How can I become less snappy and stop taking offence at everything

[snapaaa]

I snap all the time.

I feel like I'm being got at/criticised often.

I take everything personally.

I hate being like this.

Are you getting enough sleep? Lack of sleep is a MASSIVE trigger for me.

I have always had trouble sleeping but have a pretty good sleep pattern at the moment and get a reasonable amount (albeit with several wakings and periods of tossing and turning through the night). I do feel tired most of the time though.

I just seem to take everything the wrong way at the moment.

So this is a newish thing? Are you under stress of some kind - work/relationships? Dare I mention the menopause...?

Is this just at home or at work/with friends? If it's just at home, how about imagining you're talking to your boss or your friend instead of DP or your DC? Or there's the old trick of imagining you're being filmed for a reality show...

Speaking from experience, could it be anxiety? Have you been depressed/stressed this usually manifests/turns into anxiety

You have just summed up exactly how I feel/am at the moment.

I know I am knackered though I get sleep. I work and have a toddler and my dh works over an hour away so I do teatime and bath on my own.

I am stressed about work and there is some shit going on there.

I am anxious about moving house - we are putting on the market next week so I have underlying anxiety about that.

My period is coming and going (am on depo, normally no periods)

I am hoping that when these things, or at least some, resolve themselves that I will come out of the blackness. Dh and I are sound and solid but I just feel annoyed at him all the time and I know its not him. Well not all the time. I don't really know what to do so I'll be reading any replies with interest.

Meant to say I take everything personally too and I know my perspective is skewed so I try to ignore or override my instant reactions. But even if I manage not to react badly I still worry/get annoyed.

Well I went through a rough time a few years ago, became depressed then it turned into anxiety. This has taken a long time & I only realised it about a year ago. It's hard to control when it gets to this stage so get some info on it, speak to someone. Am only learning how to cope now. I hope things start to get better soon, just try and find things that make you feel calm and avoid the things that upset you. For example my trigger is people being late, as it upsets my routine. So I try and ensure I am calm and that they are ahead of schedule. Good luck, hope this has helped x

Are you eating properly? My DP gets madly snappy when he's hungry.

I'm snappy with the kids if they don't do what I ask them to do- especially if it means we are going to be late, or if they make a massive mess, or if they are whingy.

I sometimes take offence at what random people say (eg my boss commenting on what I had for lunch and saying she must pay me too much because i had 5 counties cheese rather than plain cheddar really pissed me off) but I don't snap at them.

Its mostly dp. I take offence and think he is criticising everything. I took bacon to his house for breakfast the next day and he said "the bacon is frozen!" and I immediately snapped back.

I asked his opinion between two skirts to buy, he replied that he thought shorts would be better and I took it personally and was really annoyed with him for over 5 minutes.

I asked him a question and he got me to repeat it twice before admitting that he was actually listening to the radio and could I hold on while they finished the bit they were doing. I snapped "I don't have a pause button" and refused to speak once he'd finished listening. It was only 2 mins but I felt really offended and as if the radio interview was more important than me.

The thing is I know even as I am doing it that I am reacting out of proportion and that I am.being snappy and getting offended by nothing but I can't seem to stop it.

I'm not too stressed.

I returned some parcels for refund 2 weeks ago and haven't had the refunds yet. Both companies are telling me to just wait it out which is stressing me a little bit as I now have neither goods nor money and it's out of my control.

I stupidly signed up for something online without reading the small print properly and so got charged a reasonable sum of money. It was stressing me out a bit trying to get the company to agree to cancel it but I think it is sorted now.

