Husband wants an abortion I don't please help

[Lemonbuzz]

I never thought I would be posting on here.
I am 24. My dh is 34. We have 5 dc dd1 is nearly 8 dtwinson and dtwindaughyer are 5 dd3 is nearly 3 and dd4 is 19 months. I also had a mmc at 12 weeks in 2009

I have/had the merina coil. Found out last friday I am pregnant roughly 5 weeks.

Dh is adament he doesn't want another dc. We talked about having a another dc in the future but not at the moment.

We run our own taxi service which I answer the phones do the admin and he drives he works long and unsocial hours and doesn't get enough sleep as it is to be fair.


He wants me to have an abortion I've been to the doctors and made an appointment for bpas for Tuesday.

I really really really don't want to have an abortion.

He says he wont cope with another dc. He finds it hard to cope with the ones we have at the moment.

He says the final decision is mine. It doesn't feel like mine. I know he would be upset angry annoyed if I keep the baby.

But how can I have another baby knowing I forced him to be a dad again.

He says its unfair of me to force him to be a dad again when he doesn't want it.

How can I bring a baby up knowing dh didn't wanted it. I have no one else to talk to

Sorry its long I just don't know which way to turn.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Yes, I think that's an idea DontEven. If you could both know this would definitely be the last of the family I think that might help - especially if he'd agree to a vas ?

[differentnameforthis]

Children really dont do better/ feel better with lots of attention, they feel suffocated. And parents who struggle to let go and are over involved and hyper-critical: always parents of 1/2. Parents of more than that have the edges knocked off them so to speak. Their children have more freedom to be individuals.

Firstly, where is your proof of this? Sounds like a load of made up bull to me.

Secondly, don't admonish families with only 1 or 2 children to make a point about how larger families can work wrt attention.

Why do that!?

[BabyBorn]

6 children at 24 and your trying to sugarcoat the situation by giving advice that "its your body, your choice" blah blah blah. This is real life for god sake!!

I don't have difficulties with my two time wise, I said its very hard to divide the time between them. Of course it is, and whoever says it isn't is a liar.

Your husband has the right to feel the way he does and you need to grow up. Sleeping on the sofa and sulking because you didn't get the reaction you wanted isn't going to help either. He has the right to feel the way he does and I'm not Suprised he feels this way.

Your poor children.

[Booyhoo]

babyborn you really are being very cruel to the OP.

yes this absoloutely real life. the OP knows it, she is living it. whatever issues you clearly have do not put them on the OP's shoulders. it is not your decision. you have no say in this. why are you so angry with OP?

[GandalfsHat]

Babyborn that is nasty!

[rhondajean]

At 24 you are at your fittest to run after 6 small children surely?

I know lots of excellent younger mums. And more than a few shit older ones. Let's not stereotype.

Big families are not fashionable at the moment and that is all. Having said that, the thought of 6 teenagers at a go... Although I know a poster on here who has just that and seems really happy!

[AThingInYourLife]

"I don't like the sound of this man who keeps fathering children on a teenager when he's in his late twenties, and who thinks he has the final say on your reproductive rights."

This

[achillea]

My mother had five children, she could have handled a few more as well. Nobody was left out. We have a loving big family.

OP you are going through one hell of a journey, from being 16 years old to 24 and 6 kids.

Perhaps you need to take more control of that journey now, and make sure that you can see a good future for all of you.

I don't blame dp for not wanting a 6th baby if he is working all hours and exhausted.

I wish you luck with whatever you decide, I'm sure you will work something out between you.

[Kathy420]

Oh come on. It may be your body, but the kid is made from both of you. Maybe he doesn't want to support some kid

[dequoisagitil]

It's not some kid, you asshole.

It's a pregnancy they both accidentally created.

Her body (& mind) gets to experience the traumas of pregnancy & termination in a far more immediate way than his, so surpisingly she gets the final decision.

[Booyhoo]

[Booyhoo]

sorry that was to kathy

[BabyBorn]

Angry? I'm not angry at all, just feel sorry for the poor children she has already got. Knowing they will be cast aside for the latest addition to the family...until the 7th one arrives.

