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Original poster

Embarrasing with money

44 replies

EdenFalls · 22/04/2006 10:41

My DP seems to have no pride when it comes to money, I dont expect him to pretend that he's rich but does he really need to make it so obvious that he's 'poor'?

Example number 1: we're at a restraunt and stood at the bar waiting for a table...DP starts looking at the menu and says out loud "I dont think I have enough for a starter and a main meal...how much money do you have on you?". Shock this alone was embarrasing enough in front of everyone but then he decides to get out every bit of money that he has on him and starts counting it at the bar!! including all the change etc Blush he then shouts "nice one!! Ive got £25 on me so Im practically loaded!" Shock. What a show up...

Second example, we were at a show last saturday and after walking around all day we decide to 'borrow' half of a pub table of a big group of blokes that were sat having a drink (they didnt mind!). I was sorting the kids out with a drink and something to eat when suddenly DP shouts out "right, I came out with £140 so let's see how much Ive spent..." Shock all the blokes just stopped and looked at each other Blush. Dp then went out to announce "right, I spent £40 on getting in, £15 on food so altogther Ive spent £55 so far meaning I have roughly about £80 to last the rest of the week..." Blush its like a kid counting out his pocket money.

The worst one was when we were at a resteraunt and he laid all his money out on that table (change etc) to count how much he had before we ordered...the waiters were glaring at us all night probably expecting us to do a runner.

Am I being unfair or uptight (or snobby??) here or would this piss you off too? would your partners do it?? have they ever done it?? He doesnt realise how bad it looks.

OP posts:
Pinotmum · 22/04/2006 10:45

Yes I would be cringing too and would have to tell him not to do it anymore!

LadySherlockofLGJ · 22/04/2006 10:46

I am sorry, it must be really embarrassing, but I can not stop laughing.

SomethingAboutMary · 22/04/2006 10:47

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek i would die of embarrasement & would insist i was not going out with him unless he stopped, oh i really feel for you but it did make me laugh reading your post !

bramblina · 22/04/2006 10:48

It soundslike he's doing it for a reaction. Try ignoring him completely, or just walking away.

tissy · 22/04/2006 10:50

my dh often attempts to leave an embarrassingly small tip when we eat out(e.g £1 for a £50 meal)... I have to make a point of checking and topping it up!

Pinotmum · 22/04/2006 10:50

I would be tempted to knock all the change off the table in a fit of rage Blush How old is he btw?

Original poster
EdenFalls · 22/04/2006 11:00

He is 25. Thing is he isnt tight with his money, he once left a £20 tip for a £20 meal!! He just seems to have no pride...for instance yesterday he went into a game shop, he never has any money in his bank acount unless he's just been paid and even then its all gone within a week. Money to him is water. So he picks this game up for £50, wants to buy it but knows he has no money but because he wants its so much he decides to "try anyway"! and takes it to the counter, gives the bloke his card which is promptly declined...so he tries his credit card...maxed out so again declined...so he counts how much change ect he has on him!! bare in mind this is all in front of a big queue of people! When he came away disapointed I said "bet that was embarrasing..." and he turned looking confused and said "what was embarrasing?" he just doesnt realise!! it makes me so cross.

OP posts:
nervousmum · 22/04/2006 11:05

My ex husband was just like that. (note the -ex- part!)

myalias · 22/04/2006 11:17

Do you go halves on meals, drinks etc? It sounds like he is doing this on purpose to get a reaction. Could it be his way of saying he wants you to contribute towards paying. It does sound odd considering his age.

SparklyGothKat · 22/04/2006 11:29

does he want to get mugged?? especially by shouting out how much he came out with, and how much he has left, he is asking to be mugged... people get mugged for £2, so him shouting out he has £80, he will get mugged or robbed one day.

anorak · 22/04/2006 11:34

I couldn't cope with that. No way.

tigermoth · 22/04/2006 11:49

What's his wallet like? can he actually see what money he has on him when he needs to check discreetly.

I admit I sometimes do count ups in public before buying something, but not by laying my cash on the table. Sometimes I just need to know where I am moneywise otherwise I can't relax. It's like a nervous tic.

How do his parents deal with money in public? Has he picked up their habits.

tigermoth · 22/04/2006 11:55

Thinking about this more, I sort of admire your DP's attitude if he actually then sticks to his cash limits for the week. I do think he is being embarassing though :)

But at least you know he's on top of his finances. I think denial and secrecy about money are worse, personally.

