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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The house descended into absolute bedlam and I ended up in hysterics. DP not talking to me.

30 replies

INeedAWhisky · 10/01/2013 15:18

At the weekend we had DP's two sons for the night. One is 15 and has autism, the other is 16 and has suspected mild aspergers.
I also have two sons. My eldest is 14 and also has mild aspergers and my youngest is 12 and has adhd. So as you can imagine, we have some fun in this house when it all kicks off.

So Saturday night arrived. DP's eldest son goes into a strop about something and he and his dad end up arguining. This stresses out his youngest DS who starts chanting "shut up" and opens a bag of m&ms and starts throwing them one by one at his brother and father. My eldest DS decides to try and break up the whole thing by setting off an attack alarm. The noise from this sends his youngest into meltdown, covering his ears and shouting "arrrr" at a constant pace - my youngest starts to go absolutely crazy because of all the noise and excitement and starts throwing stuff around the living room (mainly directed at DP's youngest who is still shouting) and then the dog goes psyco and starts darting around the room, across the sofas etc barking and growling. I was absolutely gobsmacked and didn't know what to do, it was absolute bedlam and then DP's eldest suddenly said "well it's like a fucking asylum in here, I'm off" and he storms out. My eldest DS then adds "good observation, I agree although I believe the correct term is mental health hospital". DP then puts his hands over his ears and mumbles "jesus wept, what the fuck is going on?"

At this point I was just helpless. I collapsed into a heap of laughter, tears strolling down my face, I couldn't catch my breath I was laughing so much. I don't even know why I was laughing.

DP and I have not spoken properly since. He's so protective over his kids however that any discussion regarding them ends in an argument. WTF do we do now?

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 10/01/2013 15:22

Suck it up and tell him to stop being so bloody petty, I'd of laughed too, better that than cry :)

HoratiaWinwood · 10/01/2013 15:22

I'm assuming it was a sort of desperate hysterical reaction rather than actually finding it entertaining? in which case can't you say so?

purplewithred · 10/01/2013 15:22

What, DP is sulking about it? What exactly? or you just haven't had a chance to discuss it?

Plenty of Wine and some quality time together I think.

Sounds to me like you did the only thing possible.

Sugarice · 10/01/2013 15:23

How did Saturday night end, did everyone calm down and stay over?

dequoisagitil · 10/01/2013 15:27

Did he take it that you were laughing at his kids? Seems inexplicable otherwise. Confused

amillionyears · 10/01/2013 15:30

Well done for coping is what I say.
5 days is a long time for not talking.
Does he often go into a sulk?
It could be that he has misinterpreted something you said or did.

LoopsInHoops · 10/01/2013 15:36

I thought it would make an excellent play sketch and also laughed. Why is DH angry?

Original poster
INeedAWhisky · 10/01/2013 15:48

I wasn't laughing at his kids, I was laughing at the whole scenario, it was like something from a cartoon. We have a guinea pig in the corner of the dining room and I looked across and he was just sat staring out of the bars as if to say "what the fuck??" it was hilarious.

I sent my eldest out of the room when his eldest left so we just had the two younger ones (autism and adhd) to try and calm down. What made me laugh even more was all of a sudden his ds snapped out of it and said "I could really eat a cheese toastie, did you know I've been fancying one of those for 3 whole days?" I was just helpless, I had to leave the room.

DP is pissed off because he reckons I'm making a mockery of what he's had to deal with for the past 15 years. I apologised for laughing but told him it was my kids I was laughing about too, as well as the dog and the guinea pig and fuck knows what the neighbours were thinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
INeedAWhisky · 10/01/2013 15:49

DP is so sensitive though, we were watching the undateables a few nights ago and he started crying. It's SUCH a touchy subject with him it's like walking on egg shells with bloody football boots on.

OP posts:
dequoisagitil · 10/01/2013 15:55

No, I didn't think you were laughing at his kids - just thought maybe that's how he interpreted it.

He is being oversensitive and huffing ever since is completely OTT.

