Virtual Circle of Friends

[MillyMollyMandy78]

On my last post about a lack of friends, so many of you reached out with your own stories/ support/ advice. Several of you also said it would be great if we had our own thread where we can just meet up and have a chat and be virtual friends.
I apologise about the boring thread name - I couldn't think of anything cleverer! So this is me reaching out... Who wants to join me & be my virtual friend? X

Threebats - your phone phobia sounds really tough and definately makes it more of a challenge making friends :(
You have convinced me that I should start writing again, even if its just a few lines. I did actually buy a journal a few weeks ago but it's still empty! Think part of my problem is I used to be a good writer in my teens but when i have tried in recent years, it sounds really lame and like some lame teen novel. I have a bit of a thing about perfectionism and can be very critical of myself but I should write from the perspective of it being fun/ therapeutic, rather than focusing on the end result.

I think the word Journal is daunting - you almost expect to have to fill it with wondrous musings that are full of wit, charm and also, deep thinking, ponderous observations of life.... I kept one in an attempt to get back into my writing - honest to God, its full of shit :)
But what it did do was make me write again. It started off as a journal, a notebook, by hand, in pen. Then I remembered why we all type in the first place - achy writing hand syndrome! Swapped swiftly over to laptop and pretty soon I was writing properly again and that was, as the journal was.., pretty suspect writing. Terrible grammar, pathetic word use, However - writing is an exercise I think, if you do not do it, you loose the technique and when you start again, you go back to basics and train hard? I wrote utter bollocks for ages before I formulated a story and it grew and grew.
I do it for pleasure, I have 4 finished novels here. I can't stop when I start, I become obsessed and write and write all the time. I wake up at night and have to write down what woke me in the first place - an idea! I have a box full of ideas written on scrap paper that I can pull out like from a tombola and go with it.
As you have written in the past, you will know that anything you do in a first draft will need re-doing. Don't focus on the end result focus on the first chapter/story. Then put it aside for a week. Then go back and read then re-write and do it again if you feel you have to. Grammar and so on can be proof read by a friend? I will proof read for you if you get to the end of a story...

Hi threebats and Milly I hope you are both feeling ok today.

One of the things I've found that helps make me feel better rather than continue on the downward spiral of depression is to write down or think of three things that have been good each day. It makes you focus on the positive rather than the negative. It was the hardest thing to do when I started but it does get easier. I began by thinking of stupid things just to think of something but it soon does make you realise that something good is happening in your life however bad you are feeling.

The writing things sounds like a good idea. I hope you don't mind if I start using it too

Hi Debstar, hope you had a good day today! Mine wasn't verey great really (already put long post on Mental Health section, & don't want to repeat myself too much). Just feel like such a failure. Had planned on writing 3 good things each day, as read somewhere else sbout this and thought it sounded a good idea. Also bought a big notepad today to start filling with all my ramblings!

Sorry to hear you had a rubbish day hope your feelin better. We're out all day today taking DS to visit DP's parents this morning and then to his brothers this afternoon. I'm feeling rather rubbish and would much rather go back to bed.

Good morning. I hope you feel better as the day goes on Tithead

Milly you've made a good start buying the notebook for your ramblings, now you just have to make a start on rambling. If three good things seems like too much for now how about trying one good thing. Buying the notebook could be that one thing.

I hope everyone has a good day. I'm off to run my preschool class this morning and then going to mums house to wash some clothes grrrr at my broken washing machine!!!

Thanks Deb it's been a long day. I will be taking some pain killers and a cup of tea to bed very soon and curing up with a book, I will more than likely read two pages and fall asleep with it in my hands. Grr to the broken washing machine, how very annoying.