Original poster
EdenFalls · 22/04/2006 11:58

Maybe he does do it to get me to contribute but we dont live together and he knows Im a single parent who is currently not working so its not as if I have alot of money to spare. I do help him out where I can, I normally go halves on our meals out etc but I do begrudge it when I have a house to run and 2 kids to look after and he lives with his mum and blows all his money on xbox games and computer parts every month. I know its none of my business what he spends his money on but when he comes to my house bragging about all the new games he's bought and then goes for the sympathy vote by counting change when we're on a night out I do find it hard to be sympathetic.

I admit, I am funny with money but I check what I have on me BEFORE we go out so that I dont need to do it whilst we're sat at the table etc...

I know his parents are in a lot of debt and his mum has just gone and bought a second hand car for £10k etc so I assume this is where he gets it from... also he pays no money towards his keep at home and his mum bails him out when he needs it so I dont think he has much respect for money at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
EdenFalls · 22/04/2006 12:11

He is not on top of his finances at all TigerMoth :) He is in thousands of pounds worth of debt and still spends all his money on xbox games etc! He spends all of his wages within a week of recieving them and then goes for 3 weeks with no money at all.

Ive just remembered our very first 'date', we went out for a meal and when we sat down he said "I hope they take credit cards here or we'll be doing the washing up!" I took that as a joke until he said "well Ive got £30 on me and I think I still have some money on my card so we should be ok..." Shock.

Hardly a way to impress a girl on the first date! I should've known then...

OP posts:
myalias · 22/04/2006 12:11

Sounds like he needs a big kick up the bum. I went out with a guy like this years ago and his weakness was designer labels and cds. I was single at the time and thought he was saving money for our future home. His lovely mum told me a different story, that he payed nothing towards his keep and he was pissing the money away with his mates during the week. She actually told him if he didn't buck his ideas up she would tell me as she thought I deserved better. I ended the relationship after a girlie holiday with my mate in Gran Canaria.
Is there a big age gap between you and your dp?

Original poster
EdenFalls · 22/04/2006 12:15

Thats exactly how it is with us myalias, we've talked about living together and agreed that we needed to save but he has made no effort to do this at all, doesnt even show any interest but then he was put off when he realised i wasnt just going to let him move in with me with no money and a load of debt...since then he seems to have gone off the idea of us living together.

We're both 25.

OP posts:
collision · 22/04/2006 12:36

I would be soooooo embarrassed.

I like it when DH pays for things and just slips out his credit card discreetly. It looks great1

I would have to tell him how embarrassed I was if he did what your DH does.

scoobytwo · 22/04/2006 13:31

i wouldnt worry,next time just laugh at him as my dp does this to me&we call him scrooge&just laugh,he does it to get a embarrassed reaction

myalias · 22/04/2006 13:34

My mate at work went through something similar last year. She had split with her 2 lovely dd's dad, she then started going out with a guy at work and became pregnant. The guy was still living at home with his mum and leading a bachelor lifestyle of going out with his mates, spending loads of money and not giving his mum any board allowance. She would not let her partner move in with her until he had smartened up his act, she even threatend that he would have nothing to do with the baby once he was born. Luckily for her he realised what he had to lose and he was given a promotion, started giving his mum money and stopped going out with his mates. He has now moved in with her and they are very happy.
The reason I asked about the age gap is that she was 10 years older than her partner and felt like she was his mum.

Nightynight · 22/04/2006 14:00

lol edenfalls dont you know that only REALLY rich people whinge in public about how poor they are???

having said that, I agree that all the details are definitely TMI, he should have a bit more reserve.

ssd · 22/04/2006 14:41

I'd die of embarrassment.

tigermoth · 22/04/2006 19:37

oh I see edenfalls - he's simply not good with money. It sounds like he sees you as the sensible one and would not say no if you offered to bail him out, too. He needs to do a bit of growing up, doesn't he? He probably has no real idea of what day to day living costs. This means he's got a very relaxed view of being skint - he've never really gone without the necessities by the sound of it, or felt the shame of not being able to afford any of life's basics.

moondog · 22/04/2006 19:42

EF,why are you with him then?
(I had to read out your post to my dh!)

Greensleeves · 22/04/2006 19:58

My dad does this. It's a form of inverted snobbery in my opinion. It drives me wild, but at least now I can choose not to be around him if he's winding me up. I can only dimly imagine being married to someone like that - I would chew my own feet off with rage and embarrassment. He LOVES doing it. If I'm throwing out leftovers (cold soup/burnt toast/stale bread, that sort of thing) he'll shriek like a scalded cat and come haring over to retrieve it "No, Don't throw that out! I'll eat that. I live like this, you know. I can't afford to just throw away good food". He has more money than we do, but is breathtakingly mean.

Kick him HARD up the jaxy, three or four times, every time he does it. And give him one for my dad too, because I can't kick him, he's too old. Grin

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