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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What to think to this email?

58 replies

sparklyjumper · 03/02/2013 00:59

Checked at 12 there was a message at 10.30pm saying he's sorry for everything he's done and all the misery he's put me through I deserve someone better and this is the last time me or anyone will hear off him. I've tried to ring but no answer I'm sure he's fast asleep or probably even laughing at me but what if he's not? Do I just leave it until morning?

OP posts:

Original poster

sparklyjumper · 03/02/2013 10:46

Oh he's absolutely fine. Said he couldn't do it.

OP posts:

SueFawley · 03/02/2013 11:21

Yes, of course he's absolutely fine.
This was just more silly drama and manipulation on his part.

As someone who lost a very close family member to suicide, I find this new game of his extremely distasteful and this should be your absolute final straw.
How much more does it take before you realise what a complete arsehole this guy is?

So when are you going to stop focusing on him and letting hm control you - which is what he always does - and focus on yourself?
How many times are you going to come and post here and listen to people telling you over and over to dump this twunt completely - ie block his email, change your mobile number, do whatever it takes to get shut of him?

What do your friends have to say to you about him?

scottishmummy · 03/02/2013 11:24

I need to clarify an unrelated point here, suicidal people do give warnings
it's a bit urban myth that if you're serious you don't tell.it's unhelpful,not true
I see this trotted out,and it's a stupid thing to say.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 03/02/2013 11:28

In this case, he is playing games.

It's what he does, from memory.

Ignore, ignore, ignore!!!

Lueji · 03/02/2013 11:29

Just out of curiosity, did he contact you, did you contact him, or have you heard it from the police?

Worley · 03/02/2013 11:30

my exdp used to do this.. send me messages apologising, saying it was the end and how he was going to do it.. etc etc... and when he did eventually take an overdose he didn't send me a warning text or call... but a friend found him and called the ambulance. he's since been diagnosed as bi polar but that doesn't give excuses for the past 17 years :( (we've been split for 3.5 yrs)

SueFawley · 03/02/2013 11:30

scottishmummy if your post is aimed at me, I know full well that suicidal people do give warnings. We had several warnings and tried to help as much as we could, and get outside support, which back then in the mid 1980's was nonexistent, before our family member eventually did commit suicide.
That's what make it particulary despicable when people who are not suicidal use this as a manipulation tactic.

In this case however, those of us who've followed the saga between sparkly and this twunt, we've seen what he's capable of and this is just more emotional abuse on his part.

scottishmummy · 03/02/2013 11:31

sue,pipe down if I were addressing you I would have said so

SueFawley · 03/02/2013 11:31

shipwrecked, yes, exactly.

SueFawley · 03/02/2013 11:36

scottish I'm not sure why I need to pipe down.
I was making it clear that I am aware that people who actually intend to kill themselves can often make several attempts before they actually do it.
I was joining the discussion and I was agreeing with you.

Original poster

sparklyjumper · 03/02/2013 12:04

I rang the police station this morning, apparently he'd denied saying anything. But he sent an email this morning saying he couldn't do it. I've replied and said a few things and he said he was low and had gone somewhere with a rope to hang himself and was trying to work out which branch.

I do realise what he is, he hasn't got my personal mobile number but I admit I haven't blocked emails or done anything with my work phone but he hasn't been harrassing me or contacting me lots and lots. And I've felt it would just die a death, there were a few emails that I did respond to where we just went over everything again, he blamed everything on me, tells me I need to change, he's happier without me anyway and in the end I said can we just agree to not speak anymore as we're getting nowhere. Then he doesn't respond for a while then just tells me he's fed up, unhappy, knows I deserve better, says random things like it's been 4 weeks now with a sad face. Total contradiction of everything he said prior to that.

This suicide stuff is completely random he's never said anything like that before and I'm left wondering if he is actually depressed or just enjoying tormenting me, I do think people threaten suicide as a cry for help but he doesn't want my help anyway or seemingly anyones. I don't know whether to speak to his mum but if he is feeling suicidal that could humiliate him and tip him over the edge.

I know I'm not responsible for him and my answer is to cut him off altogether, and yes I could block emails which I haven't bothered doing and I'm not even sure myself why, I have cut him off an lots of ways and I am feeling a million times better in myself that a lot of what he says just goes straight over my head now.

