Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
The good things about being single ( and living alone)(104 Posts)
Just newly happened to me
Please any help , make me feel better about whats just happened.
Keep feeling bit wobbly and don't want to weaken
I lived on my own for 11 years sometimes single and sometimes not, I absolutely loved it and if dp and I could afford it we would probably live separately now!! No one to answer to, absolute freedom to spend your day or evening however you want, brilliant winter Sundays with all the papers and trashy box sets and a bottle of red...... Don't miss it at all!!!!
You will be absolutely fine and soon start to wonder how you ever lived with anyone before
Running to your own schedule and not having to tell someone you're going out etc
Devoting time to your hobbies and now is a good time to take up a new one
Gives you a chance to focus on you - I have a facial followed by a play and dinner with friends tomorrow night
One less birthday/anniversary to remember
Not having to share a bathroom with someone and more room to yourself in bed . Not having to smile and nod while they annihilate your kitchen with their latest 'good idea' aka my ex boyfriends 20 ingredient smoothie
Keep your chin up OP, you will be fine, early days yet, perfectly ok to have wobbles
Being able to keep to your own standards of cleanliness - if you're a clean person, you can keep it neat, if you're messy there's no-one to moan at you!
There are so many wonderful things about living alone I hardly know where to start...
I look back on my years of solo living with great affection.
One of the main things is not having to consider anyone else - ah I remember those days...
Get up when you like, eat what and when you like, get dressed when (if) you like, don't shower if you don't feel like it. I watched the boxed set of West Wing and Cold Feet back to back. XH hadn't wanted to watch them when they were on and I'd missed them completely. Took me weeks to get through them but I would sometimes watch them for 8 hours a day!
I saw girlfriends and had them to stay with me for girly weekends, I travelled on my own for the first time to East Africa and the States. I loved travelling alone, I met all kinds of people whilst travelling I would never have got talking to, I still like travelling alone and continue to do it at least once a year even though I have remarried.
Ah yes I recall the single living alone days with great fondness...
As soon as I have sorted it, I will be single too. With 2 ds though. New year, new start. All the best to you xxxx
I've lived alone and I loved it. I could eat what I wanted, watch what I wanted, do what I wanted, not worry about being annoying to anyone else, not worrying about anyone else being sad / ill / stressed etc. I lived on my own for two years in Japan and I loved every minute. I loved travelling along also, mouching around the shops alone and treating myself to a coffee and cake, coming home to a good book / film / bowl of my favourite food.
Custody of the remote control. Knowing where your car is and how much fuel is in it. Not being kept awake by snoring, or being afraid your own snoring is keeping someone else awake. One set of dishes to wash (or not wash until you feel like it). Nattering on the phone for hours with nobody timing it or wanting a turn. Really, what's not to like?
Not having to compromise with anyone about anything on your own terms , stya in pys all day eat and watch telly in bed , arrange book holidays with a couple of girlfriends , having a great mixture of both sex friends , not having to impress anyone and be all glam up if you dont want to, really the list just goes on, ..........seriously why would you not want to do this ?, the benefits out ways the negatives as far as i am concerned , never feel lonely , always got a friend on the end of the phone or email, life is good , just relax it does take time to adjust but you will and hopefully never look back !
Being able to decorate the house exactly as you want
Being able to watch trashy tv whenever you want and cry at all the soppy bits
Eatinng what you want when you want
Knowing where everything is and that it will be where you left it
Doing whatever you want without having to double check with anyone else
Being able to accept last minute invitations without thinking about anyone else's plans
Knowing that when you get home the house will be in the same state as when you left it
(Can you tell I like living alone!)
Being able to accept last minute invitations without thinking about anyone else's plans
One of my favourites!
Also, having no one whinging if you come home later that originally intended. You can roll in at any time in any state!
It really is BRILLIANT being single. I realise this is not the perceived wisdom on this subject and men like to paint single women as some sort of desperate bitter saddos, but if only every woman in an unhappy marriage knew what it was actually like being single, the divorce rate would double I am sure!
I don't have to martyr myself
I can be who I want to be without comment, criticism or judgement. I am finding that I have become a much more rounded and confident person.
I can really pursue my interests
I can achieve things that I have always wanted to do but "put off"
I can date as many men as I like and have sex whenever I like, on my terms.
No man ever shits in my toilet
I have much closer female friendships that genuinely satisfy me more than my marriage ever did - I think I used to 'maintain a distance' because of putting DH's needs first.
My relationship with my children is more fulfilling and genuine. Can't quite describe why or how but it is that we are a team, we look out for each other, I am a positive female role model, we don't have competitive love.
People get a bit bemused as to what to do when there are 'couple' events. But once addressed - i.e. I will come if I want to and would not actively avoid a social situation because it is all couples, then it passes rather quickly.
