Has anyone, ever, managed to explain to a narcissist what a narcissist is ...and to accept that they are one?

[ScarletWomanoftheVillage]

Trouble in my family is brewing again, and I am being called upon to help and advise my siblings and their partners about dealing with our npd mother.

I have had very low contact with my npd mother for many, many years now, can't remember if it is 12, or 13 years, but a good long time. I have posted on here before about this, spent much time on the Stately Homes thread, and am quite happy most of the time with the boundaries between me and my m.

But my siblings are still suffering and want my help. One has written to our mother to tell her what is wrong and how he would like to change things, and has asked for my comments on what he has written to her. I have explained as much as I can, about dis-engaging, FOG, etc. and the fact that it is pointless to explain things as she won't see it in the same way. But, he doesn't want to cut her off. He wants things to change.

I feel sad that he is going to be very upset when she responds in a hideous way to what he has written, as she invariably will. I feel sad that I can't think of a way of him changing things without getting done over by her. He is and tries to be a loving son and is bewildered by how nasty she can be. He puts so much effort in, to no avail.

I just want to know, from anyone who has good knowledge on this subject if there has ever been a narcissist who knows they are one, and whether if so, there is anything such a person can do to get help to be less of one IYSWIM?

Or does the very nature of narcissism mean that there is no way such a person could be made to recognise the disorder in themselves?

Any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks.

Meant many years minimal contact

Thanks Scarlet - thats what she does - but I wont do her bidding. It was" I hate X" (this was before I understood what was going on) - did she want me to cause trouble between x and y ? Sadly we didnt challenge the earliest remarks, or the next few years...... I just wish I'd been aware earlier - but realistically nothing would be different, I am convinced this has gone on for many, many years, all the remarks about what a wonderful person,mother (heaven forbid) and its only us that seem to be hurting, I feel so sorry for her children but there is nothing I can do about that. Then the reality hits home, evil stinky bitch - now I need to concentrate on my sanity. I've had toput up with shit like we all do in life - but nothing compares to this - malicious immature vile bollocks.

Are you my sister in law dothraki?

Ha - sadly no - as we could join forces

How can one get a diagnosis? I think my narc. Might be up for a diagnosis but have no idea how to go about it

My narc admitted bad behaviour and said it came from feelings of repressed shame and guilt... admitting shame and guilt and that your behaviour is bad is not narcissistic... there's self awareness there... there's hope for healing and change. Yes it's all about them and not about the people they have hurt but still...? Or am I deluded?

My narc (an ex love interest) called me out of the blue once to tell me that he asked his sister whether he is a narcissist and she said he isn't, he is a kind person whom everyone exploits. So there! I was confused what that was about, according to him I had called him 'narcissistic" in an argument, years before? Obviously a strong reaction of rejection to the word "narcissist", then.

He was game to call himself 'crazy' though, he claimed he'd had 20+ therapists and been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bulimia, PTSD. He thought he could be bipolar as well. However I have no way of knowing if any of that is true. I know for sure he saw a therapist on the NHS but she was only trying to help him with his alcoholism specifically and he developed a huge crush on her and started talking about her (and probably, to her) in a very inappropriate way, eventually he got kicked out of the program after he refused a switch to a male therapist.

I personally don't believe a narc can accept they are a narc, or that they would take the steps to be diagnosed even if their behaviour is textbook narc and someone explains it to them. My narc was constantly talking about his efforts to improve himself and heal his mental health problems, but it was always about short term fixes for things that caused him pain (like the alcoholism making him ill), he had no interest in addressing his emotional abuse or hurtful behaviour towards others. He didn't see that as a problem.

.

OP, no-one will ever penetrate the stupidity of narcissists. Tons of facts and knowledge and copying etc. High levels of cruelty. But thick as shit.

OP, no-one will ever penetrate the stupidity of narcissists. Tons of facts and knowledge and copying etc. High levels of cruelty. But thick as shit.

Thank you.

@Abitwobblynow

I get it. Abusive personalities (whatever their dx, formal or informal) exist in degrees. In the long run, your aim is to have to deal with them as little as possible (ideally not at all) but the urgency of achieving this scenario differs.

Some are so malignant that they have to be cut off/out completely before they kill you. Gangrene. Aggressive tumours.

Some are bothersome but manageable, and what is actually best for you is to get yourself into an optimal state for the 'big operation'. Losing weight before your hip replacement.

If you know how to manage them (which actually consists mainly of learning how to manage yourself), you can live with them for a while. You just keep your eyes on the ultimate goal and don't give in to despair or false hope that the problem will solve itself.