How is it possible to care for 5 children, wash clothes, clean the house, make breakfast, lunch, dinner, financially support, take them to seperate activities, pay for all the mod cons they will want in order to have what other children have, organise and pay for 6 separate birthday parties, do homework most nights, bath, take out for meals, read stories and put to bed, have one on one attention....and do this with every child for 16-18 years. This is not normal life. This is manic. Children are a blessing that should be enjoyed and cherished and beable to have the attention they deserve. To add another child into the mix is beyond crazy.

Don't want to hear that doesn't matter if house isn't spotless, kids become independent after a certain age so don't need as much attention, they are in school now so have time then for the others etc etc etc rubbish. It shouldn't be made difficult for them to have your time. On top of all this where is your time for your husband and marriage? Does the marriage end there because he's never at home because he's working his socks off to support his wife and his 6 children and you don't have time for him when he's home, or he's tired from constantly working and is miserable and exhausted and your both arguing....in front of the kids.

Jokers.

[browneyedpixie]

His thoughts and emotion has to come into this too

[achillea]

Babyborn just go and have a cup of tea somewhere, please. We hear you loud and clear and so far it's patronising gobshite.

[Touchmybum]

I think you made a very sensible decision browneyedpixie. I think it must be a hellish thing to do but so long as you hold onto the reasons why you did it, I do think you will heal.

I've a certain sympathy too with your points BabyBorn even if I might not have made them in quite the way you do!

Another thing Lemonbuzz... when do you ever get to be you? You've been a mother since you were a child. If your eldest daughter follows in your footsteps you could be a gran in your early 30s and find yourself helping to rear grandchildren alongside your own younger children. Why make life harder for yourself...

[Booyhoo]

"How is it possible to care for 5 children, wash clothes, clean the house, make breakfast, lunch, dinner, financially support, take them to seperate activities, pay for all the mod cons they will want in order to have what other children have, organise and pay for 6 separate birthday parties, do homework most nights, bath, take out for meals, read stories and put to bed, have one on one attention....and do this with every child for 16-18 years."

you are projecting your own inabilities onto someone else. OP is not you. she is clearly capable of caring for 5 children. just because you couldn't doesn't mean others are shit parents. you stick to what you can cope with and let others set their own limits.

why did you have a second child? your poor first, how selfish of you to have another knowing you would be reducing the amount of time and money available for your first.

you clearly haven't a clue what you are on about so i'm ignoring you from now on. i'd advise OP to aswell. there's nothing helpful in your angry ramblings.

[achillea]

I'm just amusing myself at the way they euphemistically used to call it family planning. It meant nothing to me at the age of 16, families were what other people did.

How did this all start Lemonbuzz? He was a lot older than you when you first met, I'm actually surprised you're still together at all.

[Moominsarescary]

Well said boo

[5madthings]

baby born just because you couldn't cope with more than two children doesn't mean others casnt. I have five and cope fine, they all get individual time, help with homework etc and they are all bright, happy children. Tbh once you get past three it doesn't make much difference housework wise.

Op was using contraception, no contraception is 100% so her husband knew pregnancy was a possibility.

And sod off with the 'cast aside for the latest addition' that isn't what happens at all!

Op I think you and your dh may benefit from talking to somebody neutral, maybe a councellor is at mariestopes etc.

Ultimately if you dont want an abortion you shouldn't have one.

Maybe the pair if you can right down your fears and try and come up with a plan etc.

[Booyhoo]

why would OP be raising her grandchildren?

does it matter how it all started?

[sweetkitty]

What a horrible situation you are in, there's no right or easy answer here. he doesn't want another baby you do.

I think all you can do is keep talking to one another.

I have four DC and am at the limit of what I can cope with, life's do hard with 4 so hats off to anyone with more. I absolutely do not want anymore, neither does my DP he says he's going to get the snip but never seems to get around to it, I'm not waiting on him, I'm on the Pill, i also take it for painful periods but it's my choice I control my fertility. If I were to get accidentally pregnant I would keep the baby but never want to be in that situation.

I know that doesn't help you really. I personally think you need to keep this baby, the thought of aborting it seems too much for you to best. I think you need to explain what it will do to you to your DH. Best of luck I hope everything turns out ok for you both x