Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If anyone is still awake, please help me

95 replies

SneakyNuts · 17/01/2013 23:14

I don't know how to word this, I can't even be bothered to name change

I woke 'D'P up earlier as he had fallen asleep on the sofa- when he woke. He swung at me Sad

I suggested he go to his parents for the night and that he had scared me. Then he smashed up my laptop which had the only copies of all Dd's photos.

I'm fucking devastated

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 17/01/2013 23:49

If for any reason, you cannot call the Police tonight, please tell a friend or family member, maybe text them.

In the morning as soon as he has left for work, phone womens aid & arrange the locks to be changed, complete with chains.
And do not allow him back into your home as he doesn't sound a safe man to be aroundSad

He won't change & this behaviour is not that of a decent dp.
Please tell someone or the police asap

Sunnywithshowers · 17/01/2013 23:49

Big hugs Sneaky. What a shit thing to happen.

ElectricSheep · 17/01/2013 23:51

So sorry Sneaky, you must be in shock.

Have some sweet tea and keep warm. THere'll be peeps on here all night if you need to talk.

BrittaPerry · 17/01/2013 23:52

Another vote for telling people now. I know how easily they worm their way back in :-(

MaggieMaggieMaggieMcGill · 17/01/2013 23:53

Glad that he has left the house, do try and keep it that way xx

ElectricSheep · 17/01/2013 23:53

Can you get anyone to come and be with you.

Dial 999 straight away if he comes back and you feel unsafe.

PickledApples · 17/01/2013 23:55

Call 101 if nothing else.
Photos will be recoverable, keep laptop bits in bottom of your wardrobe or under bed- can wait for now.
Please get RL help.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 17/01/2013 23:55

I'm so sorry this has happened :(

I'm glad he's gone, but you still need to call the police. Call the local station now and report it. You will need this later on when he wants contact with DD and you don't think she's safe unsupervised. Ring now while it's clear how shaken up you are. Take photos of the laptop & mess he's made.

You need to be strong and in control right now - you need to do those things and get it all recorded.

Call a family member/friend to come and stay - it doesn't matter that it's late, you & DD being safe is FAR more important.

You can fall apart & cry later ok x

Remember, this is who he is. NO matter what he says or promises, this is who he is. Don't take the bastard back this time.

I hope you can retrieve your photos, I'm pretty such a good techie would be able to do that for you.

StitchAteMySleep · 18/01/2013 00:03

So sorry this has happened Sneaky, well done for telling him to go.

Have you got anyone in RL, a friend, your parents who could come and be with you tonight

Please call 101 to log it, if he reacts that way over you waking him up, there is just no telling how he will behave now that you have ended it.

BlueBumedFly · 18/01/2013 00:04

I've no advice just wanted you to know people are still up and awake and here. Be brave, even tomorrow when he apologises, this is not the way to live. Try to rest if you can xx

Snazzynewyear · 18/01/2013 00:07

I bet a tech wizard would be able to get the files back. Don't panic over that now. Either look for somewhere else to live or get it changed to being in just your name asap. You need to be safe. And do call the police. Bolt yourself in now so he can't possibly return.

Original poster
SneakyNuts · 18/01/2013 00:15

I've locked all the doors so he can't get back in and taken pictures and a video of the damage on the laptop.

I can't bring myself to call the police. I have text my mum and have texts from him apologising.
Although he did mumble about me emotionally blackmailing him, and using this as a power trip.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/01/2013 00:16

Don't reply to his texts

Accept no blame whatsoever for his intimidation and violence towards you

Original poster
SneakyNuts · 18/01/2013 00:17

I just seem to

OP posts:
Original poster
SneakyNuts · 18/01/2013 00:18

Oops
I just seem to aggravate him just by being here
He is a good dad, I can't take DD away from him Sad

OP posts:
tribpot · 18/01/2013 00:21

Please don't believe his bullshit. You don't 'aggravate' him by being here. He is choosing to abuse you. Your dd should not have to live with that.

She can have a relationship with him that doesn't involve you - and in the process learn that women do not have to put up with being treated like crap by men. If you want to avoid this cycle repeating in her relationships as an adult, think very carefully about what you do next.

MaggieMaggieMaggieMcGill · 18/01/2013 00:21

The only person who is responsible for his actions and emotions is him, not you, not your daughter, not his mother, not the local shopkeeper, he only has himself to blame for the way he acted.

AnyFucker · 18/01/2013 00:22

You are not taking his daughter away from him. He is still her dad, albeit one that terrorises her mother.

His actions leave you no choice.

Well, I suppose there is a choice of sorts

  1. expose your daughter to a very damaging example of a relationship and watch her make similar ones when she grows up

  2. protect yourself, and by extension, your daughter and finish your couple relationship with an abuser

Original poster
SneakyNuts · 18/01/2013 00:29

But when I think back, I just feel as I've I've overreacted or exaggerated

I'm feeling like a terrible mother right now. Poor DD

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/01/2013 00:31

Yes, poor DD, watching an abusive relationship play out right under her very nose.

Original poster
SneakyNuts · 18/01/2013 00:31

She has never ever witnessed anything

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/01/2013 00:32

Every person in an abusive situation says that. They see and absorb more than you think.

AnyFucker · 18/01/2013 00:33

How did you explain her smashed up toys ? As she grows up, will you take her for a fool with no use of her eyes, ears and gut feelings ?

Original poster
SneakyNuts · 18/01/2013 00:36

She was asleep in bed when this happened tonight. The previous time was before I was pregnant.

I don't know what you want me to say, he's gone and she's here with me

OP posts:
StitchAteMySleep · 18/01/2013 00:37

He is not a good dad if he attempts to hit you, your dd loves you and wouldn't want to see you hurt, let alone the message that gives about how she should be treated in relationships when she gets older.

He is taking no responsibility for his behaviour with the accusations of emotional blackmail and power trip, he will do this again, maybe it will be worse, maybe your dd will see it, do you want her to go through that?

If a complete stranger took a swing at you and smashed up your property would you see it as overreacting?

Swipe left for the next trending thread