I need to talk please, really low.

[sparklyjumper]

It's me from this thread

I've started a new one as I could really do with talking right now.

My plan to dump him didn't go to plan and instead it's him breaking up with me. Well first he wants space, then he wants to brak up as it will never work, then he wants a trial seperation to get some space for a few days. He says it's because I hate him, I'd be happier with someone else, I'm not nice to him but I know really it's because he doesn't love me but doesn't want to say it.

I'm devastated, I'm sat here literally sobbing I can barely see through the tears, my heads pounding I 've not eaten much today I actually feel like I want to die because it would be easier than feeling like this. I don't know why this is so painful, breakups in the past have never been but I love this man so much. I'd built up a future in my head for us he's the type of man I want to be with. But he doesn't. Yesterday he was saying he'd be back before the weekend because he couldn't bear to be away. When he's with me he's so loving how can he just be faking all of that. When he goes he's so cold.

I feel like stamping all over my phone so I don't have to hear it anymore. I really don't know how I'm going to get out of bed in the morning.

Was looking back at old texts in bed to see just how many arguements he has caused in the last few months.

About 5 weeks ago, last time he was on call with work I asked him if he wanted to come for tea as I'm doing homemade burgers, but understand if he doesn't want to as on call. He said no as he needed to get out of the habit of coming when he's on call. I was quite offended by 'habit' but didn't bite so said to let me know when he did want to come over. He then started saying how I don't appreciate what he has to do and I'll get him to do anything as long as I get my own way. Then started on about how I don't care about him driving on the icy roads in the morning. How does inviting someone for tea turn into that?

He caused a nasty text arguement about a week after that too. Over me asking him to come swimming when he thinks he's too fat to go and him and ds bickering over tv like two kids, only ds is a kid. So come Monday I got the cold shoulder again and the threats to finish if I don't sort myself out. Yet when he came over next he assured me nothing was wrong and he was just tired and didn't mean it.

god he sounds bloody awful! dont run after him this time and beg him to come back - the engagement thing would have seen me kick him out. hes playing games with you and loves it. a few weeks after the break up d the fog will clear and suddenly you will see this relationship was wrong. my ex was a bit like this, and like you i believed i wouldnt find anyone se but less than a year after breaking up with my ex i found my wonderful dp who would never dream of gaslighting etc. you can do this op but the first step is always the hardest.

Hope for me yet then jumping! No intentions of getting involved with anyone for quite some time now, feel like I need a big rest.

Just wanted to ask as was thinking of another thing he used to do quite a lot where he'd accuse me of being controlling and he'd actually do this quite early on.

Say he'd arrange to come over on a Tuesday for tea/get a takeaway/go out. I might have made small plans, just got some tea in or whatever. Then at 5.30 an hour before he was due to come he'd text saying 'not coming tonight'. When I'd ask why not he'd just say he was tired or his mate had asked him to do something. Because I wasn't happy about that he'd say I was trying to control him and it shouldn't matter if he wants to do something. But to me it wasn't about 'not wanting him to do something', it was about him cancelling last minute.

But then what would get my back up even more is when he still lived with his mum he'd only really eat with me on a weekend as his mum had made tea, but I might text him in the day and invite him over to eat with me but he wouldn't as his mum was expecting him. The irony? If I pointed this out AGAIN, I was trying to control him? Then when he moved out he started eating with me all the time.

The me being controlling thing has realy wounded me as that is so not the person I want to be.

But, if he was coming and sometimes I ate with my parents or something earlier and didn't tell him he'd get a little bit grumpy that he had to eat alone.

I know we've established he's an arsehole and the finer details don't really matter! Perhaps I should have started a blog.

Speaking of blogs, sparkly, have a look at lovefraud.com some time. It might look extreme, but your ex is such an habitual liar, and a drifter, that I can't help wondering if he ticks a few boxes there.

Though really, you're better off focusing on YOU, and building your life without him.