OP posts:

kalidanger · 03/02/2013 12:10

Fgs! They'll be an option in your email to 'filter messages from this sender'. You say OK to that. Then you call your mobile phone provider and ask them to block his number. Contrary to what lots of people breezily say (Just block his number!) it's not that easy from your actual phone. You need to speak to Orange, Vodafone or whoever.

Harsh; stop being pathetic, honey. Please. You'll feel so much better whisking all the bulkshit out if his hands and into YOURS. Be proactive, not reactive.

[i was on previous threads but prob NC since then]

kalidanger · 03/02/2013 12:11

Filter messages > OK > delete all > OK. It's piss-easy in gmail, for example.

Lueji · 03/02/2013 12:21

D o n o t r e p l y t o h i s m e s s a g e s.

Do not engage in conversation.
Do not acknowledge anything.

The police told you he was ok. Fine. Leave it at that.

He will get tired.

For your sake do not reply to anything he sends you from now on. Make it a mission.

kalidanger · 03/02/2013 12:24

D o n o t r e p l y t o h i s m e s s a g e s

Yes yes yes. 'Back and forth'? Stop it!

NatashaBee · 03/02/2013 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 03/02/2013 12:39

stop responding it keeps it going.you can send his email straight to junk
if you maintain dialogue with him this keeps going
you can't control how he responds but can control how you respond

lifeistooshorttodrinkcheapwine · 03/02/2013 12:46

I had this happen to me - Its emotional blackmail - threatening suicide - not answering his phone - me worried sick - went round to his flat (i had a key as it had been our shared flat) - he's not there - then his best friend just happened to ring when i'm there and starts telling me i need to go back to him. How did she know I'd be there?? I'd been set up. 2 -3 weeks later i found out he'd been putting lonely hearts adverts in the Guardian and had met quite a few women and there he's been seeing other women and playing this game with me and getting me into such a state
It can only happen if you let it happen:)

kalidanger · 03/02/2013 13:12

Sparkly I can imagine it seems a bit ridiculous and unbelievable that you should have to block/delete him... I mean, he was lovely! He was your boyfriend!! God, he was so great

But he's not anymore His true nature is bad and wrong He's not your friend anymore; he's someone you read about in the papers, and crappy novels and see in shit films. And read about everyday on Mumsnet. He's One Of Those. He's not just some bloke, he's not nice and normal AT ALL.

Accept that. You have to. And now go forwards with that knowledge and deal with him accordingly. By not dealing with him

Walkacrossthesand · 03/02/2013 13:33

sparkly, if he's feeling low/suicidal it's not his exGF he should be talking to - it's GP, Samaritans, friends. Are you blurring roles here & feeling you 'ought' to be supportive as a friend? Because you can't morph seamlessly from one role to another, you know - you need to separate fully after which you may find you have no interest in being his friend which means not being available for his dramas.

Original poster

sparklyjumper · 03/02/2013 21:12

I really don't know, I don't have the answers as to why I haven't completely blocked him, I know I was advised to I have listened to everything everyone's said and taken it on board. There probably is a bit of what kalidanger said in that it seemed a bit drastic, probably felt that there was no need to block his email etc as I had no intentions of going back with him.

People did also say suicide threats would come and to be honest I didn't think so as he's always been the one with all the power, he ended it, I was the broken wreck. I won't go into it all as I know I'm probably getting boring but there has been further suicide threats and has got to the point now of 'talk to me or I will do something'. So I have now blocked him on hotmail, my house phone is unplugged too.

Feel like the worlds biggest cow though for some reason.

OP posts:

Original poster

sparklyjumper · 03/02/2013 21:15

Funny because despite being told I'm a bully and a bitch I don't seem to be able to just be blunt with people and say look just piss off cos I actually would hate to think anyone felt bad because of me.

OP posts:

LifeofPo · 03/02/2013 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lueji · 03/02/2013 21:23

All his actions are about power.
Dumping you.
Making you feel bad for not keeping in touch.

He's trying to punish you for breaking lose.

Ideally he wants you to still be under his power and go to him when he snaps his fingers.

I can only imagine his rage when you haven't.
It's not despair.

Oh, and the antics sound prety much like my ex.

Don't feel bad about it. You owe him nothing.

kalidanger · 03/02/2013 21:24

I dunno what to tell you.

If I had got myself into this ridiculous situation I would

Call the police again
Spend Monday removing him from my life

Don't say "La la la I'm getting boring teehee" cuz it's not funny.

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