Kissing during sex

[Seekingthezone]

When DW and I had sex she would always refuse to kiss during the act. I found this odd as GIfs prior to marriage had always kissed. I found it quite sensual and part of the joy. it was a simulation as well. it was dental hygiene getting in the way either.

it seemed really odd to me that we could be in the middle of the most intimate thing that a couple does and she felt uncomfortable kissing during it.

Any one else come across this or have views why she would not kiss.

She will kiss to say good night. But that is a dry very quick kiss. No passion.

Btw married for 10+ years but it has always been like that.

[Numberlock]

She withdrew sex as a punishment but that is another story
Our sex life has been degrading for 10 years now
one more unresolved issue

It sounds like there's quite a lot going on here, OP, do you want to give us some more detail?

[cheeseandpineapple]

Fluffy is right. That's why Pretty Woman prostitute Julia Robertson could shag Richard Gere but wouldn't kiss him to begin with.

Kissing way more intimate.

[Vagaceratops]

Do you have a beard/lots of stubble?

[BertieBotts]

Sounds like there's something huge underlying this. I agree with the posters who say kissing is very important and sensual. I often can't get properly into sex without a good kiss. DP doesn't like kissing in the morning because of morning breath and it's always disappointing for me!

[Seekingthezone]

No beard

Yes you are right there is lots going on. I have been trying to rationalise behaviours to firstly understand what has been happening and then look to what could/should be done on the future cos at the moment it is very broken.

I have tried to discuss issues in the past around the physical side of the relationship but was told I was always going on about sex. I wasn't, but did want to sort it out as it is a very important part of the relationship to me.

Even in the past when sex was good and I would say something after to that effect DW would not talk about it. It was like she was unable to discuss topics like this, even the good things, not just the problems. So there is something amis there I feel. After all I am not asking for a discussion in front of her family. It was just the two of us, alone

Very interesting about the differences between sex and missing so thanks for the insight. I live and learn! That would explain why we ended up having discussions about jobs and shopping and the like just after the big moment. I was much more involved, physically and mentally I guess.

[Numberlock]

Simple (and genuine) question - why are you with her?

[bubbles1231]

Er- you're not the partner of this person are you?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1653282-Love-DH-but-dont-want-to-have-Sex-how-can-i-keep-my-husband

[bubbles1231]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1653282-Love-DH-but-dont-want-to-have-Sex-how-can-i-keep-my-husband

[TwoFacedCows]

DH and I do not kiss during sex.

We are an affectionate couple, always kissing on lips or cheek, always telling each other how much we love each other, always hugging and snuggling.

But we just do not kiss during sex. We very very rarely French kiss.

I dont think he is bothered either, We are very open about our love and our relationship. We have a VERY exciting/unusual sex life, so our lack of kissing has nothing to do with that!

might have to check he is ok with our current kissing situation!!

[Seekingthezone]

bubbles thanks for the suggestion but no that is not my DW. Interesting to read it though

Reason for being together is DC. If I force a split it messes an awful lot up including education of DC (fees) and I cannot force that.

Problem is I am the only feeling the pain. DW doesn't want intimacy and has shut down that side. She is seemingly happy in a sexless existence. So it is no issue for her. She has what she wants. I am the one desiring intimacy and I am locked into life as-is for a significant number of years with very little prospect of change. Not looking for sympathy just understanding of how others cope, behave etc.

[Numberlock]

How do you you cope? Get yourself a lover same as she probably has.

Or do the decent thing and end it for everybody's sakes, especially the children's.

[Seekingthezone]

Interesting thought.

I know I would end it if DC did not exist. I just cannot stare into the abyss and do it today though. Call me a wimp, one friend already did , but DC are in a better position than I ever was and pulling the plug will mean they are behind and I cannot bring myself to do it for what seems to be a selfish thing when I view it from some angles. Mind you it is a contract broken from another view.

I am beginning to feel like I might have invested in the wrong genetic bank at this point. A bit too late to opt out sadly. Where are the FSA when you need, then . Caveat emptor.

[Seekingthezone]

You are right though Numberlock, it is driving me nuts.

I was never one to rush for the forums to check out my life and behaviour but this issue has. I have to say I find it reassuring to see that I am not. going crazy, despite how it often feels. So a big thanks to you and your fellow posters for taking the time you have to share thoughts and experiences.

[perfectstorm]

Severely tongue tied people can't kiss with tongues, either. But the problems here sound rather more entrenched than that. I don't think the chief issue is the kissing; it's the lack of communication and mutual respect.

[perfectstorm]

How old are the DC? I ask because if they're teens, remaining is tenable. If they're very young, their schools won't compensate for an utterly miserable family life.

[Numberlock]

I'm wondering why in your
original post you just mentioned the issue of no kissing during sex when there's clearly so much to this. You sound in denial, also slightly martytish. I doubt the kids will thank you or their mother for this situation in the future. Is this the model of relationships and family life you want to show them.

Also interesting that your answer to my question why you are with her was about the kids, no mention of her.

What is your wife 'punishing' you for?

[FellatioNelson]

Hmm. Well if bad breath and smoking are ruled out then it must be the wet kisses. I can't stand wet kissers. Even people who kiss me on the cheek and leave it wet makes me a bit queasy.


Is she one of those people who has a real issue with noisy/sloppy eaters as well? I bet she is.

It is perfectly possible to like French kissing but still not like 'wet kissers' if you know what I mean. Work on keeping your lips free from saliva. Although it might be a bit late now if she has already decided that there is no hope for you in the moistness department.

[badinage]

You seem to be stockpiling grievances against your wife and using this forum to do it. I notice you've got another thread complaining about her taking severance from the job that had been making her miserable for 18 months. On that thread, you complained about the time you spent listening to her work woes and a bit like this one, posted a misleading OP that got everyone frothing about how damned unreasonable she was, until a few savvy posters asked some pertinent questions and it turned out that was old news that you're still sore about.

I'd be interested in your wife's take on this, or why you need your hatred for your wife bolstering right now.........

[perfectstorm]

Yeah, I was coming back this morning to ask: have you met someone who seems to understand you so much better, and with whom you just feel more able to talk, recently? Because your overall tone does rather seem to indicate that you may have, tbh. There's just that edge, somehow. A comparing to how things might have been, so to speak.

[badinage]

Sounds like our pennies dropped at exactly the same time perfect storm....

So to speak....

[perfectstorm]

Quite.

Meanwhile, on another thread...

[Seekingthezone]

badinage I disagree that I am using the forum to stockpile grievances.

One could just as easily accuse some people of using this as an outlet for arrogance and as a nice place to make armchair judgements.

I came to this website to get the views and experiences on a number of issues that I have found bewildering.

The kissing issue I have looked far and wide at before coming here, including agony aunt columns to see what the span of behaviour was and whether I was expecting something that people simply do not do. This forum was another source of information and was informative at the start. It is obviously taking a twist now and is well past the original post. I came for opinions and feel I am now in the dock being tried by arrogance and sarcasm from two great wits.

Leaving the job is a real issue that is still with us despite it being considered to be old news. It hurt and bewildered me and has taken time to talk about it.

It did not seem appropriate to post both in the same item which is why I split them.

To save the search there was a third issue about to cope with completely mismatched sex drives whilst still maintaining a reasonable environment for teenage DC rather than simply resorting to divorce which is just going to create a different set of problems.

Yes the relationship is deeply troubled and I am trying to tackle each of the parts. Many of the bits I do not need help with and that is why they have not appeared here so the whole picture is far from disclosed.

Still I need not worry because I am sure that you will have a resolution to it all when you get out of your armchair to.type it.

[perfectstorm]

Sorry, but you haven't answered the question, which is very relevant to advice we can offer.

Is there a woman you talk to and feel emotionally close to, other than your wife?

[AnyFucker]

Another question. Does your wife use Mumsnet ?

[CabbageLeaves]

I think you're hounding this bloke off a forum which traditionally provides support. Many posters come on here with stories of events in their past which are just catching up with them or they are just feeling ready to tackle.

Whilst I think it's not unreasonable to ask him to answer the questions of whether he's using MN to get at his wife or excuse an affair if he says no then do you maintain your stance that he is trolling/lying?

Why so aggressive towards him? Why stalk him across threads?

Why not walk away? What are you hoping to achieve here with your posts? And why does it matter so much.

I dislike bullying and abusive behaviour. It doesn't matter whether its women or men. I also don't feel you can uphold an attitude to women and then behave the same towards a man.