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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feel free to tell me Im a pr1ck

46 replies

welshboris · 23/04/2006 13:07

Dont usually post such frivlous emotional stuff, but Im hungover and emotional so here goes
Split up with DDs dad when I was pregnant, I suspected he cheated and was hormonal so walked out. Started renting somewhere on my own. He was there at birth, and sees her once a week (his parenting skills are a whole different thread)

We were back and forth, but I always kept my house, my independance.In Jan, DD was in hospital with chest problems and he never visited so I decided enough was enough and havent had any contact since then. He sees her up his mums

Anyways, I decided never to get involved with anyone again. He was my soul mate, we did everything together, were best friends. If he can cheat, anyone can.

I dont go without, I have a "friend", but have had to end it, as he was pushing me for more.

There are so many obstacles, I dont want DD to meet anyone, I dont want to share my home with anyone, my independance means everything to me

But, now Ive met someone. And hes nice.
But.... he 45. Im 24.
Im probably going to stick with my "I dont need no man" routine, but hes slowly breaking down my barriers

Now, tell me Im a prick, leave him where he is etc

OP posts:
Twiglett · 23/04/2006 13:09

what d'ya want to be .. a lonely old woman holding on to a daughter who needs to get away .... someone who gives their child the impression that relationships don't work / aren't worth it

get a grip welshboris .. if it feels right and you're both happy .. go for it

(you have just been told off btw .. in case you didn't notice Smile)

pucca · 23/04/2006 13:10

I agree with Twiglett, and you deserve some happiness, but with getting that there are risks to be taken and if you don't take the risks you get no where so i say go for it.

Smile
sixtwosix · 23/04/2006 13:11

eh?
how can you be a prick?
and why dont you want a man in your life?
cheating is not necessarily the end of a reltaionship. and most men are crap at parenting anyways.
and the age barrier is only a barrier if you want to make it one.

Original poster
welshboris · 23/04/2006 13:11

I needed a telling off [grin[

I didnt think about the impresssion DD would have about realtionships, thats given me something to think about
Thanks

OP posts:
Katemum · 23/04/2006 13:11

Is he single? have some fun woman!

Original poster
welshboris · 23/04/2006 13:12

No, the age doesnt bother me. He looks younger anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
welshboris · 23/04/2006 13:12

Yeah hes single

OP posts:
Katemum · 23/04/2006 13:12

Then go for it.

Unity · 23/04/2006 13:14

Give him a chance, or someone a chance. You can still be independent and in love with someone. Why at 24 yrs old would you decide not to get involved with anyone again. Just becasue someone cheated on you once it does not mean you can never trust a man again and deprive your DD of a father figure and yourself of some love and some support and company.

Original poster
welshboris · 23/04/2006 13:15

DD has a father, Ok hes only part time, but I wouldnt expect someone to be a dad to her.

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 23/04/2006 13:15

give the poor guy a chance FFS! your still young, too young to be talking like an angry old spinster. of course you'll never find a guy who makes you happy if you dismiss them before you even really get to know them. what does that tell your dd? that she should never try either? there are good men out there, and this an could be one of them, theres only one way to find outWink

Greensleeves · 23/04/2006 13:15

You're a prick.

Twiglett · 23/04/2006 13:16

as an aside my dad is 19 years older than my mum .. they married within 3 months of meeting each other .. they have now been together 49 years (of course she's mad as a loon and he's very very quiet .. but ya can't have everything now Grin)

Original poster
welshboris · 23/04/2006 13:17

wouldnt expect any less from you GS

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 23/04/2006 13:18

I sort of know how you feel.

I split up with my DD's dad 2 years ago and felt very much like you, i love my independence being able to do whatever, whenever and don't want to share my home or my dd with anyone.

But in the last few months i've started sort of seeing someone, and like you, he's bringing me round! I'm not much older than you (28) it's probably too young to shut ourselves off from me completely!! Grin

Definately go for it!!

harpsichordcarrier · 23/04/2006 13:19

don't be an arse
wtf does age have to do with anything?
you might not need a man, but it might be nice to have some love, eh?
being with someone, letting them break down your barriers, is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength to go into something when you have been hurt before
go for it. why the f not?

FrannyandZooey · 23/04/2006 13:22

I think it is fine to retreat and lick your wounds for as long as you need to, to get over being utterly shafted.

Not ok to have this as a long term life plan.

Only you know whether you are ready yet.

anorak · 23/04/2006 13:26

Any relationship we move into requires taking a risk. But if we don't take the risk we end up very lonely. You've only got one life. As long as you remain careful, it's worth the risk.

Unity · 23/04/2006 13:26

I know you wouldn't expect anyone to be a father to your DD but what I meant was it might be nice for her, and you, to have a good man around, and it would be nice for her to see her mum happy and in love. That's what i meant. Hope you find the happiness you deserve.

snafu · 23/04/2006 13:28

Bloody hell, wb, only when you get to my ripe old age are you allowed to decide never to get involved with anyone ever again. Not at twenty-flippin-four, fgs!

Of course you don't need a bloke, and you don't have to share your home, or lose your independence either. But you might have some fun so why not make an old man happy and give him a go? Grin

Original poster
welshboris · 23/04/2006 13:28

Maybe.
I know you married ones think think Im a prick, but Im afraid of DD getting close to someone, then he leaves. I can take it, but why should she?

Ill shut up now, Im in work getting upset

OP posts:
LadySherlockofLGJ · 23/04/2006 13:33

I don 't think you are a prick, I think you can be a "BolshyBoris" sometimes, but I admire you and your drive and determination.

There is a french saying (courtesy of GGGG) it is better to walk alone than badly accompanied.

You chose to walk alone and it felt right, but now this feels right, go with it.

Lots of love

LGJ

Greensleeves · 23/04/2006 13:34

I don't think you're a prick WB, I was being stupidly flippant. Sorry.

Have CATed you - hope you don't mind :)

Original poster
welshboris · 23/04/2006 13:36

I know you didnt mean it GS, very rarely do I post serious stuff on here. Opening my heart to you lot!

OP posts:
nutcracker · 23/04/2006 13:38

I don't think you are a prick either.

I think all of your concerns are very understandable but at some point i think you have to take a chance.

The age gap is big yes, but they can work.

Take it slow and see how it goes.

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