single dad

[daddysgirls]

not sure if this is a good idea but in for a penny ! I need help to raise my 3 little girls after mum died , i cant connect properly and am desperate for love myself, its a nightmare... i know this is not dadsnet but i need a mothers advice !

so sorry to hear that
there's plenty of support available on here. Are you recently bereaved? Have you thought about counselling to get some support for yourself?

Sorry about the bereavement. Would it help to specify what kind of help you need raising your DDs? As for being 'desperate for love'... what's your social life like? Speaking as a lone parent myself I know how easy it is & what a mistake it is to think you have to give 100% to the DCs and leave no time for yourself as an individual.

it happened 3 1/2 years ago and the grief we all felt is ok, its just how do i find someone with upsetting the children and as i work i have no time for myself, it want some fun but feel bad that i want it seperate from the children . thank you for replying

Would it help to have a live in aupair, then you might have a little more freedom.

Hi am sorry to hear about your wife passing you sound like a lovely man and I am sure you are a great dad.Now all that said you need to find time for yourself we all need that nothing wrong with it. H ave you not got friends or family you could leave them with for a bit. Gyms are a good place to meet people even if it just a friend you make its a start and would lift your mood. Loads of women out there would love a caring guy like you

Your girls sound very lucky to have you how old are they? Do you have any family help who could have them a few hours over the weekend so you could go to the gym, join a running club etc to meet new people?

my girls are 14, 11 and 9 , i live in the middle of nowwhere and would love to meet a caring woman but it seems so far off , im 49 and due to retire this year but think i will stay on as at least i meet people at work , an aupair would be great but maybe a bit expensive ?

I'm very sorry for your loss.

We used to pay our aupair 100 euro for a 35 hour week. Obviously bed and board is thrown in too. If you live in the sticks, then you might need to put the aupair on the insurance of a car or arrange a bus pass so she can make her way into civilization from tiime to time.

There is a website called aupairworld.net, you could check it out for reference.
I think an aupair/nanny might work for you. There are tonnes of unemployed Spanish girls looking for opportunities to improve their english at the moment. My sister's aupair is almost 30 and has committed to aupairing for a year for the purpose of improving her English

I lost my partner nearly five years ago, my children were the same ages, do not rush, you can do this on your own, I also live fairly rural, it is hard.

that sounds good, i have decided to downsize because i live in an old large house and want to move into the 21st century ! so will be able to afford that

Sadly my family are a long way away and being a single man in a womans world i feel very alone, i am also seen as a threat by lots of husbands but now i only seem to have things in common with other mums ! does anyone out there understand ?

Could you move from the middle of nowhere.

With teenagers being in the middle of nowhere is not usually seen as a good thing

I doubt the husbands feel threatened they probably sympathize with you.

im going to move to a village but cant go to far as the girls like their school

Do you have sisters/brothers/in laws - people around the same age to expand the social life a bit? Babysit for each other to free up some time?

i am afraid not , i have a sister in law but she has 4 children and it gets very frantic and the girls hate it , i know i am painting a bleak picture but i do love my girls and am trying to balance things all the time . im bloody worn out

I've not much advice to offer, but I think you're doing a bloody brilliant job. Moving to a village sounds like a good thing, as your girls will inevitably find a social life of sorts which might offer you a few scant hours peace if nothing else.

thank you for your kind comments and they all help , i know im not a mum but feel like one, until my wife died i had no idea what runnung a home really involved !

daddysgirls - I have pm'd you You sound tired and a bit worn down.
Can you even get a cleaner who could take some of the load off a bit?

I agree a move to 'town' is a good idea. It's lovely to have a lovely house but your DDs will be desperate for things and people in a year or so And you already are!

Can the eldest babysit the others? And Could you cut your hours instead of retiring? Frees up time for courses, hobbies and dates and you keep work social stuff.

How sensible is the 14 year old? Could she cope with the younger ones for a few hours each week while you go to a sports club or similiar? You might meet someone there, but even if you don't at least you'd have a little bit of 'you' time.

i hear what you are saying about my eldest but i hate asking her to take on her mothers role, they watch me day and night and are so scared anything will happen to me

If you can organise child care, joining a club or recreational classes are a great way of meeting people. I am in an art class and we are all women.
We would love it if a man joined.
I babysit for a woman I met in the art group.
Best of luck.

You wouldn't be asking her that though would you? You'd be asking her to babysit her siblings, which I bet loads of other teens do especially if they are paid/bribed

You never know, she might even want you to socialise more. She might worry about you being lonely.

Feel free to completely ignore me though; I don't have teens and you know your kids best.

Good luck, and welcome to MN

thank you , so far MN has proved very hospitable even though im a man !!