I spent 15+ years with a controlling abusive man, and I genuinely cannot believe I thought being single would be horrendous. It offers everything I have ever dreamed of wanting out of my life. I actively chose to remain single and my standards for any man are probably currently too high for any man ever to meet, and I am more than happy with that.
*No man ever shits in my toilet *
Ive been single for 3 years and i love it for all the reasons listed above. I especially love being single when i have to listen to friends moan about their partners.
great thread and great post mcmooncup
totally agree with all of these - just doing what you want when you want, no comprimising, sense of pride and excitement being in charge of your own destiny. You will definitely get there OP
"No man ever shits in my toilet"
Yes, that too
One of my male friends is single and doesn't want to be. We met up one day for coffee and he was complaining that this woman he dated seemed too unwilling to compromise (very independent, lived alone etc). I told him that she was only doing what some men have been doing for years, except they are revered in the press as young single bachelors whereas us ladies are crying in the dark into our tin of soup, surrounded by cats
I have never lived with a partner, which is something I'm sort of proud of. Before having DS I lived alone for 13 years and thoroughly enjoyed it. Now I have to have a little more structure to my life for DS' sake as children need regular meals and reasonably regular bedtimes, and I have to arrange for him to be looked after if I want to go and do something so I can't be that spontaneous.
But still, I don't have to pander to a man's ego or stress about making sure that the domestic work is equally shared.
It's really weird though - even writing down that that is how I live my life down now is so alien to how we are told women should behave that there is part of me that thinks people may read that and think "oooo she is probably really brash and selfish and horrible to be around"...........but actually that is the opposite of how I am now. It is possible to be kind and thoughtful WITHOUT compromising your own goals in life.
That is what the best thing about it is. I think maybe some women are able to do this in their relationships but I see so many of my female married friends compromising themselves and it makes me sad, like we have been brainwashed to accepting our place.
And "no man shitting in my toilet". I am deadly serious about that.
I make this very clear to any men I date. Do. Not. Shit. In. My. Toilet.
Mcmooncup you have described all the things I love about being single to a tee.
I have not lived with anyone for 13 years now and that is totally by choice. My friends just don't understand it.
I have 2 children who are both now grown up so there was never any pressure to find 'the one and have a family' as I did it all rather young.
I am seriously considering getting cats and developing an eccentric personality just to scare the neighbours kids :D
I do what I want when I want. I travel on charity work twice a year to foreign and very interesting places. No one moans at me if I forgot to shave my legs etc etc etc.
I honestly don't even want another relationship now as I really cant see what anyone could offer me that would make my life happier. From friends in relationships all I hear is grief and moaning about how crap it can be.
I couldn't imagine having to alter my life to fit a man into, with all the compromises that entails.
I LOVE being single. Love it. Love it. Love it.
This is my home and like you no man will ever shit in my toilet.
I can't add anything to the above.
Being single is ACE. Don't be afraid of embracing it.
OP, I envy you. You're about to find yourself again.
How many times do we agree to watch that programme or listen to this cd or go to a certain event or activity because he really wants to and while it may not be your favourite or what you'd choose, you're not really that bothered either way...and after all, he really really wants his choice?
And if there's something you fancy but it turns out not to be his cup of tea or it's not that good you soon learn to defer to him, it's less hassle.
Soon you forget who you are, what you like, the essense of you
Living alone = No more man-pleasing. Hooray!
I have only this to add. No one pours fucking gravy down my loo.
Ah yes, in my last relationship I sat through An Idiot Abroad politely
gritting my teeth nodding and smiling, but someone just had to make their views known if I wanted to watch the news: BBC wasn't acceptable to him because he thought toffs watched it
BBC News all the rage in my house now
Being able to discipline your own DC in the way you wish to (without using aggression or making himself bigger than the DC to bully them into how to behave).
To throw out the dinner routine and decide when everyone is hungry what everyone wants and who is prepared to cook what (I LOVE that one).
Doing snow angels in bed each morning and having the whole of the bed to myself. To wake up slowly and without fear.
To decide that the walk you had planned, is going turn into a pj fest on the sofa with rubbish DVD's.
The Pride I feel having put up my own curtains (drilling into concrete oh yes). Having my own tool kit. Redecorating with PINK.
I love being single. I was married for over 20 years and stunned when it ended. It dawned on me gradually, day by day, how much nicer it is to be single. I am so lucky, I have the DC and so are never lonely and look forward to the future now.
Oh I forgot - one of the DC wants to make a cake, it is 8.30pm but who cares? the cake is being made and we shall sleep in tomorrow morning as we will all being going to bed late. No one cares....
I love being single, cannot see myself having to live with anybody again! I have become happy in my own skin, more self assured and confident. I make every decision. I get to ignore the mess and eat choc whilst being on MN with no hassle.
Join the discussion
Please login first.