Morning all,
I have been unwell, migraine, any light hurt, a crack of it coming through the blinds never mind a laptop screen!
Slight headache today which is a huge improvement so... Yeah! I can start to clean up a house which, left for three days without the Hitler of Cleaning shouting,'pick up your shoes! Put your dishes in the sink! What the hell is this on the floor? Anybody even know..? Whatever it is, its morphed into a map of South America... Can somebody clean it up?' It was cat sick - again... I have a kindly neighbour who feeds my cats leftover food on a plate by her back door... They eat it all gleefully then come home and vomit it back up.
I have mentioned this to her but alas...
Not much to report aside from vomit-gate.

molly I have popped onto your other thread, out of interest, where abouts are you living? I think that it is quite possible for anybody to arrive at a point where they feel useless and have no direction or possible use to anybody. Contrary to what some have said about pulling yourself together as if its as easy as pulling a pair of curtains together - its not quite so easy once you have become rooted into a thought system of having no consequence to anybody/thing. You have to take small baby steps back into society almost and that is why I ask where you are living, so we can pop onto google and find you something, a point at where you can at least start?
Nothing is impossible :)

Lastly - I hate mothers day. I could not find a card yesterday for my mother than was not full of sentiment... Considered sending my mother a sympathy card instead, 'My deepest sympathies on having such a shite daughter, but chin up old girl, you have your sons!'
Did not purchase one in the end - I couldn't stomach the hypocrisy...

Phone phobia !! I so get that. I find myself having to rehearse what l am going to say i l have to phone someone and if it rings in the house and l dont recognise the number l dont answer it.
DH and l going on holiday on Wednesday. I often envy couples who can go abroad meet other couples and spend time together in the evenings while there. I wouldn't know where to start, so it will be just us 2 for a week. DH is brilliant company tho
Chin up all you lovely ladies...let's have a group hug for mothers day

Hi everyone! Hope you feel better Threebats, i egt migraines myself so know how horrid they can make u feel. I live in Essex - don't want to out myself by saying exactly whereabouts, as i fear I have already put too much specific, detailed info already on my other posts. I know it's not as easy as pulling myself together, and at moment am planning on taking baby steps first eg dog walking and a bit of housework every day, before i move onto bigger things. funnily enough i find this easier than doing something fun - part of my cbt homework was to do a simple planned fun activity each day and i couldn't manage one thing! I am luckier than many in that i do not have kids to look after so i have more free time, but i just couldnt rustle up the energy to do something nice! It seemed such a chore - i actually did housework instead on a few occasions! Just weird lol!

molly Oh, now, I challenge your 'luckier than most as I do not have children' - If my three left home I would be alone. Well, I would have the vomiting cats but really, some days, they leave for college/school and I just hang about waiting for them to come back.... I think you almost apologise for feeling bad because you have no children to run about after, given this is MN and all - don't do that. Don't apologise because you feel bad :) I am lucky because I have the kids to run about after, it means there are three people I can talk with or laugh with or just miss when they are not here. It must be tough for you because you do not have the distraction of three bodies laying about the place whom you can kick for fun as you go past (only done it three times today - once each because they threw chocolate wrappers at me which one of the cats decided to chase therefore jumped on my chest as I was trying to drink coffee - absolute carnage - jumper in washing machine as I type).
Essex is enough info - now then, what do you like to do? I like swimming, for example and go if I can each day a week. I am up to 90 lengths, that is 25m pool NOT full olympic size pool because if it were full olympic size pool I would not been typing this on account of the fact - I drowned.
Is there an exercise that you enjoy? Or one you have always wanted to give a go? Let's start there. If there is, where would you like to go do it in your area?
Doha Phone phobia - yeap... Its a joy. I have to brace myself before I make a call. Make coffee, sit down, breath deeply and think hard about what to say. I have, today, plugged phone back in - it won't last - it will ring, I will wait till it stops, 1471 it then call back if I know the person or not bother if I do not then pull out of wall again and live my life vicariously via the radio dj's and songs!

Hi everyone!

Sometimes the thought of doing stuff is harder than actually doing it. I used to talk myself out of doing things all the time. Baby steps is a good approach. I used to make sure I had to go to the shops each day so I would time it so I ran out of bread on a different day to running out of milk if that makes sense.

