where to start... we argued last weekend after a frankly shit mothers day, which ended with my husband shouting at me while I was sobbing that he can't stand me, I am horrible to him, he hates married life and he just wants to be single like his mates. All his mates can go out after work on a Friday night, why should he 'have' to come home.... I am in early pregnancy and feeling really ill, plus have a toddler and an older disabled child to look after.

If he does go out after work on a Friday, it is immediately after work and involves him staying at work until the next day. I have suggested he comes home first to help with the DC then go out, but he doesn't want to do that. I have no family nearby to help me because we moved due to his job.

We didn't really speak much after the row and I slept on the sofa for two nights following it. He has since been away. I text him earlier to ask if he was coming here when his flight gets in later and he said he doesn't know, he doubts it, but he is out tomorrow night. I text him back to ask when was happening and he has since ignored me.

he has three weeks off work starting Friday afternoon/Saturday and I don't know what to think tbh. Whenever we have a row he goes off in a huff and won't answer my calls or reply to my texts. He was violent on a couple of occasions a few years ago and although he got help and is embarrassed and mortified about that (I am not 'allowed' to mention it) I feel that he uses ignoring me as a type of emotional abuse as no one can 'call' him on it, if that makes sense?

I know it seems like he is awful and I am better off without him anyway and that's probably true, but I don't think I have the strength to leave yet. I almost hope he has left and then the chpoice is out of my hands, but I have no idea what I am going to do. I can't stop crying.

I think you are doing the right thing.

It's not him acknowledging that he's been crap, but that he "lost this battle".
It shouldn't be like that.

You feel empowered because your subconcious (which has been SCREAMING at you to stand up to yourself) has finally been silenced. STAY FIRM.

He wants out to live the carefree life, but still wants you to dangle just incase it all goes to shit & he needs a safety net.

Your priority now is you & your children, and you need to be around people who love & support you all.

Dont be this selfish bully arseholes fallback, its time for you now, if you want do it for yourself, for gods sake do it for your kids.

Good luck.

Oh OP, there's some fabuolous advice on here. Please don't let him wheedle his way back into your life. Don't let your children grow up thinking this is the right way to behave and don't let your own life descend into the obedient misery he wants it to be.

Be strong.

It's not him acknowledging that he's been crap, but that he "lost this battle".
It shouldn't be like that.

Got it in one.

Have a lovely life without this horrible man.

Life is better without people in it that hurt you on purpose.

He seems like an absolute gem!!

You've had some really good advice on here.. It does sound like he's trying to engineer a situation so on his 3 weeks off he can live it up with his mates then come back to you when he's ready.

You and your DCs deserve so much better than that!

I put up with deeply selfish, single-man behaviour from my ex husband for years until I finally discoverd he was having an affair. He told me he was leaving because he "needed to fly". Our third child was only 3 months old.

It was so good to read that you felt empowered by standing up to him. Stay strong and try to keep that resolve. This is not a marriage, he does not respect you or deserve you. All the energy you are putting into him and his crap, could be spent on you and your children making a better life.

Having a baby alone with older kids is hard, but not impossible. Make sure you have good supportive friends around you.

Sending love x

"needed to fly"

fuck me, what an utter wanker

you are well rid, meemar

That was the common concensus when it happened too!

You are doing well OP - and you will not see everything from the inside that other posters see now looking in. I think you are seeing enough though to keep him away and not let him treat you like this any more.

This will be a massive shock for him and he will of course try to `fight' you in some way on it - but if he really wants to change he will but very, very slowly - one ok Ill not do that any more is not good enough. It is a massive task for him to try and change and then actually do it.

It was only years later when I read my own diary back did I think - `look at me makes excuses for this/that'. Keep a diary of how you feel about things or keep this thread - read it back in a couple of years and you will be shocked and how much you still made allowances for him.

You don't need to beat yourself up about that by the way and it is not your fault in any way but it will take you time to see clearly that such things as getting up at the weekend with the kids does not make up for him being able to do what he wants all the time - which probably includes getting up early at the weekend.

Hi OP. U sound much stronger than you think. ITHFYP if absolutely right> Holy Crap indeed. it is also making my foot itch. tell him how you want things to move forward or get rid. you will survive. you really will. who the HELL does he think he is? i would be tempted to let his darling friends know what a nice man he is. he is taking the piss.