I have an assessment for my course coming up at work next week. There's nothing I can really do to prepare for it but I guess it's at the back of my mind. I also know my boss wants me to push through the course faster but I honestly can't do it, I struggle for time as it is. I don't think she takes into account I am a single parent and I don't have family around to help out, or realises how much work the course involves. I spent an entire day last weekend doing my coursework, as well as having done bits as and when I could for the previous two weeks and my poor children were left to their own devices all day. Then I was snapping at them when they wanted my attention

I often tell my husband to be quiet if he starts talking to be when I'm listening to something on the radio. We don't have a radio with a pause button and although it may look to him as though I'm doing nothing to me my brain is busy. If it's only 2 minutes that was over reacting. Him wanting to wait 2 minutes whilst he finished listening has nothing to do with how important you are to him. If he is always too busy to talk to you that's concerning, but not the fact that he has other things except you in his life. His comment on the bacon just sounds like a comment on the bacon, although I wouldn't take frozen food to someone's house for breakfast and he probably wondered why you didn't either defrost it or buy fresh bacon if you planned to eat it then. It doesn't defrost well in the microwave.
The shorts comments sounds odd as you didn't ask him about shorts just to choose between 2 skirts. I'd probably have replied "sorry I asked you which of these TWO skirts I should get, not which other random garments I should purchase". I rarely ask my husband's advice on clothes though and wouldn't get upset by this.
I think alot of not taking things personally comes down to having more confidence in yourself so you believe you are still a loved and unloveable person even if your boyfriend wants to finish listening to a radio interview or doesn't like either of the skirts you like. Self help books and psychology can help with confidence.
If your boyfriend makes you feel worse rather than better about yourself it may be the relationship isn't working though

When will the course be finished?

What can you do to reduce the things you do, even temporarily? Does anyone owe you a play date? Call it in now! Can you work from home occasionally? Can DP come to you instead of the other way round for a bit?

Are you breathing fully? If you feel yourself about to snap, can you nip to
Your room/the loo, say "argh" or "fuck" or whatever then fill your lungs properly 2-3 times.

I have felt like you and these things help.

2Rebecca I KNOW it is me overreacting which is why I posted the thread asking how I can stop doing it and not a thread moaning about dp. The examples I gave were to show how ridiculous it is and how minor the things I snap about, not to complain about him. Sorry if that wasn't clear. I KNOW the problem is with me not him. (the bacon btw was for breakfast the following day, it defrosted perfectly in the fridge overnight). My self confidence is normally ok but it maybe being slightly eroded by the fact I feel like a stroppy nightmare at the moment!

Thedoctrine I only started my course in Jan so a lot of it is probably adjustment to the extra work and knowing my boss would prefer I did it faster doesn't help. I have explained to her that isn't currently possible but she didn't really seem to take it on board.

I work with children so can't work from home, although I have to do my planning and their folders in my own time. That's a couple of hours a week but usually easily manageable.

None of it is anything major but I suppose the little things all add up and its intensified by the fact there isn't currently a single area in my life where I can turn and say "everything is ok there". Im normally quite good at brushing off minor annoyances (like the things with my returned parcels) but it seems to be getting to me at the money and I don't really know why.

If you view your boyfriend as your partner then can't he look after the kids when you get on with other stuff? To me that is the difference between a boyfriend and a partner. A partner should be supporting you through stressful times, and usually people with supportive partners don't describe themselves as single parents. It sounds as though you're just going through a busy patch in your life at the moment with no time to yourself and little help from your boyfriend.
Does it matter if your boss would prefer you to do your course faster? If it doesn't affect your job or the course I'd just try and see your bosses inpatience as her problem and ignore it and just keep showing her the course timetable and telling her that is the timetable you can cope with and are working with.

Try not to absorb anything your boss is giving off - for one, you may be misinterpreting (she could be stressed about something personal to her, for eg) for two, you have stated your position, it's reasonable, try and just repeat eg "no, as I said, this is the pace that works for me and gives me best chance of passing" - she wouldn't want you to fail!

What is your diet like at the moment? I found cutting out sugar and processed carbs made me feel a lot calmer - worth a go?