Also, I think having children makes things easier because you have to get up and go out for them so it means you can't hide away.

Do you like reading? Is there a local library you could go to?

Oh, Debstar - good idea... Molly, you like to write? How about looking up your local library and seeing if they have a writers club? I know, 'club' strikes fear of God into us people that can't make friends but... But... Writers tend to be tame folk, don't they? Secluded souls who spend all their time alone writing? You do not have to contribute to the writing, you can say you want to sit in a few times to get your writing muse back? Not an uncommon thing for those in a writing group to hear I would have thought?

I would be interested in a writer's club, but do feel it would be nice to actually start writing first. I love to read, but have almost stopped completely cos my concentration is not always great, but I have had a look at a couple of online reading groups and decided to join one cos it might give an added incentive to start reading again. I am not sporty but i do enjoy aqua classes so have googled times of local classes - there's one i could do on friday mornings before work. As for other stuff, not really sure what I like as i tend to make excuses when i feel uncomfortable with an idea! That needs to stop!
Thanks for your continued support, Threebats & Debstar - it does help! I hope u had a good day with ur family today! I take your points about it not necessarily being easier cos i don't have kids - tbh i did put it tha way cos i know how hard some people have to work and almost expected a flurry of people coming on here saying how can u be tired/ depressed/ not make time for yourself?... I have 17 kids and I manage! Etc etc... Lol
And Threebats, i know what u mean about my mothers day... I hate it too ... I trawl the shops for a card that just says the minumum (not the best mum in the world, my best friend, blah blah blah) x

Molly depression and anxiety have been part of my life for a very long time. I suppose they have become my friends I know what works for me and if passing that on to someone else can help them then I will be extremely happy. Please start small with doing things like clubs and stuff. Start with one and be happy with going to that. Otherwise you may stop doing all of them if you try too much too soon.

Mother's Day didn't happen here...I didn't remind my teenagers or give them money to get me something so didn't expect a thing. I'm the same with cards for my mum. I didn't bother this year. I know that sounds terrible to other people but I really couldn't be arsed.

Hi everyone sorry to hear you have all been going through such a rough time. I have been feeling quite low recently. Have been on long term sick since November with severe stomach pains and it's really starting to take its toll. It feels like it magnifies all the minor niggles into bigger issues than they are.

Good morning all!
You guys are all English right? Aside from deb anyhow, that I know of - I feel I have to give you fair warning - Wales need 8 points to win over England next Sat in the rugby and take the championship - next Sat for 80 mins - we will be enemies lol!
Okay - that's covered....

Molly I concur with Deb - take small steps, pick one thing to do to begin with. Any more than that will overwhelm you and you may then just give up on everything. Its like anything in life that seems difficult or insurmountable - tackle just one step, one thing at a time. Pick one thing to do, so the Aqua class and do it for a few weeks before you pick another thing? Don't even think of another thing until you've done the first thing and are comfortable with it?

Tithead I am sorry, I failed to even mention you yesterday, feel like I have left you out. How are you feeling today? Mothers Day here? Well, I did 4 washes, ironed for 2 hours, cleaned the upstairs, cooked dinner.... I did not give the kids cash to get me a card either. They did bake me a cake.... I got up Sunday morning to absolute bedlam in the kitchen. They did this cake at 2am Sunday morning, they washed up after but there was flour and icing all over counters and the floor :)

Any snow where you all are? None here.

Oh and Molly nobody thinks your worries and concerns and upset and/or depression is any less than a person who has kids to take care of.
It does not matter if you have no kids, one kid or 17 kids, if you are feeling crap, you are feeling crap.
I don't like it when others say 'Oh what are you complaining about!? I have to do x and y and z and then some...' Almost belittling what a person feels because their lives are busier/more complicated/harder.

