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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If anyone is still awake, please help me

95 replies

SneakyNuts · 17/01/2013 23:14

I don't know how to word this, I can't even be bothered to name change

I woke 'D'P up earlier as he had fallen asleep on the sofa- when he woke. He swung at me Sad

I suggested he go to his parents for the night and that he had scared me. Then he smashed up my laptop which had the only copies of all Dd's photos.

I'm fucking devastated

OP posts:
wewereherefirst · 17/01/2013 23:15

Are you safe now? Is he out of the house?

tribpot · 17/01/2013 23:16

Has he gone? Have you phoned the police? Or his parents?

Your laptop's hard disk may be retrievable, but that can wait for another day. You need to make yourself safe tonight.

TurkeyDino · 17/01/2013 23:16

I don't have much advice, sorry. I'm sure someone better will be along soon.

Try to get some rest and make plans in the morning. Get bank statements/passports/credit cards together. Do you own your house together?

As for the laptop, if you take it to a computer shop they may be able to retrieve the images.

Thinking of you OP.

Original poster
SneakyNuts · 17/01/2013 23:18

I told him to leave but he said he'll sleep on the sofa.
I'm in bed crying my heart out

OP posts:
Original poster
SneakyNuts · 17/01/2013 23:18

Nothing is in joint names
We are renting thank god

OP posts:
BitBewildered · 17/01/2013 23:19

I'm here, too. No advice, but I'm around.

Has he gone? Hot, sweet drink seems a good idea.

ThatVikRinA22 · 17/01/2013 23:19

has he been drinking?
is this usual behaviour for him?

LemonDrizzled · 17/01/2013 23:20

Sorry OP. Had he been drinking? Has he been aggressive before? Does he have previous for this sort of thing or is he stressed out at the moment for any reason? How are things generally?

Original poster
SneakyNuts · 17/01/2013 23:22

He hasn't been drinking.

The last time he acted like this was about 18 months ago before I was pregnant.

I thought things were fine. We had just started saving for a deposit and talked about having more children

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 17/01/2013 23:23

How can we help?

AnyFucker · 17/01/2013 23:25

Leopards and spots

It doesn't matter if he has been drinking, if he is stressed, if his puppy died when he was 4 fucking years old

Aggression is a deal breaker. or it should be. Don't stick around to teach your children that putting up with physical abuse is what women do.

MaggieMaggieMaggieMcGill · 17/01/2013 23:25

I think you need to call the police, he may not have assulted you but he tried to and smashing things up is not acceptable behaviour and really he should be made to leave the house.

Walkacrossthesand · 17/01/2013 23:26

What I mean is, was it practical advice about laptop & DD photos you wanted (agree with posters above, keep laptop safe as computer shops can work wonders with retrieving data) or hand-holding about situation you are in?

tribpot · 17/01/2013 23:26

So he's done it before. And you didn't leave him that time - in fact you had a child with him.

It seems reasonable for him to suppose you might say he has to leave but you won't make him. You'll feel too guilty because of your dd and you'll stay and it will happen again.

Can you go to your parents?

Would you call the police?

PureQuintessence · 17/01/2013 23:29

"So he's done it before. And you didn't leave him that time - in fact you had a child with him."

Well, quite.

What do you plan to do?

CleopatrasAsp · 17/01/2013 23:29

OP, my husband has a computer repair business. Don't worry about the photographs, unless the hard drive is smashed you can probably get the photgraphs retrieved.

As for the rest, I think it is time to leave this man. There's no excuse for him behaving like this. Please be safe.

BettySuarez · 17/01/2013 23:32

Please call the police OP - he has just tried to assault you Sad

ThatVikRinA22 · 17/01/2013 23:33

is there anywhere you can go with your child tonight?

your safety is paramount.
what is his excuse? or is he generally such a pillock? whats the back story op?

ThatVikRinA22 · 17/01/2013 23:34

police could remove him to prevent breach of peace if thats what you want.

could be he goes to parents or friends - phone police if you dont feel safe.

lowercase · 17/01/2013 23:34

another vote for call the police.

dont protect him!

protect you and your child

olgaga · 17/01/2013 23:39

He tried to assault you, not for the first time. He's damaged your property, and he refused to leave - even though he could easily have gone to his parents.

First thing in the morning, when he's gone to work, I would call NCDV.

Do you want your DD to grow up thinking this is normal behaviour?

BitBewildered · 17/01/2013 23:41

How are you OP?

Original poster
SneakyNuts · 17/01/2013 23:46

He's gone, I've told him its over.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/01/2013 23:48

Good. It would be best if you made it permanent this time.

tribpot · 17/01/2013 23:49

I'm glad you're safe, OP. Bolt the door, hunker down and for preference let someone know tonight (by email I guess) what's happened. It will help you not to be able to deny it later.