Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Absolutely disgusted/stunned this ever happened to anyone else?

74 replies

frankycard · 16/02/2013 11:10

Way TMI is coming but I have name changed and need to get this off my chest.

Internet dating...First weekend with new man, respectable, 50's polite and somewhat shy.

In bed for the first time.

He pesters me relentlessly for an@l, insists his ex loved it? and offered use of a douche, whipped out 3 vibrators, and suggested I use one on/in his backside.

I obviously left but still in a state of shock, he accused me of being repressed.

WTF is all I keep thinking

OP posts:
DifferentNow · 16/02/2013 11:12

WTF indeed. His issue OP, not yours.

Original poster
frankycard · 16/02/2013 11:13

Thanks, I thought it was a bad dream, still stunned now

OP posts:
Beamur · 16/02/2013 11:13

Thankfully not! If you had no idea he was into this kind of sex that must have come as a bit of a surprise - and obviously an unwelcome one.

Each to their own and all that, but not reasonable to insult someone when their preferences are different.
I'm guessing you won't be seeing him again.

SolidGoldBrass · 16/02/2013 11:15

Well, he's very rude. He would have been very rude if he'd pestered you relentlessly for a kiss on the cheek or conventional PIV - it doesn't sound like he was interested in your feelings or desires at all.

Just bin and move on, and don't worry about it.

chickensarmpit · 16/02/2013 11:15

What the hell is a douche?

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 16/02/2013 11:15

Bloody hell, how romantic. At least you know what he's into straight away. Opened minded and all that but the pestering is a big no-no on its own.

Original poster
frankycard · 16/02/2013 11:16

Yes totally shocked especially when he aggressively said it was normal, I was repressed and needed to live a bit.

I'm not repressed but the thought of sticking something up a mans bum and an@l turns me off.

Thought I had seen it all, obviously not!!.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 16/02/2013 11:16

If thats what floats his boat then fair enough (although I would be wondering about is "leanings"), but thats a bit much for the first time! Its the sort of thing that should develop over the course of years surely?!

Definitely not your problem!

Original poster
frankycard · 16/02/2013 11:17

Thanks! was an anal douche I gather!!

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 16/02/2013 11:19

wow. that's quite something for a first time with him. Sounds like he was really aggressive. He wasn't interested in a mutually pleasing experience, was he? I agree with Solid, it smacks of him just wanting to use you for his pleasure and not really being interested in what you want.

Good decision to just get the hell out of there.

Original poster
frankycard · 16/02/2013 11:20

I love mums net...was harranged whilst I dressed about how normal it all was etc..jeez

OP posts:
Lovingfreedom · 16/02/2013 11:21

....asking nicely and being prepared to get a yes or no answer is one thing....Pestering is always a deal breaker...and a turn off too. Wonder why the ex who loved it f*cked off? Hmm...

Beamur · 16/02/2013 11:21

He sounds like a complete tosser.
His problem - not yours.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 16/02/2013 11:22

Where would he want to go next, if this is his starting punt?

Yama · 16/02/2013 11:23

No, you are not repressed because this turns you off. It would turn me off too. His attitude much more so though.

Original poster
frankycard · 16/02/2013 11:24

I gather he sees it as normal? wanted dp etc

Just really not what I expected at all, and after an ear bashing I thought do
other people do this??!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 16/02/2013 11:25

Sorry, OP, I've been laughing here, just picturing your Shock.

If that's what he wants, that's fine, but to tell you about an ex's preferences during his first sexual encounter with you hardly makes it a romantic experience.

What happened to finding out what you liked?

Have to admit his shyness would have fooled me, too. Hope you got away with your dignity intact - now call your best friend and tell her to come round tonight for some wine as you have a good story to tell her.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/02/2013 11:26

I think you've found a gold-plated weirdo. Most people who are into unusual sexual stuff are rather more open about it from the outset because they need to be sure their partner is into the same thing. Were there no clues in conversations running up?

badinage · 16/02/2013 11:26

Back to being a porn loser for him then.......

ImperialBlether · 16/02/2013 11:27

Franky, it doesn't matter whether everyone in the world is doing it. Personally I think anyone who had anal sex on a first date would be absolutely out of their mind or desperately trying to please - it involves such a high level of trust that you can't possibly have on the first night.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/02/2013 11:27

"he aggressively said it was normal, I was repressed and needed to live a bit."

Actually... I'm revising from 'weirdo' to 'potential sex offender'. Aggression on rejection is always a massive red flag. Would it be OTT to call 101 and ask the police if they have any record of this guy?

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 16/02/2013 11:27

Other people do do it, and there is nothing wrong with anything he suggested

The problem is the nagging and aggression and the fact that it was your first time, that is a huge red flag and he sounds like such a twat you've had a lucky escape

But just as your not 'repressed' for not being into it other people are not weird for enjoying different sexual experiences, it's just not ok to force it onto others

Lovingfreedom · 16/02/2013 11:28

I think coming from a date felling you have had an ear bashing is a very bad sign full stop and if anything you have had a lucky escape.

ImperialBlether · 16/02/2013 11:28

Yes, badinage, he'll be back to watching his porn movies (his "ex" is the star of the movie) and grumbling about weird women who don't appreciate his collection of vibrators and who don't want anal sex on demand.

Original poster
frankycard · 16/02/2013 11:29

Yes thanks all!!

I think he is a big porn user.

But I didnt like to be told I was repressed and all this was normal!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread