Are we always able to get over heartbreak via romantic telationships?

[SoleSource]

Or do you think there is a limit as to how many.times we can achieve it.

Can't help you there. I could imagine however that it might feel worse for a while (in general) before it started getting better IYSWIM. I would want to feel that someone "got" me though. If you don't feel you can discuss this worry you have with her, I reckon you have your answer, tbh.

Not that you should give up the therapy, but that you enquire re. a different therapist.

Yes. I shall start to search soon. It throws up so much pain. Not having a mother and father who were emotionally available to me has left me lost wrt emotions. How to not let people or their remarks get to me. I can tell I have learned something as on MN my attitude is mainly.pleasent. I don't feel the need to squabble or make comments in retaliation as much as I did before. Although still not perfect tbere much much better.

CBT I am not sure whetber it isany good? Do you know from reading about it here AF?

I have no idea, sorry, am totally unqualified to even give a good guess.

Ok. :) x

I am easily taken advantage of, used, vulnerabl.
I has to change!

Your therapist sounds barely competent to practice, TBH. What are her actual qualifications? I ask this because it is still unfortunately true that any old nutbjob, control freak or well-meaning idiot can set up as a counsellor/therapist and charge whatever s/he likes.

BY all means look for a different one. I think a therapist who so resolutely cuts herself off from mainstream culture is failing her clients as she is not going to understand their points of reference. I don't watch things like The X Factor or The Sopranos or soap operas, but I know what they are and have at least a vague awareness of the tropes (mind you, I am not a therapist).

I have just been trying to find out more about therapists for another friend with MH issues as her last therapist was an utter buckethead who was obsessed with friend's bisexuality and her tattoos rather than her depression, anxiety and drinking...

Thank you Solid :):)

She is registered on the official lists etc. Just out of touch unless radio or high end newspapets. I don't think sje is wtong for that just in many ways it hinders my conection with her..

I think some people can come back from it time and time again, some can't. My great aunt lost her husband in World War Two and never remarried (they didn't have DC). She is now in her late 80s and still keeps his photograph on her bedside table.

Personally I've had several long-term relationships which have ended badly and though I now have a DP who I've been with a long time if I was to split up with him I don't think I'd get together with anybody else, even if our split was amicable. I don't think I've got the energy to go through it all again!

I think it was bad that when you made a tentative attempt to explain why you didn't feel you and she were best fit, she said it wasn't an issue. It clearly was an issue with you so it should have been to her too. Invalidating a client's feelings is not good practice. (I only did a short introductory counselling course out of curiosity, to be fair, but I suspect my approach is righter than that of this well qualified professional. Which is disturbing, really.)

Mind you her rates don't sound unreasonable. I was paying that for a private counsellor about four years ago. (But she WAS good. Unfortunately I think she died.)

It could be that, by saying she has never seen TV or whatever, she's actually asking you to articulate the problem a little more personally rather than going with the shorthand reference. We're all individuals. Two people can make the same reference to the same TV programme but mean very different things by it. Not saying you should stay with the same therapist if it's not working but don't be surprised if other therapists do something similar.

:( your Auntie.

I guess it might be a generational thing too. The people in my family are al married, loyal, content. They have it good. No divorces. I feel out of my.depth. Men I have dated have been cruel abusive, game pkayets. I xannpt stand to go.tbrough it all again either.

The ladt guy I was eith was a cocklodger8!!

Fucking bastard he was!!

Only just realised what he was five years later because of Mumsnet!!!

How dumb was I????

I have felt so stupid and I let myself down so badly being with.him

He was using me.so.ill then buggered off with another

No won't be surprised. Have coped for eighteen months. Just if I see a similiar emotion being expressed in a film etc and I cannot describe or rxpress it.via embarrassent or feeling shy I cannot make her get what I.mean. It is brushed over and I.don't think she knows the ectent of my.psin.

I come awsy feeling she doesn't 'get't me as AF says.

Thats a rare occurence but stuff in my head has been there since childhood feels natural but is unhelpful. I need yo telease it, get it understoo, abalysed but not sure what it is...

"How dumb was I????"

Naive possibly, but not 'dumb'. We all want love, we can all be blind to others' faults, and we all (unless we lead a charmed life) make mistakes along the way. Doesn't make anyone stupid, just human. Trick is to learn from the mistakes rather than thinking the only way to cope is to opt out completely.... because that can be a different kind of mistake. If you ran a red light this afternoon would you hand in your driving licence and vow never to get back in the car... or would you just be more careful in future?

The men I have atracted have been unkind, emotionally inavailable twats.

"Just if I see a similiar emotion being expressed in a film etc and I cannot describe or rxpress it.via embarrassent or feeling shy I cannot make her get what I.mean."

The trouble is that, until you can articulate it, no therapist can advise you properly. Here's a thought.... try telling this board what emotion you've seen in a film (or TV or whatever) that particularly resonates with the way you feel and see if we can suggest a form of words to match.

Yes but will people take the pee out of me?:(

I can't vouch for anyone else but I wont. :) No-one's taken the pee so far either. Solesource, we don't know you and you don't know us. You can say anything you like. What have you got to lose?

True! :) thank you so.much.

I will come back here Xxx

Will look out for you. Caveat.... I'm a fusty R4 listener that doesn't watch X-factor either but will do my best.

I think that the incentives for men to treat women well are not there in the way that they used to be. They can have sex without commitment, children without marriage. Gosh, that makes me sound really conservative and I'm not. I very much consider myself a feminist and it's totally right that women now don't have to depend on men. However I think when we did depend on them, when our fates were in their hands (e.g. because we couldn't divorce them), there was a concept of 'gentlemanliness' in society, of a right and wrong way to treat women, that was actually due to our powerlessness. Now instead of the onus being on men to behave well the onus is on women to not get involved or cut short their involvement with men who behave badly.

But how do we know when the man in pur life is no good?

If he is late for the firsy date?
If he doesn't answer a text for ours/days?

If we have been treated badly and allowed it in our past, how do we not allow it to happen ahain because we.give cjances.just.incase...

Or we are OTT like micjelle pfieffer chatacter in frankie and johnny

Isolates herself from everybody because her exes were pigs

Do you really think that TheKindness? I rather think that some men have always chosen to exploit women, whether they are in a position of social obligation over them or not. There was never an 'onus on men to behave well'.... they were simply excused when behaving badly.

"If he is late for the firsy date?
If he doesn't answer a text for ours/days?"

Yes and yes. Unless there is a good reason, both are indicators of inconsideraton.

Here's a story from my long and glorious love-life. Once I went out with a very nice & rather wealthy man a few times. Went back to his place 'for coffee', we were talking, and he started to absent-mindedly arrange the various things on the coffee table so that they were set-square perfectly lined up. I didn't see him again because that little subconscious act made me quite certain that a man that neat would never fit into my messy, chaotic style.

You mad woman Cog!!! you might be saying... Nevertheless, sometimes it's the smallest things that you should take note of.

Ooh gosh I agree Cog!!

The cocklodger I referred choseda girlfriend because she carefully picked up dugar grains from tbe coffee table on their first date.

He met her whilst he was 'with' me. He told me I was too messy and she was perfect for him vecauseof tbat.

They are still together.

Sugar grains? ... (Maybe he likes people who don't know where to find a J-cloth?) You realise he was just point-scoring to make you feel bad?

Cog

I just called therapist. I said I won't be coming back. She said thats sad. Can you call me back tonight I have a friend here. I feel bad :(