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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

dh been using awork (here we go again) arghhh

68 replies

npg1 · 01/03/2013 11:53

Hi everyone. Well I posted about this time last yr after I found credit card statements for dh. We have been together 2 yrs, got married 5 months ago and things are good between us. We are ttc but having difficulties.

Anyway I nearly always secretely check his statements if I can find them, I know this is wrong but I worry what he outs on the card.

The past fews months every now and then something will flag up, a random payment to paypal which I thought was a dating site and turns out I researched wrongly. I did confront him but he said no way. A couple times aworks have come up. We ended up having row and him saying I dont trust him etc.

Now, 2 days ago the credit card statement came through, he opened it read out the couple of things I knew about and then put it on the side back in the envelop. I know I shouldn't have checked but I look and it was only the first part of it and the page was missing with all the spends on it.

So last night his work coat was hanging in the bedroom and I knew full well the page was in his pocket so I went to the loo and looked cos I was worried he was hiding something. On there was a £40 payment to awork. Arghhh.

Anyway the story gets better. He came up while I was in the loo and said he was getting phone out of his pocket and then went down. When I came out I checked and the oaoer was gone! He had put it in his jogging trousers he had on! So this morning I cleaned the bedroom whike he was getting ready for work and took his jogging trousers for washibg, he said they dont need washing and then he asked me to get his lunch ready downstairs cos he was in rush. So I did.

Now he has gone to work and the paper has gone again!

What do I do? We have been married 5 months. I have 2 children from previous. I dont want to confront him cos he will say im checking up on him. Do I monitor it for a few more months? I think he knows im onto him and have seen the paper cos he says I have been funny with him. Arghhh!

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 06/03/2013 09:39

He has lied, he is lying and he will lie again.

Imagine feeling exactly as you do right now OP, but with a with a 6 month bump, or a baby screaming upstairs.

Because i would be willing to put money on the fact that that will be what happens.

Have some love for yourself. Why put yourself through this over and over again? Make this be the last time.

something2say · 06/03/2013 09:41

When in doubt, do not. As they say.

Avoid him. Take time to think. Watch his behaviour. I presume you raise the issue of monthly payments as you are not sure now about getting into finances with him? Good. Think this way.

Let him see what he has done. Can you go out more with friends? He'll either worry and try to prove himself to you, or his long leash will hang him.

Remember, there's always another man my dear. Xxx

something2say · 06/03/2013 09:41

Do nowt that was meant to say!

npg1 · 06/03/2013 09:58

We just spoke and he is saying he is going to move out for few days

OP posts:
Lovingfreedom · 06/03/2013 10:09

Take him up on this and make sure he goes. Say something like 'that would give me time to think'. Don't beg him not to. Give yourself some time to think without him being around...it will make it much easier to think straight. [don't worry that if he leaves for a few days he won't come back...he will]

Doha · 06/03/2013 10:27

Can you put a hold on the car purchase?

jeangenie2 · 20/02/2015 09:22

Looking at porn is not cheating

ShumbTucker · 20/02/2015 10:06

Zombie thread! Jean take yourself back to your bridge.

borisgudanov · 21/02/2015 09:48

Jeanjeanie2 - isn't it? Even if you knew your OH had a problem with it?

Berrie1 · 26/02/2015 07:39

How are things OP?

RandomNPC · 26/02/2015 07:49

Jesus. How old is this thread?

Berrie1 · 26/02/2015 15:58

Oops just read whole thread without looking at the dates.

ErinsDad21 · 28/04/2015 16:05

Im seeing far too many comments saying "leave the bastard" etc. Listen, there's a REASON he's going on sites like that, and theres a REASON he's spending money there. He's escaping from something in his life thats just mundane. I bet he really loves you, and i doubt he's actually sleeping with prostitutes (you cant pay for that sort of thing on adultwork) - he's been buying credits to spend on camshows, phonesex and/or access to view explicit gallerys.
When he's watching/looking at these women he's not doing it do cheat on you, he's doing it because - i dont know whats going on in your relationship - but he's doing it for an escape.

Oh, and for the record, my wife had a full blown affair with a bloke the same age as her dad. (she's 24) did i "dump the bitch?" no... we both poured out exactly how we felt and sorted things out. Yh its not always nice but WHY does he feel the need to seek sexual enjoyment from a PC screen and not a living breathing woman like yourself?

Im interested to hear what came of this. Are you still together?

Hope you're ok whatever happened.

ineedabodytransplant · 28/04/2015 16:16

Keeps Erinsdad21 busy anyway Grin

TheJiminyConjecture · 28/04/2015 16:19

Do people search for threads on a.work etc just to spout crap or are they googling the site and end up here instead? Confused

WowserBowser · 28/04/2015 16:24

ErinsDad is bumping old threads about Adult Work.

He seems to know a LOT about it.

TheJiminyConjecture · 28/04/2015 17:11

Ah I see. Can't say I'd be too proud to have adult work as my mastermind specialist subject but hey ho Hmm

LoisPuddingLane · 28/04/2015 17:27

there's a REASON he's spending money there

Because he's a knob, mainly.

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