Trivial? YES!!! But what can I do about his God awful hair?

[nightfeedssuck]

Just to preface this - I KNOW this is trivial. I know it is not a 'real' problem in the grand scheme of life. I KNOW it will sound very silly to you - please know that I do know this.

BUT..... here it is - I HATE my partner's hair. I have known him as a friend for 8 years as we have both gone off and done our own thing, traveled, lived our lives etc. and finally we got together Last year. When he reappeared he had swapped his lovely smart short cut for LONG girl hair - down to his nipples. Yuk. We had amazing chemistry - we still do! But he knew that I gravely disliked long hair on men (I really really do!). He cut off all his hair as a gesture to show how much he wanted to be with me (very romantic) and since then things have been wonderful. I love him. I am happy with him.

A year on - and he has stopped cutting his hair. I wouldn't have such a problem with it but
a/ it doesn't suit him at all
b/ it just looks a mess (he looks like Edward Scissor hands currently)

He is, to me, an incredibly attractive man and I miss him looking nice and smart - it is making me angrier everyday! He just looks silly.

I know you'll scream at me "if you love someone it shouldn't matter" but I greatly disagree - and there is a massive double standard. For example - he very honestly said years ago when I had brown hair he didn't like it. Therefore I wouldn't now dye my hair brown. Because I want to be attractive to him. I also wouldn't put on 5 stone because I wouldn't want him to physically go off me! I wouldn't shave my head if he disliked bald women - which i am guessing he does.

If he looked good I wouldn't give a rats - but he does not look good.

I know you can't change a man - and I don't want to change a hair on his head - except the hair on his head! Does anyone have any empathy for me? I suspect no.

(braces self for barrage of 'you materialistic cow bag!' - be kind please).

dye your hair brown and stop shaving your legs/armpits etc in blatant tit for tat?

you may have to go all paradoxical on his ass - can you start going on about how great it looks on him, how you'd really really hate it if he felt he had to change it for you and how everyone comments on how 'brave' he is with hairstyle choice? Get a really bad photo of it too and wax on about how lovely and fluffy/wispy it is!

I know where you are coming from Cheesestraw - and i completely agree. He is the same person. I love him deeply and would not consider leaving him. We are beyond that now and if he asked me to marry him I would say yes.
BUT i can't help but be increasingly annoyed that his appearance is changing to one that I greatly dislike. I still find him an intelligent sexy man (inside) - but come on... the outside does matter! It mattered when we met. It's not even that i don't fancy him - it's that every time I look at him now I think
CUT THAT F-IN AWFUL HAIR OFF YOUR HEAD!!!!! He looks ridiculous. If I looked ridiculous - I would want him to tell me!
I have tried the pics thing. He hates the pics of him with short hair.
I know that we are not in the courting stage and I know things change after the honeymoon. BUT - i absolutely HATE long hair on men. I always have. I have never been near a man with long hair. He KNOWS i hate this.

Does he hope he looks like Russell Brand?

Does he actually look like Russell Brand because if so I'll have him

Is this his way of telling you he is not that into you?

What sort of job does he have where he can look unkempt?

What sort of man is he to want to carry that look?

It would make me find the entire person unattractive.

But that is because long hair in men who are no longer students, is in my opinion a pretty stoopid look to carry.

Long hair is not cool on men at all.

I must admit, I thought this thread would be by the wife/partner of Boris Johnson. Rather disappointed that it is not.

OP he knows and he doesn't care. How does he express that he doesn't care?

I don't want to make myself look unattractive by growing body hair or anything - plus, he is too clever for reverse psychology. Way too clever. He has turned into someone who is "not my type" if you get my meaning. I do feel like it's materialistic - but God - aren't men worse than us!?? Come on...... He fancied me - and when I said Why do you fancy me he said because of your blonde hair and bottom! So if over the next few months I shaved my hair off and lost so much weight I no longer had an a@rse - I would think he would be well within his rights to have an issue.

The thing is, he might be really into having long hair and feel that this is his last chance to be able to pull it off before he gets old and goes bald. I had long hair for a couple of years despite knowing my DH preferred it short, just because I was enjoying having long swishy hair that I could put up.

Is he thin on top as well?

Perhaps you could ask him if he's growing a comb over?

EXCELLENT QUESTIONS
1 / If he looked remotely near anything based on Russell Brand - I WOULD HAVE NOOOOOOOO problem. Mmmmm....... He does not like Russell. I wish we had a russell brand based problem. That would be great.

2/ He LOVES boris Johnson.

3/ He has a job where he doesnt need to be smart really. I think he is into me. He says he wants to get married and is happy and if anything I think he is overly content. He does have a slight peter pan complex i think. Wears very boy like clothes too - and looks very young.

4/ He expresses that he doesnt care by saying "I dont care" or by just laughing when I bring it up.

grrrrrr......

He has tonnes of hair! LOADS of hair. His father has a full head of hair. He has no balding issues. There is no way he is going bald. Sometimes i wish he would. It is however going grey. He looks a bit like James May at the moment.

Aw, I like the James May look.

Sorry, not helpful

Maybe he just doesn't feel like himself when he's all smart? I would do some things because I know my DH finds them attractive, like keeping myself in shape, or not shaving my head, but when it comes to other things like clothes style then I would not appreciate him telling me to change that. He often takes the piss out of my unusual clothes, and I know he'd like me to dress more sexily (how original ) but I just wouldn't feel like me and I wouldn't do it. Do you think that's his problem?

He looks a bit like James May at the moment

^^ tell him that OP - that should get him running to a barber

If he looks like James May does that mean his hair looks like long pubes?

buy him some hair bobbles?

could you both compromise and have his hair cut a bit shorter or would that mean that you were both unhappy?

Oh it is getting worse.

Can you use to your advantage that he does not like Russel Brand?

well it could be worse!

ha ha ha - you are helping by making me laugh. he takes "you look like james may" as a compliment.
svan - agree - dont want him to look smart if it makes me uncomfortable. he gets away with ALWAYS wearing casual clothes - it's not that the hair looks not smart - it's that it just looks terrible. as in - it makes him look terrible.
he can be as relaxed and casual as he likes - but i want him to look attractive.

OP, just be patient and when it gets long enough he can put it in a ponytail and look like this.

accidentprone - i would love to compromise and even have it longish - into a nice style. at the moment it isnt even in a frickin style. it is just there - looking God awful. he looks like hes been dragged through several hedges and then electrocuted. there is no compromising with him.
what do you mean pureQ?

Svan- phwoar! this is not in any way shape or form what he will ever look remotely like. again - i would not have a problem.

he looks like a chunky feminist.

he looks like a chunky feminist.

Shame. Still, any excuse for a gratuitous picture of Khal Drogo.