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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Embarrasing with money

44 replies

EdenFalls · 22/04/2006 10:41

My DP seems to have no pride when it comes to money, I dont expect him to pretend that he's rich but does he really need to make it so obvious that he's 'poor'?

Example number 1: we're at a restraunt and stood at the bar waiting for a table...DP starts looking at the menu and says out loud "I dont think I have enough for a starter and a main meal...how much money do you have on you?". this alone was embarrasing enough in front of everyone but then he decides to get out every bit of money that he has on him and starts counting it at the bar!! including all the change etc he then shouts "nice one!! Ive got £25 on me so Im practically loaded!" . What a show up...

Second example, we were at a show last saturday and after walking around all day we decide to 'borrow' half of a pub table of a big group of blokes that were sat having a drink (they didnt mind!). I was sorting the kids out with a drink and something to eat when suddenly DP shouts out "right, I came out with £140 so let's see how much Ive spent..." all the blokes just stopped and looked at each other . Dp then went out to announce "right, I spent £40 on getting in, £15 on food so altogther Ive spent £55 so far meaning I have roughly about £80 to last the rest of the week..." its like a kid counting out his pocket money.

The worst one was when we were at a resteraunt and he laid all his money out on that table (change etc) to count how much he had before we ordered...the waiters were glaring at us all night probably expecting us to do a runner.

Am I being unfair or uptight (or snobby??) here or would this piss you off too? would your partners do it?? have they ever done it?? He doesnt realise how bad it looks.

OP posts:

moondog · 22/04/2006 20:10

lol GS
Love the word 'jaxy' although never quite sure which part of the anatomy it refers too.
Which makes it even funnier.

Bozza · 22/04/2006 20:16

LOL greensleeves you post reminded me of my Dad. Everytime we three girls were taken to Clarks for new shoes and the till was rung up he would pretend to faint. We were all so embarrassed...

moondog · 22/04/2006 20:18

Hysterical Bozza!
What did you do??

moondog · 22/04/2006 20:20

Our fave is my grandfather (ex miner,tight as hell) exploding with rage and shock when I told him the price of my ticket to see the Stones (1994)

Twenty quid!! TWENTY BLOODY QUID??!!'

Repeat ad nauseam for next five years.

flobbleflobble · 22/04/2006 20:23

good point about jaxy - where exactly is it?

Caligula · 22/04/2006 20:28

This thread is so funny.

But meanness or inverted snobbery or incontinence about money just isn't. It's so deeply unattractive, it's amazing you pursued this relationship after the first date. I would really want to punch a man who behaved like this, there's something so revolting about it. Seriously, I don't think I could have sex with a man who did this.

Turquoise · 22/04/2006 20:47

I agree with Caligula - not just the counting out money - but spending it all on games etc! He sounds like a schoolboy.

Love all the dads/grandads comments - my dad's catchphrase was "'OW mooch??!" (horrified lancashire accent).

moondog · 22/04/2006 20:56

psml Turquoise.
My grandfather's very similar,but with Staffs. accent.

Greensleeves · 22/04/2006 22:05

My dad's from Staffs too

tigermoth · 23/04/2006 07:56

I keep feeling drawn to this thread! Have you heard the a saying 'if you want to see what someone really loves, see what they spend their money on' I think, Edenfalls, given that your dp has surplus cash each month to spend as he likes, but always chooses to spend it all on himself, I'd be questioning his commitment. It would be interesting to see what he'd be like if you all went on a self catering holiday with a limited and fixed budget - a small test to see if he can change his ways.

Caligula · 23/04/2006 13:47

"If you want to see what someone really loves, see what they spend their money on"

I'm going to remember that one.

Greensleeves · 23/04/2006 13:48

Jaxy? It's your arsehole. Your ringpiece.

welshboris · 23/04/2006 13:50

GS!!! "your ringpiece"

trix1 · 23/04/2006 14:29

This thread is so funny - its made me laugh out loud. Personally i would tell him to stop doing it and if he didn't he would be my ex dp.

Really liked that quote "If you want to see what someone really loves, see what they spend their money on"

how very true

aaannnooonnn · 26/04/2006 22:55

Sorry but this post has had me in stitches, I just can't picture a grown man counting his money out in public! But seriously I can understand how you feel, both myself and DP have good jobs and we are comfortable with money but whenever he doesn't want to go out on a night out rather than say that he says no, I'm skint! that really bugs me as his friends and my friends are the same circle and the girls go out together, he isn't tight but too open about our finances! He doesn't count out in public but he only uses notes, once he has change it goes in his pocket then he starts on another note - perhaps he just can't count!!!!!

Original poster

Edenfalls · 26/04/2006 23:09

Its not just counting money out though, he's also far too open about his finances for instance one time I introduced him to a friend of mine and left them talking while I got something from the car...when I got back he'd told her exactly how much he gets paid, exactly how much he owes on credit cards and exactly how much he had in bank (as you can imagine none of this was impressive!). so bloody embarrasing. Poor lass didnt know which way to look!

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/04/2006 07:31

Edenfalls,

Have you posted before re him?. Your circumstances sound remarkably similar to another set of posts I am thinking of.

I ask the same question as I did of that poster at that time - why on earth are you with someone like this?. You need to realise that he is not going to change - people like his parents (this is where he has picked up his poor monetary habits from) have bailed him out and your prescence in his life won't change that or his attitude towards cash.

He is not your DP if he acts like this. He's yet another emotionally stunted manchild - you have two children, you do not need a third adult one.

You seriously need to work out why you are with such a person. You want to save him, you feel sorry for him?. If that's the case you need to get rid of him for your sake. If he was to live with you this would be one of the worst mistakes you have ever made. It will be such bad news for you and your children and he will drag you down with him. If he was to live with you his debts will follow him to your residence.

Jennypog · 27/04/2006 14:15

My dh quite often empties out the change pot that we have by the front door and pays for everything in pennies - OMG. He would quite happily stand in Sainsburys and pay a £50 bill in pennies and tuppences. Silly bugger.

I also feel quite pleased though that he isn't one of these men who goes and spends all his money in the pub.

It woudl piss me off, but then we all have our little quirks.

Jennypog · 27/04/2006 14:18

Sorry, I didn't read all of your posts - I can see that he is being a bit of a prat.

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