I've found out my whole marriage is based on lies, and I'm not sure what to do.
When we met, DH said his previous marriage was monogamous and only ended after his wife repeatedly cheated, then left him for another man.
The only unmonogamous act in the 12yr marriage, was a threesome with his wife's friend, which she instigated and he hated. He put a lot of pride in being a 'family man' and being faithful.
There have been a lot of ref flags in our marriage (which I've talked about on here), but he's not had the oppprtunity to chest, except when he twice went abroad on holiday alone.
I've always had a niggle that he was attracted to men, but have been laughed at by friends & family - nothing noticeable, just gut feeling. He's certainly seemed attracted to women, even secretly filming them. He is also VERY homophobic.
The other day I found he had advertised for men to have sex with. The ads span a few years, when he was married to his ex. He sais he was a "bi bottom" and asked for bi or gay guys to come over when his wife worked nights.
I confronted him, he denied, then admitted it. He said that he'd been raped in his late teens, and his wife abused as a child, so they had a scewed view if sex. He then got angry & refused to talk more.
I then found out that he and his wife were also swingers (he blames her), that he hated it and she forced him.
I'm so uncomfortable with this. I feel as if I don't know him. He pretended that his first marriage was monogamous, where in truth they were shagging others, and he was meeting men for sex behind her back.
He won't talk about it, and gets angry if I try. He said he's not the same person, that he is digusted with himself.
I'm still unsure though. As I said I suspect he fancies men, and that he is surpressing it.
He said he vowed to only have vanilla sex when we married, and wants a "normal, respectable family". Since our honeymoon he's had trouble orgasming sometimes, but now, after 3years it has become incredibly frequent.