Lueji · 10/01/2013 16:08

It seems that he has really been affected by these issues, and perhaps he needs some therapy to help him cope?

TBH, I find that humour is the best way to deal with such things. When the sense of humour vanishes, then something is wrong.

Is he in any way in the autistic spectrum, at all? Or, on the contrary, very emotional?

Good god, I laugh often enough when DS goes into some strops, and even he ends up laughing as well.

Do you think he felt worse because the whole thing started off with him arguing with his eldest and then his youngest going into a crisis too?

His reaction of putting his hands on his ears shows that, perhaps, he was feeling overwhelmed too.

Laughter is a common reaction to stress. Show him: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nervous_laughter

topknob · 10/01/2013 16:14

My 10 yr old has asd and to be fair when he goes off on one it can be very funny! I found your situation funny as I can imagine the situation perfectly.

Proudnscary · 10/01/2013 16:14

I'm so glad you said you were rolling around laughing at the end, because I started laughing halfway through your post but felt really guilty!

It must be incredibly hard work and sometimes quite the opposite of funny dealing with kids with these conditions, but if you can find the funny - what better way than to let the stress out?!

Is he normally a po-faced twit or is he a nice guy who was just too stressed to see the humour of the situation? If it's the latter I'd say explain you just saw the ridiculousness of the situation and that was your way of dealing with it then make up and forget about it.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 10/01/2013 16:18

It definitely sounded like a laugh or cry moment.

Nellysknickers · 10/01/2013 16:21

Bless you OP, your post made me laugh too. DP needs to lighten up a bit!

foofooyeah · 10/01/2013 16:24

Well I just laughed out loud when you said about the guinea pig with the shocked expression.

Have a chat with old grumpy po face and tell him you were laughing at the situation and not his children.

ILoveTIFFANY · 10/01/2013 19:54

I just laughed out loud too..... You need humour with teens, humour!

digerd · 10/01/2013 21:03

I think the laughing was an automatic coping mechanism which relieved the awful tension/mayhem. Your body knew just what it needed and it worked for you. Pity your DH did not have this reaction, instead he cried which is a much more draining reaction than laughing.
Although some people burst into laughter which then turns into crying. We are all different. But laughing is the best way to cope.
And I must say your oldest DS had my respect and admiration with his calm and intelligent remark about the "Asylum" - that made me smile.

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 10/01/2013 21:45

I'm laughing too...think it was the dog and the guinea pig that got me Grin. Good on you for coming through it all with a smile on your face.

tallwivglasses · 10/01/2013 21:50

I wonder how the evening would have turned out if you'd also just put your hands over your ears and said 'Jesus wept'.

You did the right thing, OP. You diffused the situation. Ask him if he noticed the guinea pig

Pickles77 · 10/01/2013 21:58

I was laughing, then the guinea pig sent tea splattering everywhere.
OP I salute you my first belly laugh of the new year.
I have it like a cartoon sketch in my Head x

GetOrf · 10/01/2013 22:05

Bless you, you paint a good picture and that made me laugh as well, especially the 'actually its a mental health hospital'. I think it's better to lauh than cry.

Perhaps DP thought you were laughing at him and his kids, rather than the whole daft scenario.

GetOrf · 10/01/2013 22:07

Haha I missed the guinea pig bit that just made me piss myself. I can just see a guinea pig with a 'what a fuck?' Face.

GetOrf · 10/01/2013 22:09

Seriously, you saying that he cried about the undateables - he must be so sensitive about the whole thing and protective about his kids. I don't know - I think just have to say again that you were just tickled by the madness of it all.

deleted203 · 10/01/2013 22:10

I think you coped fantastically! A lot of women would have been screaming and weeping and shrieking at DP that they couldn't cope with this situation any longer! (Me included, probably). I think he needs to appreciate that expecting ANYONE to cope with a 15 and16 yo DSS - both of whom are on the autistic spectrum - is MASSIVE and he ought to be hugely grateful that he's found a loving, cheerful, sane woman who is prepared to give it a go. Full, full marks to you for bravery and dealing so well.