I miss him

[nutcracker]

At first I missed having someone here but now I actually miss him.

But do the kids seem happier

Just think though the next relatuonship you have will hopefully be a positive experience for your kids and will teach them what a proper adult relationship is all about!!

Sorry Nutty, just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you and I agree that this is a grieving kind of thing that may last longer than you are comfortable with feeling. He will always be in your life as you have the children together. I don't know all of the history or the types of things that he did that were not empowering to you, but I do know that losing a partner no matter what the circumstances, is difficult for everyone. You are not alone.

They are happier that there are one set of rules i think, cos it means they know where they stand.

Thanks for the advice, am off to bed now am knackered just thinking about it all.

Nutty, what you are feeling is natural and I'd be more worried if I was in your situation and I didn't feel some sense of loss.

YOu feel let down by your dp and probably by yourself that things didn't work out. YOu have probably gone through the normal " could I have made things better"?

Give yourself time and don't rush any decisions you make.

This is the man that went £$£$%$% about you wearing a thong to work, You are SO STRONG without him, he was bringing you down,

Controlling men rarely if ever change. Many such people see nothing wrong with their controlling.

Nutcracker- I think you're upset as well because you want to speak to him again to get a degree of "closure" as the Americans say. Understandable as that is please do not make contact with him. You will not get any straight answers from him and it will take you even longer to recover from him and his controlling behaviours. You have been emotionally scarred by this individual and has he ever said sorry for what he did?. I think not.

Nutty I think you need to work on your own self image and worth and a counsellor may help in this regard. They don't all charge loads. I would also suggest you get a copy of "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft.

Am glad to read that your children are also happier these days. It is as a result of him not being there.

Controlling men are also very angry individuals. They don't need him - and neither do you.

Relate SUGGEST a minimum of £30 but when I found out about the affair I told them I couldnt afford £30 a session and was told £5 would be OK til I felt I could afford more.
They want to help and money isnt a real issue.

as for missing him, of course you do - its v v lonely at night when kids all in bed - thats the time I struggle

maybe a list or relate is a good starting point

how about going to the library - they have some good books on divorce/separation and explain clearly the different phases ytou go through - denial, grief, anger etc

hope today is a better day for you

Didn't realise that MM, will investigate that more then.

I am so confused right now it's giving me a headache. I know it's rare for people to change but I can tell he has been trying. Funnily enough the sister he is staying with is in a relationship with an awful bloke and I think he had a bit of a shock thinking he might be a bit like him.

He hasn't mentioned us getting back or anything, he isn't putting ideas into my head, it's me.

i agree with mm, definetely councelling helped me,

I find that i dont miss him i miss what we had ie the family and find it hard to see other families together,

I read lots of books including one called ' how to mend a broken heart' i felt such a saddo buying it in whsmith but i did and it really helped, if you want to borrow it i am happy to post it to you, it is only a paper back, like mm says you have to go through the different grieving stages,

I never thought i would get to the stage where i am now, the first 4 months i cant remember a day where i didnt constantly cry, and beg him back but i now truly feel like i have a new lease of life and i am much much happier, and i hope you will be to..........my ex left in june so it does take time to heal

Well he came down yesterday as I had one hundred and one things I needed to do so he ran me round, and ended up staying the night

Don't ask me if i regret it cos I just don't know.

Oh Nutty .............

This is the guy, who would not let you go out with your girlfriends, the guy made sure your nice clothes were in the wash if you really insisted you were going out.

Stay strong darling, stay strong.

Just told my RL friend and she thinks i'm nuts.

ah nutty, these things happen (i know!). i dont know too much about what happened but just be careful of putting him on a pedestal because im sure we all do after a while....i have before, ive only remembered the good things.

afraid I agree with LGJ here. you were miserable with him for so long, and so frustrated with him during/in the run up to the split, think very hard about what realistically would change if you did get back together.

How do you feel now?

nutty i am a few months further down the line to you

listen to everyone one here, please

there have times i have missed xh a lot, and even thought about telling him we should give it another go, but i know it wouldn't work, and i am only feeling what i feel through feeling the need for adult company

in fact when he is about i get really quite stressed, and seem unable to function because i feel myself getting more and more tense

xh has done not one thing to show me he has changed for the better, i keep hearing these great stories from him, but i dont see one scrap of difference

it's v easy to forget the worst side of a relationship over time, especizaly if you are lonely and finding it hard coping alone, believe me i know, but i guarantee you that if you took him back within a couple of months you will think you made the biggest mistake of your life again, and you will have to put the kids through so much pain for a second time

Now, now I feel shite.

of course you do, you split with someone you were with for a v long time, it is always painful

it will pass though

No i mean I feel like shit about last night, mainly because it will have given him hope.

i realised that after i had posted, but the same applies

has it made you realise you have done the right thing?

Oh nutty, wish there was something constructive I could say. I am in the process of getting back with xh so not the best person to advice.
Am thinking of you though. Take care of yourself and whatever happens think about what is best for YOU :)