Today I am going to dump my boyfriend

[freddiemercuryismine]

Hold my hand please.

He's a lovely lovely man I love the bones of him. But the relationship is never going to work and I need end it. He gets back from a work trip today and will phone me to let me know he's home and I am going to dump him.

Walk is right. You're not sure anymore what to do so don't make a decision today.

Talk to him by all means, though.

you all make very valid points.

i suppose i just need to talk to him properly and see what comes out of it.

It's horses for courses though....if you don't want this kind of relationship you don't have to feel obliged to continue just cos it could work out for some couples. You're clearly not completely happy with the current set up or you prob wouldn't have posted.

true

I agree talk to him.. You say you love the bones of him, he must be a lovely bloke.. and they're hard to find!

If you envisage growing old with him, is this period in time not laying the foundations for when you can be together properly in the future?
< hopeless old romantic emoticon >

He is lovely. Utterly utterly adorable and lovely. but it's all so complicated and it's making my head hurt.

Aww you can't let him go It sounds like you really love him..

So how about if you try and keep busy with your life and friends when you are apart, try to stop overthinking - because although it isn't how you would like it now, it will be one day.
No relationship is perfect, but there's a helluva lot to be said for quality over quantity

but it's hard being in a relationship with someone who is never here. and it feels like it's not even a relationship at all. i'm sure if my friends hadn't met him they'd think he was a figment of my imagination that's what it feels like sometimes

It must be hard, i had an ex once who lived in the South of France, so i do know what it's like kind of..
When he's away do you keep in daily contact? If you needed support could you call? do you trust him? These things are just as important as physically being in each others presence surely..

I trust him totally and utterly. But when he's away, he's away. There's sporadic contact but not regular or everyday or anything. If I needed support I'd be on my own.

Ahh maybe that needs to be sorted out then..
In this day of modern technology it wouldn't be difficult to do, talk to him, tell him how you feel, and hopefully the pair of you can come up with some proper solutions.. If he's not willing to do that, it's not good, it may then be time to have a rethink about where you're going.

Oh Freddie, this is sad. A long term relationship over a long distance can be stressful - particularly if that isn't the kind of relationship you would ideally want to have.

I spent nearly 4 years in a very long distance relationship and at the end of that time we needed to make a decision - to find a way of trying to live together or decide to call it a day even though that would hurt.

For us it worked. I got a job in his country (a job I'd be thrilled with under any circumstances) and we've now had a few years of happily living together.

I think I could have managed another 1 or 2 years long distance, but after that I would have had to say "I love you but I can't do this any more." So I completely get that even when it's lovely it can't necessarily be indefinite. Maybe you are at that stage now of saying you can't continue or maybe, just maybe if you talk with your DP, you can work out a plan that would work for you both and that might tide you over a bit longer.

I don't think that's advice so much as sincere sympathy and a hope that it could just work out for you somehow.

OP, why would it matter if your friends 'think he's a figment of your imagination'? TBH I think you're being a bit of a drama llama and shooting yourself in the foot if you dump this man because you don't see each other every night.
Please bear in mind that for most people, living with a partner gets pretty boring after a year or so: however nice s/he is, there will be a certain amount of gazing vacantly at the telly ove a microwave meal, rows about putting the bins out and leaving the bog seat up, etc etc, whereas a long distance number can be all fun and no daily grind. But a relationship shouldn't be the focus of your life anyway - what hobbies and interests do you have?

i don't mean it like that Solid I just mean I'm lonely and it's hard being on my own. especially when it's not what I'd choose.

And I have loads of other stuff going on in my life but I want my partner here. I know that isn't what everyone would want but it's what I want. Ideally. If I can.

So would you be ending this in the hope of finding someone long-term and local and with more free time? Nothing wrong with that but easier said than done.

I'm 45 and staying happily single for the time being but know through years of experience how hard it is to find someone who ticks the same boxes as me.

Sort of number. Sort of. Ideally. but it's complicated.

Well good luck whatever you decide but remember the dating world is shite these days lol.

LOL

Actually what i want is for him to move here, get a pipe and slippers and sit here every night with me having great sex and watching DVDs

But that's never going to happen

And there's no possibility of you moving to be nearer him or does he travel all over?

No chance of me moving have kids in school he could move here I suppose but he'd still be away such a lot

How are things today Freddie? Do you feel any clearer in your mind.

Flatbellafella - no clearer at all and no decision made. Another sleepless night. Which isn't good for me. I either have to end this or knuckle under and carry on but surely a relationship shouldn't be about knuckling under and plodding on?

No of course not but don't forget the grass is rarely greener on the other side.

Sometimes we just have to knuckle down & plod on,if our circumstances are stacked against us, ie..children schooling income." The Grass is not always greener on the other side," so to speak.