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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How can I become less snappy and stop taking offence at everything

30 replies

snapaaa · 23/02/2013 19:52

I snap all the time.

I feel like I'm being got at/criticised often.

I take everything personally.

I hate being like this.

OP posts:
wordyBird · 24/02/2013 14:42

To my eyes you sound stressed because you have a lot of irritating things going on at present, and your workload has increased: but you haven't got a new routine or been able to delegate anything. You are also working harder, but there is scant reward atm.

One problem is that routine household matters need time, effort and thought, even when you have more important things to do (a fact that never seems to feature in time management books) .

So: you do need a specific slot for your former Monday afternoon jobs ? it looks like a 3 hour slot? Otherwise, revert to the old routine and find a 3 hour slot for study, or three sets of 1 hour slots, or similar.

Or see if any of that can be delegated, or reworked ? eg, someone might need to babysit for an hour while you work.

It seems almost as if that slot was keeping your stress levels down and now you don't have that, so it's pretty important.

Next thought: take proper breaks while you study/work, and do it before you snap! Pretend you're having your statutory 15 minutes tea break.

If you can go outside and take a ten minute walk, better still.

But you also need another adult to hand sometimes. You can't be expected to study, work, run a home and keep children safe and entertained without a bit of support now and then. Can you swap favours with a friend, call on a relative, buy in help with anything at all ?. What could you suggest to a friend of yours in your position? Your partner is an obvious source of support, but don't want to press that if you're not happy with the idea.

Mumsyblouse · 24/02/2013 14:51

You have had some good advice, getting extra help, reworking the schedule to fit everything in (I find I don't feel like I'm doing nothing properly sometimes, not being a great mum, or a great partner, or a great worker, or a great housekeeper, it's a lot to ask!)

I also find that when I'm stressed and grumpy, snapping and being irritable becomes a habit. What works for me is to do something like a 20 minute relaxation (I use an old cheap CD I found in a charity shop) or do some deep breathing/meditation/mindfulness even for 10 minutes. I find if I calm myself down a bit, I cope better even though life is stressful, then everything seems less stressful and so on. It might be you don't fancy this at all, but I just thought I'd mention it.

Mumsyblouse · 24/02/2013 14:51

Doing 'anything properly' of course, I am quite good at doing nothing!

snapaaa · 25/02/2013 15:14

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

Snowshapes I think I have given the wrong impression re my boyfriend (that's a hassle to type, dp was much easier Wink) I'm not afraid to ask him for help and he helps where he can but he is genuinely very busy himself. He has his own business and works long hours including evenings and weekends and is renovating a house at the moment (with the view to it being our family home in the future once it has been rented out for a bit to recoup some of the costs).

He works from home a lot so will work from my house to wait for deliveries/repairs if he can. He picks up my parcels for me. He picks up bits of shopping etc en route to my house. He takes my cats to the vet if the appointment is in working hours, he picks my children up from the cm if I am running late.... If I cook he washes up... He does a lot to ease my load and other than cooking him dinner a couple of times a week (which i would be cooking anyway for the dc and me) I do very little to ease his.

The problem really isn't with him or our relationship, its just me being stressy and snapping over everything (which he has been amazingly tolerant of so far)

OP posts:
snowshapes · 25/02/2013 16:03

Oh, snapaaa, I'm sorry if I made you feel like you had to defend your boyfriend. I just thought it was an important base to cover. I'm disentangling myself from six years of my H saying that we had the same pressures (when I had the children to look after too), that weekends were for relaxing (when I was renovating the house and pregnant), and me trying to cram seven days of stuff into five so that I could 'relax' at weekends. My snapping, and I did it, was because of trying to meet unrealistic expectations, and I do it a lot less now.

So, I was extrapolating, and I am really, really glad that your man is different. I just felt it an important point to make, just in case.

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