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Original poster

Close friend excluding me from wedding plans

40 replies

RainyDaysandMondaysGetMeDown · 04/03/2013 17:28

I need some advice about whether I should confront my friend. I am part of a group of 6 friends since nursery school. My DS is 1 and since I was pregnant I haven't gone out on the regular nights out as much but try to see them at least once a month.

Lately I have been getting the feeling that one of my friends has got a problem with me - just because of some of the comments she has been making.

Anyway she is getting married in May and I found out through the rest of the group on a night out that she didn't attend that I am not invited to her hen night. I was upset at this but put it down to her thinking I may not make it because of DS.

Today I received the invitation to her wedding only to find out that I am only invited to the evening, when the rest of our friendship group are invited to the day.

I understand that she is allowed to invite whoever she wants, but I would really like to ask her if anything has changed or if I have offended her.

Our group is now trying to organise another more intimate hen night which would be just our group and I have obviously been invited. As it stands I feel really uncomfortable attending this night, and especially chipping in with the cost when I am obviously not wanted by the bride-to-be.

Does anyone have a similar experience of a long time friend suddenly changing?

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 04/03/2013 17:32

Do any of the rest of the group have dc? It may be she's trying to be considerate of your childcare needs, hence evening-only invite.

TheElephantIsADaintyBird · 04/03/2013 17:40

I have always just asked. If you get the opportunity to speak one on one with her just say something like "can I ask, have I done something to upset or annoy you recently? It might just be my imagination burin getting the feeling you're not too happy with me" or something like that. Keep it light.

You won't get anywhere with guessing, if she is really a close friend then she'll feel able to talk to you and the friendship can be saved

Bogeyface · 04/03/2013 17:44

Well I wouldnt go on the second hen night and would not be contributing to any costs. She has made it clear that you are not as close a friend to her as you thought so dont make it worse for yourself by setting yourself up for further hurt.

Original poster
RainyDaysandMondaysGetMeDown · 04/03/2013 17:45

I am the only one with DC, but no partner's are invited so she knows that DP would be happy to have DS.

I just feel like I go to a lot of effort to be included in the group and to make sure that I celebrate the big days. I wouldn't be too bothered if I wasn't the only one not invited in the day. I am probably over reacting but I am just really scared that this is the start of me being pushed out of the whole group for being the only one with DC. BTW we are all 24 so still young and the rest are very much 'party girls'.

What do you think I should do about the second hen night? Should I just suck it up and attend or should i stay away knowing that after a drink my mouth may run away with me. I really wouldn't want to ruin her night.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 04/03/2013 17:49

I wouldn't bother with her tbh. She's dumped you because you have a child. It happens a LOT. When she has dc it will happen to her too.

If asked about it she'll blame you btw. That you're too busy with the baby etc. Nothing about the fact that she is jealous or doesn't like competing for your attention. She won't want the baby at the wedding either I bet.

NorthernLurker · 04/03/2013 17:51

And I can't believe she didn't invite your partner. Selfish little madam!

Original poster
RainyDaysandMondaysGetMeDown · 04/03/2013 17:52

I would agree with you Northern but I know that she is very broody which is why she is getting married - very religious and doesn't want a baby out of wedlock. DS's birthday was last month and she chipped in on his present with the rest of the group so I don't know what to think.

OP posts:
Original poster
RainyDaysandMondaysGetMeDown · 04/03/2013 17:59

I understand why my partner isn't invited as he has only met her a handful of times, but I find it strange that my other friends partners aren't invited including one of 6 years and one who's house she visits for 'pre-drinks' every time they go out. Good enough to give her booze but not for an invite??

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 04/03/2013 18:00

Hmmmmmm - tell me more about this 'very religious' and the comments she's made that led you to think she had a problem with you.

WayneTait · 04/03/2013 18:04

Well, if she's 'very religious' she's doing it wrong isn't she! I've only got two 'very religious' friends (one Catholic one Muslim) and they are the last people who would EVER behave like this.

No way would I go on the second hen night. I'm surprised someone else in the group hasn't had a talk with her about this tbh.