I think studying while working can be very stressful because it's always hanging over you and you don't get any downtime, plus you end up studying when you're not really feeling awake enough to do it. Having suffered through a GTP last year I can understand where you're coming from. Can you do a detailed timetable for the next few weeks and schedule in some short breaks where you do something relaxing (even just half an hour watching something you like on telly?) It's important to have something to look forward to. Will completing the course benefit you in some tangible way like a pay rise -- can you focus on that? Consider visiting the Staffroom section on MN as people often have good suggestions and someone might have done the same course?

Also when you've done the timetable you could show your boss if you think it would help if she is not a single parent she may not appreciate the magnitude of what she's asking in pressuring you to hurry up. I agree with TheDoctrine also that your boss may have other things on her mind (her boss?!) I have twice had bosses who used to harass me to do things in unrealistic timetables and it turned out one was miserable in the job and the other had problems at home nothing to do with me...

Following on from advice about diet and sleep patterns I would go further and suggest that you talk to your GP and ask them to check you out physically. There are many physical medical conditions that can lead to mood-swings, irritability and chronic fatigue. The reason cutting out sugary foods and processed carbohydrates helps some people, for example, is because these lead to over-production of insulin which is a factor in pre-diabetic conditions. Simple malnutrition is another factor. Being low in iron or other minerals and vitamins can cause all kinds of problems.

Worth getting checked out by your GP, therefore. Worth including a daily multivitamin with iron as part of your day. Well worth making sure you're getting your 5-a-day fruit and veg and that your diet is balanced and varied.

prozac!

i'm actually only being half facetious there.

depression comes out differently in everyone and for some it is like constant pmt type like irritability and snappishness and being constantly on edge.

My diet is pretty good. Lots of veg, complex carbs, protein. Some crap as well but not every day. I've been exercising for the past few months to try and be even healthier (previously I just walked a lot) but sometimes it stresses me out fitting it in!

Sorry yeah he is probably my boyfriend rather than partner. I call him my partner because we know we are in it for the long haul, we have discussed living together and marriage etc. However we don't yet live together and though he will babysit etc when he can I don't expect him to have responsibility for my children. He is incredibly busy himself at the moment so I can't ask too much of him.

Hopefully once a few of the little bits are sorted and I adjust to studying better I will feel better. It really is stupid things like I don't work Monday afternoons and kids are at school til 3 so previously I used that time to clean my house, go to supermarket etc and Id then be set up and organised for the rest of the week. Now I have to use that time for my coursework and I haven't yet found the best time to do the rest without it always feeling like I am rushing from one thing to the next. It has to be done, i just need to find the best way to organise myself so it all gets done without me getting so stressed.

I will bear the gp in mind though for if I continue to struggle past the next couple if weeks.

I just want to add I am by no means saying I am hard done by for no longer having Monday afternoons free, I know I was lucky to have had that and iit's simply the reality of being a working parent that everything has to be squeezed into evenings and weekends, its just adjusting to the new routine and finding the best way to organise myself that I am struggling with.

I hear you. I have two DCs and a full-time job, and it is hard to fit everything in, especially if you lose time you previously had. Doctrine is right re the breathing, I do this, especially at flash points (being late and mess!), and it helps.

But I am also going to agree with 2Rebecca that your DP does have some responsibility, because time you spend with him (probably evenings/weekends) is also time you take away from organising your life. Now that might be time spent in a positive way, but if you are snapping at him, is it just because he is the nearest to you, or because he is putting additional pressures and expectations on you?

He doesn't have responsibility for your children, but if you are spending time together, and your time is squeezed, then maybe there are things he could do to help out? Just a thought. The 'he is busy too and I don't like to ask' excuse is worrying from my own experience, but if he is in it for the long haul, as you say, then it is about your wellbeing too. There is an awful lot of 'I need to organise myself better' in your post, given that you have a boyfriend/partner on the scene who is talking about marriage.

Apologies if I am way off beam here, but I would be looking at ways to share the organisational load before I moved in/tied the knot (speaking from bitter experience).

OP, now you've posted more about losing your Monday afternoons, it's even more understandable! Don't call that a stupid thing, it's big!

Can the kids tidy whilst you clean? Can you do an online supermarket shop?