DP and 'little white lies'

[Delatron]

Been with DP for 7 years, have 2 young children together. On the whole we are very happy. He is kind, thoughtful and a wonderful father.

However, he has always been prone to telling white lies. Nothing serious, claiming to work late when he is actually going out for a drink is the most common one. Have busted him a few times and it is clear he just says what he thinks will cause the least hassle for him.

However, I am happy for him to go out for a few drinks after work, what I am furious about is that he feels he needs to lie. Have told him this and he agreed to stop.

I think he doesn't realise his iPhone is linked to our apple computer so shows all his messages. He changed our plans at the last minute tonight saying he had an urgent project to work on. It appears from his messages (yes I checked but was suspicious) that he has arranged to meet a former work colleague (girl), this is along with other colleagues so nothing untoward. He is driving too so I don't think he will be late.

So, he's not being unfaithful, he will probably be back at 9 but he has lied yet again! What do I do?

Sorry to hear that Kirsty. I guess there is always ample opportunity for these men to have affairs, even during the work day.

I am keeping a close eye on him and I can't see any reason to suspect him of being unfaithful. He is very open with his phone, emails etc. However, if he is capable of small lies then I guess he is capable of a much bigger deception.

Agree with Kirsty I'm afraid,my stbxh was the same, we ran business tigether small town family worked for us etc still managed affair.

What is to stop him having a second phone? Then he can be as open as you like with the one you are aware of.

Yes true, I do remember a friend having an 'affair' phone. But right now I have no proof or anything that makes me suspect him so can't leave him based on that (yet?!)

Maybe I need to do more snooping...

I think you need to lay it on the line to him, with a consequence you're willing to see through, and stick to it. Lies destroy marriages, friendships, relationships...quite simply he needs to grow up and pack it in. If he can't manage that I personally wouldn't want to hang around waiting for him to do so. I'm worth more than that. So are you.

Delatron you can leave him for any reason you like or indeed no reason as you are free to make choices. For me it made me question my sanity. Men who tell constant lies (and seem to believe it themselves ?!?!?) are not good partners who enhance self esteem, share responsibility or general act in a good way. If I had my time again I would run at the 1st red flag. Hugs for you it is a crappy position to be in x

Sorry I forgot to say. In the end I decided that a relationship without trust was lonelier and more soul destroying than being single, broke and sex starved! I was right! Now trust is a deal breaker for me. I have such a finely tuned bullshit radar I would probably leave if my dh lied about a teeny tiny thing because I won't put up with what lies do to me!

Agree fraggle, if you don't have trust you don't have anything. Being single and not having to stress about this seems very appealing at the mo..

Had some really crappy relationships in the past so I think I was on the look out for other things, and since he didn't hit me, appeared committed, seemed thoughtful etc I guess I was guilty of letting him get away with the odd lie here and there. I didn't realise what a huge deal breaker it could become. It's good to get some perspective..

Wally its not just lying. In your case there are some very serious elements of financial abuse too.
And after what ive seen on a certain internet forum that thinks its funny to invade and troll this one, im not surprised at the Armed Forces element either.

Ok Wally, in your case, I apologise - that was some special stuff he was pulling.

However, the op's case isn't in the same league imho.

With a compulsive liar you will never, ever know exactly the extent to which they are prepared to lie.

The lies started at the same level as the DH of the OP, I kept shrugging them off as a hang up from his "nagging ex-wife" then they grew and grew until the rug was completely pulled from my feet.

Yy wally.