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Original poster

Am I expecting too much?

18 replies

Mosschops30 · 27/01/2013 21:42

Me an Dh are considering separating.
He says our relationship is unbearable because I've done another degree course and that I was awful when I did the last one Hmm

He says he would like things to get back to 'normal' and we stay together so no disruption for the dcs. He says I'm unrealistic in what I expect from a marriage.

I can't carry on in this marriage with someone:
Who never says I love you
Never says sorry
Only kisses or cuddles if sex is on the agenda
Doesn't make me feel loved
Doesn't respect me or my career
Doesn't share cooking, shopping or cleaning
Sulks

On the plus side he has never hit me, or fucked another woman! He works hard and does do his fair share with the dcs

So what do I do? He is making no offer to change anything.
I need some advice and supportHmm

OP posts:
Hassled · 27/01/2013 21:46

If his only redeeming features are that he hasn't hit you or fucked another woman and that he pulls his weight with his own children then you should walk away.

You haven't actually said if you love him, or even like him. When you think about your future, is he with you when you're 50/60/70?

Were you unbearable during the last degree course?

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 27/01/2013 21:46

Probably! But maybe I wouldn't be if I had some help and support.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 27/01/2013 21:52

What do you want to do?

Carry on going round in circles for the rest of your life, or start making somthing of it?

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 27/01/2013 22:00

I know izzy I just want the dcs (3,8,16) to be ok Hmm

OP posts:
tiredofwaitingforitalltochange · 27/01/2013 22:05

Your dh should be proud of you doing a degree, not leave you to do everything in the house.

My (recent) ex had plenty of faults but he did support me doing mine.

Your husband sounds horrendous. I'm so sorry.

How would you cope as a single mother studying?

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 27/01/2013 22:08

My course has finished now and I am working full time until April when I hope to go 4 days.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mosschops30 · 27/01/2013 22:36

He's just txt me from the bedroom to say that he's moving out tomorrow and we need to discuss how to explain to the dcs Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Mosschops30 · 27/01/2013 22:47

Please someone come and talk to me. Am crying in the bath Hmm

OP posts:
Hassled · 27/01/2013 22:52

I'm so sorry.

But get out of the bath and go and talk to him. If this is going to happen, best to make it as amicable as you can, make it as straightforward and painless as you can. If it isn't actually what either of you want to happen, then you won't get past it unless you talk.

Hatpin · 27/01/2013 22:54

I used to be married to someone like that.

Best thing we ever did was split up

It will feel like crap for a while but don't play into his guilt tripping. He's making this all your fault for wanting what he takes for granted.

A career, outside interests, a life.

You have JUST as much right.

DoubleYew · 27/01/2013 22:55

You say does his fair share with the children but cooking, cleaning is part of that - they eat food and make a mess right?

Sorry you are having a hard time but it will get better. He sounds exactly like my ex. We split in the summer finally, after trying to make it work and it is much nicer now. I feel like I'm remembering who I am again.

There are hard parts but it won't be as hard as what you are putting up with now.

mousebacon · 27/01/2013 22:56

So sorry mosschops. Does he just not 'get' why you want those things?

FWIW my dh is much the same and talking about it gets us nowhere. I feel your pain.

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 27/01/2013 23:06

Thank you for posting about lovely positive outcomes.
I want us both to be happy, but we are not happy together.

I wish I could be a year in the future and all the hard stuff be over

OP posts:
DoubleYew · 27/01/2013 23:08

If you are worried about being on your own take heart from this thread.

Ballyk · 27/01/2013 23:13

Hi mosschops I can't give much advice as I am going through something similar and know how hard it is I really feel for you, I have applied to do a degree this year not told dh as when I mentioned it before he said I was being selfish, we are not happy together and it's heartbreaking especially with Dcs involved
Sorry not much help just wanted to let you know I can sympathise with what your going through

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 27/01/2013 23:31

Thank you ballyk I'm so sorry you're struggling through the same. Have you decided to split?

Many thanks for link to that thread! I'm off for more confidence boosting

OP posts:
Ballyk · 27/01/2013 23:37

No we havn't decided to split (even though we should) he wont leave the dcs and I'm not brave enough to make the decision

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 27/01/2013 23:56

It's so hard isn't it?

Reading that thread that *doubleyew' linked to has made me Smile

OP posts:
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