No one person's situation can be compared to another's as they are all unique and individual circumstances. The people are different and the situations are complicated. So you won't hear that claptrap around here :)
x

Look at me with no morning life therefore able to post three times!
Its snowing here, that's all I wanted to say - am off to get my face on before I step out for art supplies for offspring #3 art gcse - why oh why do we have to pay for these things now? Bar humbug.
x

Hi threebats don't worry. We went to soft play and then had a take away for tea. We were planning on going to a farm but it was snowing in the morning. I know what you mean about the cakes ds and dp love baking but the mess they make is unbelivable. How is everyone today? Anyrhing nice planned?

Hi threebats Wales will win next weekend. Hi Molly,Tithead and everyone else too

I am originally from England and my sons are English but I have lived in Wales for so long I feel like I am honorary Welsh and my boyfriend is Welsh too. My eldest says I am a traitor and I should be supporting England but I feel my loyalty is with Wales. It's gonna be a tough day in our house regardless who wins I fear!

Today is a cold cold day. Snow has gone now and I hope it stays away. Lots of stuff to deal with in my mind too. Family dynamics and all that shite!

Had some jolly good neighbour call by the urge me to sign a petition and attend a meeting to object to travelers setting up camp about half a mile away - he wants a village green instead... ffs - A village green? Last time i looked, this was no bloody village?

The poor chap had the unfortunate luck to have knocked my door just as I was listening to Jeremy Vine and the whole debate about benefit caps and cuts and when a chap had just been on saying, the people at the top, politicians and bankers, have fecked up this country and the people who can least afford it are now paying for it - something I strongly concur with.
As the mother of a 19 year old with high end autism and aspergers facing his (formerly dla) pip being taken off us next month unless I fight like a dog on steroids to keep it let alone have it upped, God forbid they up the allowance, eh? Given he is now technically an adult therefore life is even more constricting and difficult and expensive for us...

This chap asked if he could come in, it was cold, heck of a wind and chill - I said no, its colder in my house than it is outside on account of the fact I can't afford to put heating on so best he stay where he was while he worries about his village green... Some of us have bigger things to worry about like, oh, heat or eat and no pension when old and no care for disabled young person forcing me to work for crap money, from home, while I care for him... This 'meeting' will eventually involve the council and local Mp's therefore, politics and fecked if I am getting involved in politics as they are all lying sods who could not give a stuff how actual real people live as long as their view is not soiled by a caravan or three on a site they earmarked to be a village fecking green.
He did pull a very alarmed expression - guess I should really shut my mouth and just nod like a good girl and sign a piece of darn paper when asked....

Hello, just checking in. There's a lot of thread to catch up on! Milly, sorry to hear you have been so down. The other VF's have been giving some excellent advice. Be kind to yourself and as the others have said, take baby steps. I have on/off depression too and when it hits badly I just withdraw into myself and become a bit of a hermit. It helps me to know that other people feel like that sometimes and I'm not a total nutter.

Threebats, your posts are very entertaining!

Blooming freezing here in Glasgow, little bit of snow overnight but most of it has gone now. Its been a busy few days as my other half is away for the week (work thing) so its just me running the show. Luckily the kids have been pretty good but I am totally knackered already and he's not back til Thursday. Hats off to those who do this all the time.

Well we had the weirdest weather here today. Woke up to snow, then bright sunshine, then snow, then sunshine on and off all day! Was bloomin cold mind you!

Hi Monstermuncher you will be fine! Every hour is an hour closer til your other half is home again

threebats now now surely the village green is of major importance to everyone My soon to be 16 year old is almost certain to be diagnosed with Aspergers and I am totally clueless as to where I go from here.

I hope everyone has had a good day

sorry for the excessive use of smilies!

Hi Debstar, I like the smiley faces. Kids are both tucked up in bed and I have wine, kettlechips and mumsnet for company! I also have a throw over my knees like an old lady and it feels pretty darn cosy.

I dont have any experience of Aspergers but there are plenty of people on here who do so perhaps they can offer some support.