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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I worrying over nothing?

30 replies

Boblina · 10/03/2013 19:49

Hi, I am not sure where to start but I need to talk to someone as it keeps going round in my head. DH and I have been married for 7 years and up until 2 weeks ago I thought our relationship was strong. But now I am not sure. 2 weeks ago I got a notification on facebook that my DH had joined facebook. He has always been against it so was suprised. I have not said anything as I thought he would tell me and ask me to be his friend. 2 weeks on and he still has not said anything to me. Should I be worried? Why has he not said anything? Or am I over reading this? Thanks

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 10/03/2013 19:53

I'm not on FB but how did you get notified when he joined? Would he know that you were notified?

Original poster

Boblina · 10/03/2013 19:56

I don't know how or why I was. I thought it strange too. I am not a regular on there. All very strange. I don't know if he knows I was notified. I am not really sure he knows. It did not say that he invited me to be his friend so don't think he actually sent it. All so confusing.

OP posts:

yellowbrickrd · 10/03/2013 20:01

If your relationship is strong i'm surprised you would be so concerned over it. Best just to tell him about the message you had and see what he says.

OhToBeCleo · 10/03/2013 20:01

I think it's something to do with the fact that your account is recognising his email address as one of your contacts. As to why he hasn't mentioned it, could he be embarrassed about being on there as he's 'always been against it'? Maybe he was curious about what all the 'fuss' was about and doesn't want to own up to it. Can you see if he's got any friends yet?

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 10/03/2013 20:06

Why not simply ask him?

Or better, send him a friend request, and see how he handles it?

Original poster

Boblina · 10/03/2013 20:20

Thanks everyone. I don't know why this has got to me so much. I am now just worried that if I do appraoch it he will denie it something. What if our relationship is not as strong as I thought? If it was not strong why would he want to buy another house together? I have some many thoughts? maybe I should just ask or send him a request and deal with what comes next.

OP posts:

ClippedPhoenix · 10/03/2013 20:38

Why on earth would you have to send your DH a facebook request? Why aren't you on there together? Very bloody odd.

greeneyed · 10/03/2013 20:41

I think it's possible you have been reading too much mumsnet. If you have no other reasons to worry and a happy strong relationship, just ask him.

ClippedPhoenix · 10/03/2013 20:44

Why would reading mumsnet make a difference?

StuntGirl · 10/03/2013 20:46

Juat ask him.

AnyFucker · 10/03/2013 20:47

You can't talk to your husband about this ?

It doesn't say much about your marriage, sorry

coffeeinbed · 10/03/2013 21:42

You have been married for 7 years but you don't think your relationship is strong enough to handle a friendship request on FB?

OhToBeCleo · 10/03/2013 21:55

I think the OP is worried about the reason her DH hasn't mentioned that he's joined (rather than the fact that he has) ie is there a need for the secrecy? And the fact that it's been two weeks with no mention.

OP if it was me I'd drop into a conversation something like "when did you stop being against FB?, you popped up as a suggested friend and I was surprised to see you on there".

ImperialBlether · 10/03/2013 23:12

I wouldn't do that. I'd ask him whether he had an account. If he denied it, then I'd start to dig a bit deeper.

squeakytoy · 10/03/2013 23:15

Have you looked at his profile? I cant understand why you cant just ask him either

drownangels · 10/03/2013 23:15

clippedPhoenix. What do you mean? Do you think they should have a joint FB account?

That would be odd!

greeneyed · 11/03/2013 13:55

Clipped I read the relationship board regularly and it is filled with posts of cheating spouses who have been found out via emails. texts, facebook interactions etc - I caught myself about to check the browser history of my DHs phone the other day - for no reason whatsoever except all the stuff I've read on here (I stopped and didn't do it). The more I read about cheating bastards the more I feel they all might be at it, which is of course silly and shouldn't be the OPs first reaction unless there are other signs.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/03/2013 14:48

I've just openend my e-mail and there's a bit of junk mail in there alleging that my Facebook account is blocked. Although I do have a FB account I strongly suspect it's a phishing e-mail. I also get similar mails telling my my Santander/Lloyds TSB/Barclays accounts are in dire peril and that my PPI insurance claim needs urgent attention .... none of which I have.

OP...you're overreacting. There's a lot of crap about. Ask your DH about it and I'm sure it'll be nothing at all.

ClippedPhoenix · 11/03/2013 19:21

Families do and are on facebook under one name. It doesn't have to be an individual thing.

Also, why on earth would he suddenly join and not tell his wife?

I'd class that as odd behaviour really and the fact that the OP can't outrightly ask him is also odd.

NatashaBee · 11/03/2013 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RivalSibling · 11/03/2013 20:11

I only joined FB for work reasons, so perhaps he did the same? He might not have thought to tell you if that was the case.

SweetSeraphim · 11/03/2013 20:12

It's a bit wacky though, Clipped, don't you think? It's like sharing an email account with your OH - aren't these people individuals?

SweetSeraphim · 11/03/2013 20:12

*wanky was what I meant to write, not wacky

ClippedPhoenix · 11/03/2013 20:15

Some may think it's wanky some may just like to share, and combine, no big deal. Doesn't mean you aren't an individual does it really in the whole scheme of things.

LemonPeculiarJones · 11/03/2013 20:45

Have you done a search to find his profile? If you can't find him, then he may have blocked you, which is worrying. Have a look. Then ask him about it. Maybe he opened it then closed it down because he couldn't be arsed with it. Or maybe there is something furtive going on.

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