Keep your dignity and if anyone asks why you weren't on the hen party or at the ceremony tell them you weren't invited.

plantsitter · 04/03/2013 18:04

She is being rude and horrible. What are the comments she's been making? Personally I wouldn't make any effort to attend any of her celebrations.

Once she has kids she will probably realise what a cow she has been, but you needn't be there for her when she does!

Original poster
RainyDaysandMondaysGetMeDown · 04/03/2013 18:05

I don't think it is because DS is a bastard child Grin. She is religious in the sense that her family are religious and have been in the public eye (grandfather was mayor)

The comments she made at the time were during a friends celebration party and that I was being inappropriate - considering I was the only one drinking lemonade and she was on her 4th glass of wine I did just want to laugh. It is also the way she says things and constantly interrupting what I say or trying to talk down to me (talking about politics)

OP posts:
Original poster
RainyDaysandMondaysGetMeDown · 04/03/2013 18:06

I am starting to see the bright side to the evening invite only though as her day dress code was neutral colours only "wouldn't the photos look lovely if everyone matched!!" Think I will rock up in a neon mini :P

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 04/03/2013 18:09

Aaaargh Bridezilla alert!

Unfortunately I still think it's ds's arrival that has been the problem. Not inviting all your partners is very weird too.

LIZS · 04/03/2013 18:09

Agree with Northern sorry . Harsh way to find out but it isn't something that has just slipped through the net. Do you really need a 2nd hen night , can't it just be a girls' meal out without the wedding overtones ? How awkward was it when the others realised ?

Original poster
RainyDaysandMondaysGetMeDown · 04/03/2013 18:10

Yes I do think she has a touch of bridezilla, she has warned one of the girls A (day invite) to behave and not make a fool of herself. And then informed the rest of the group that it is an open bar for the first few drinks but to not tell A as she would take advantage!

OP posts:
ShipwreckedAndComatose · 04/03/2013 18:11

What exactly did your other friends say about the fact that you weren't invited??

Tbh unless you adore this person, I would not go to the second hen night and I would see this as an excellent chance to demote the friendship to 'someone I have to be generally polite to when my friends get together'! And give her no more head space.

Original poster
RainyDaysandMondaysGetMeDown · 04/03/2013 18:12

They wanted a 2nd hen night for a butler in the buff as the first one will be a very respectable day of cookery classes and pizza making in the evening with no alcohol. I am not really happy going to see a butler in the buff to be honest either as I would be unhappy if my partner did the same thing on a stag night.

OP posts:
WayneTait · 04/03/2013 18:13

She sounds like a total hypocrite wanker, why on earth are you still mates with her??? Also "neutral" dress code??????? FFS that is gonna look DISGUSTING! she's an idiot.

Original poster
RainyDaysandMondaysGetMeDown · 04/03/2013 18:13

My other friends were very surprised that I wasn't invited and didn't even know until they started talking about the plans and I sat there wondering what the hell they were talking about. They have the same idea as Northern that she is a bridezilla and just getting carried away.

OP posts:
WayneTait · 04/03/2013 18:14

Um, so she's 'very religious' but she drinks loads, sees nothing wrong with paying men to demean themselves for her pleasure and is a stuck up cow? Ooooookay, what religion is she?!?!

Original poster
RainyDaysandMondaysGetMeDown · 04/03/2013 18:15

Catholic but she is only 'religious' for her family's pleasure.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 04/03/2013 18:16

You can get butllers in the buff? Who knew?

Anyway.......put this altogether, she looks down on you, she exclydes your son and partner, she's looking down on your friends, she didn't invite you to the hen night, she wants to control what people wear to her wedding......this is all adding up to somebody that I think you've been loyal to for decades and now she doesn't want to know YOU as you are.

Forget her.

Save the money you would have spen on the wedding for a treat with DP.

LIZS · 04/03/2013 18:19

She sounds a bit odd tbh and possibly jealous of your ds - hence the exclusion and wedding. People change, their lives and priorities change . On day she may realise but I doubt she 'd ever acknowledge it . If she has a dc of her own chances are she will always know it all, do it all, dc behave and develop better. Better to "lose" her now.

Bogeyface · 04/03/2013 18:22

Blimey she is hard work!

I still think what I thunk before, with addendum of dont go to the wedding!

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