Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Met a fab man but...

54 replies

ActiveC · 09/03/2013 10:20

He told me he as two children but in all actuality, he has four.

I dont have any but made it clear i absolutely adore children

if he can lie about such a thing , what else can he be hiding?

OP posts:
something2say · 09/03/2013 10:21

Don't wait to find out. X

Flojobunny · 09/03/2013 10:23

Depends what his reasons are for lying and how good at it he was and how long he lied for.

pictish · 09/03/2013 10:23

What she said.
Don't wait to find out. Fuck that. He's a liar. x

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 09/03/2013 10:24

How long did he lie for? And was it him that told you he has 4 children?

Original poster
ActiveC · 09/03/2013 10:39

we have been courting for all of 5 weeks.

He used my phone to check his email but forgot to sign out, thats how I discovered. He admits to the older two, aged 11 & 13 but not the last two, aged between 4 & 8.

We have discussed children at his behest not mine, he has stated his prefrrence, which fits with my desires also. His and my finances would support our views on large families.

This is why I am perplexed at his denial of his youngest two children.

OP posts:
Kione · 09/03/2013 10:42

all to the same woman? maybe he thought 4 will scare you off, still its not right!

pictish · 09/03/2013 10:56

What? 5 weeks in and you are discussing having children? How bizarre.

So I wonder how he chose which of his children to acknowledge, and which to deny?

Never mind alarm bells OP, I'm banging a gong.

pictish · 09/03/2013 11:07

He already has a large family.
Fancy extoling your views on having a large family to your new girlfriend, while conveniently neglecting to to add that you actually already have one!

I mean...that's a big omission.

SanctuaryMoon · 09/03/2013 11:10

I would bail, too! Sorry.

noblegiraffe · 09/03/2013 11:11

He's not fab, he's a liar and a bit weird.

GuffSmuggler · 09/03/2013 11:13

Someone who has 4 kids (and forgot 2) is discussing having more 5 weeks into a relationship!? I would run for the hills.

AmberLeaf · 09/03/2013 11:17

Are the younger two with a different Mum to the eldest?

He may not have mentioned them as he is still married to their Mum?

Either way, I agree with the others, don't wait to find out.

Original poster
ActiveC · 09/03/2013 11:28

I found out because I gave him my phone to check his email. he didnt log out of his email account.

I discovered an email where he was prodly proclaiming being the father of four wonderful children.

He wasnt married to his ExP.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 09/03/2013 11:31

When I say still married, I mean still in a relationship with.

Aspiemum2 · 09/03/2013 11:34

Well he obviously didn't forget so chose to lie, presumably convincingly.
That would spook me, although not as much as even having the chat at 5 weeks in - Christ I didn't even know how dh took his coffee by that point! What's the rush?

Xales · 09/03/2013 11:45

He already has a large family.

Do his finances extend to supporting all 4 of them decently or just the bare minimum stated by the CSA while the mothers pick up the rest of the tab plus any you have with him in the future?

Or do your finances extend to supporting any you have plus the minimum stated by the CSA split x number of ways including the existing 4 provided by him if you split?

He doesn't have a good track record if he has already ended 2 relationships with children involved and is lying by omission to you so early.

I would back off and take very careful precautions when you have sex if you are going to stay with this man.

Fairenuff · 09/03/2013 11:51

Well you could go ahead and have children with him. But then, a few years down the road what will he be telling his new girlfriend I wonder? That he just has two children, or four, or six?

gilly86 · 09/03/2013 11:52

OP as per my posts in your other thread (in AIBU), I think you need to ditch this fella as you're clearly having serious issues and doubts and its only been a month or so!

Either forget him...OR just concentrate on having fun and building a relationship.

But stop stressing out because you are in such early stages and you should be happy and excited at this very early stage.. Not worried, stressed and posting about it on the Internet!

Casmama · 09/03/2013 11:53

This whole thing sounds weird- he just so happened to leave his email open at tht particular email and you've already discussed having kids?

HollyBerryBush · 09/03/2013 12:03

Are all four really his, or are two step children?

Original poster
ActiveC · 09/03/2013 12:28

You mentioned 'mothers'. All I can say to that is I absolutely adore children. Should my SO have children, I would make sure he is providing for them as a father should.

When my father left my mother, that did not impact on his duty of financial care toward me.

OP posts:
UtterArse · 09/03/2013 12:29

I'd run for the hills - do you really want to deal with such weird crap 5 weeks into a relationship?

Lucyellensmum95 · 09/03/2013 12:53
Confused
FellNel · 09/03/2013 13:02

We have discussed children at his behest not mine, he has stated his prefrrence, which fits with my desires also. His and my finances would support our views on large families.

Er...he already has a large family. I'd swerve if I were you. He hasn't long left the mother of his kids - I think he sounds pretty irresponsible to be giving you the impression that he might like to have kids with you after only five weeks. And you sound very naive and inexperienced with men - I think he is taking cynical advantage of that. It will end in tears, mark my words.

izzyizin · 09/03/2013 13:12

You may have a preference for large families, but surely you don't give consideration to starting one with men you barely know? Shock Or are you intent of having 5mins of fame on the JK show?

i absolutely adore children As do many others who dream of having a football team of their very own - until they discover how much it takes to bring a striker and a goalkeeper into this world and give them the care and attention they need Hmm