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Original poster

what would you do to your husband if he said this ........

76 replies

batmanstinks · 02/02/2013 20:43

We were having a conversation last night (after a bottle of wine) about our friends.

We have recently moved and have a new circle of friends so we were assessing them.

One couple is lovely and, out of nowhere, DH said 'X is lovely, I think she might be my ideal woman. If things were different I probably would have married her' Shock

I pointed out that this was maybe an inappropriate thing to say and he said 'it's alright, I don't fancy her as much as you'

Shock.

I would have been justified in cutting his balls off in the night wouldn't I!

OP posts:
MrsMushroom · 02/02/2013 21:58

And I don't think it's nice to talk of cutting balls off. If a man said "I' cut her tits off" people would be disgusted.

MrsMushroom · 02/02/2013 21:59

I'd...not I

catinboots · 02/02/2013 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catinboots · 02/02/2013 22:00

ER... Wrong thread. Ipad muddle.

Sorry

BlushBlushBlush

marriedinwhite · 02/02/2013 22:06

Mine would say something similar. He knows it's stupid; I know it's stupid. The funny thing is now I'm old and knackered he says it less and less. He once came home to tell me he'd sat opposite the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen and she'd taken a call and he knew her name too. The dc were about 5 and 2 at the time. I still talk about he night he came home and told me about that and made me cry. But we laugh about it now. Silly sod but he knows what side his bread is buttered Grin

DopamineHit · 02/02/2013 22:10

If he was genuinely perplexed it just sounds like incompetence. However...

"He's normally very awkward around women", "He is useless with women" also (implied) "I don't share his interests". He is also capable of saying crass things. May I ask why you married him?

Mimishimi · 02/02/2013 22:13

Ideally, I would have said "Really? If I had my time again, I think I would have gone for someone more like xyz ( pick person who your DHis most likely to feel insecure about - nerdy guy if he feels insecure about his intelligence, guy with great abs if he's insecure about his physique etc)

In reality, I would have been so gobsmacked by his insensitivity I probably would have made some excuse soon after to go to the loo and have a little cry Blush

Smellslikecatspee · 02/02/2013 22:15

When I read your OP I thought really, be upset by that? He was just musing. Sounds like something OH would say, though he get an WHAT? From me rather a ' maybe an inappropriate thing to say'

Something OH would say and then be all WTF when I did my WHAT? and then go but you know I love you.

But reading some of the comments made by others. . ..

In my case I know that OHloves me and that on occasion he says things that to an outsider would seem crass, but once I point it out he's shocked and horrified, and never makes the same mistake again.

Some of the comments above seem designed to hurt.
OH would be disgusted with himself if a random comment hurt me.

To me it isn't the comment per say, it would be the intent behind it.

I'm not sure I'm explaining this properly, sorry

Original poster
batmanstinks · 02/02/2013 23:13

I admit that 'assessing our friends' sounds bad.

It wasn't really like that (honest). We were talking about friends who we would naturally be friends with anyway, and friends who we like but probably wouldn't hang out with if we didn't have children of the same age.

This person clearly fell into the first camp!

OP posts:
Startail · 02/02/2013 23:30

I guess DH and I have always had conversations like that, so I wouldn't have thought much at all.

greencolorpack · 02/02/2013 23:32

It's a bit insensitive but not a hanging offence. dh and I are quite honest about fancying people... We both know not to do anything about it. Who doesn't get a crush now and then??.

Original poster
batmanstinks · 03/02/2013 10:36

I suppose so. I shall think no more about it.

But he's definitely sitting next to someone else next time.

OP posts:
NotGeoffVader · 03/02/2013 10:41

You're not married to are you?

Original poster
batmanstinks · 03/02/2013 10:54

I do love that song.

I asked DH at the time where I fell within the bell curve. Wink

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 03/02/2013 13:28

Hahaha. Tim Minchin is fair funny.

Startail · 03/02/2013 17:19

Grin That song sums it up perfectly.

I met DH at 20, he was My second real BF and the only person I have ever slept with.

Of course I might have gone on to meet someone else it might have worked with. But, 25 years later, this is still more than good enough.

Original poster
batmanstinks · 03/02/2013 18:54

Stairtail, me too.

Maybe I need to start compiling a list of my own!

OP posts:
Hellesbelles2 · 03/02/2013 19:09

My DH used to say when we first got together that on paper he should have been with my sister as they had so much in common. much more than me and him who are total opposites however it's me he fancies.

Admittedly he never said he fancied her just that if you were to match make a couple you'd put them together. It's never ever bothered me as I knew it was me he loved and fancied and a sign of being secure in our relationship. Maybe that's similar to your DH's comments?

Saski · 04/02/2013 10:48

I'd be devastated!

My husband was really not over someone when we first started dating, and this gave rise to a fair few clumsy statements. It's not nice to hear.

Ragwort · 04/02/2013 10:55

I'd laugh it off, I am amazed at the sensitivity of some mumsnetters. I'd be more worried about a husband who never said 'X is attractive/a great cook/would be a lovely wife' etc etc.

Do you never secretly think that someone else might have made a 'better' DH for you Grin ?

DH & I often 'joke' that I would have been better off marrying someone who was good at DIY.

But I have been married a long time and perhaps am not so 'intense' about my marriage as I used to be Grin.

lottiegarbanzo · 04/02/2013 14:43

I just love the idea that he could have decided he wished to marry her and thus, it would have come to pass. From what you say, I bet that hasn't been his real experience of persuading people to be his girlfriend!

So, I'd see it as a silly fantasy speculation, not that far off from you and Johnny Depp really - after all, you'd only have had to meet him and say 'hey Johnny. Know what? You and me, ok?'.

Of course if you really think he's lusting after her, or, more importantly, feels any differently about you than he did, that's different.

MechanicalTheatre · 04/02/2013 14:47

Holy shit.

Me and my partner met at work. We weren't properly together, but had had a few snogs. One a work night out, everyone started drunkenly discussing their top three people they fancied at work (mature).

Partner:

  1. Joan
  2. Mechanical
3...

I was RAGING.

AThingInYourLife · 04/02/2013 15:01

"I'd be more worried about a husband who never said 'X is attractive/a great cook/would be a lovely wife' etc etc."

Why? Confused

What's so worrying about that?

I never go on to my husband about other men I wish I'd married.

Because I don't wish I'd married someone else. I'm still glad every day that I married him.

He's my ideal man.

Does that mean our marriage is doomed?

MechanicalTheatre · 04/02/2013 15:10

Yes, athing, you're fucked.

LTB. How dare he never tell you who he'd rather married?

beachyhead · 04/02/2013 15:18

We used to make great plans about who dh should marry if I fell off the face of the earth...We chose a great friends little sister, but then she came out as gay (so that was the end of that plan!)

Wouldn't bother me at all, he lives here after all...