Pregnant early in relationships- how can I make it work?

[JLowe13]

I've just found out I'm pregnant. I'm 26 and have been seeing my boyfriend for only 3 months and have just found out I'm pregnant (we were v careful so complete surprise).

I am going ahead with the pregnancy and hes said he'll support me. Things have been great between us and I really think we would have worked out long term. But I can't see how we are going to keep such a new relationship going with all this to contend with. Up until now it's all been about fun and spontaneity.

I've browsed a few threads and seen there are a few of you who've been in similar situations and have made it work - but how??? I just can't imagine at the moment how we can progress our relationship with such a big thing happening at the same time.

Any advice? Success stories only please - I really need positive thoughts at the moment.

Also should I have posted this on the pregnancy bit - wasnt quite sure which was more appropriate.

Thank you!

I have no experience of this. I just wanted to say congratulations! I was with my ex six years (married for three of them) before I had our children and we divorced a few years later.
What I'm trying to say is - there are no guarantees in life. Being with your DP a short time doesn't mean it's less likely to work out! Enjoy getting to know each other as you get to know your little one. Who knows where it might lead?

Hello you. Just wanted to share our success story. We were 21 and 22 when we discovered less than 3 months in we were pregnant. Most people predicted disaster for us and can't say I blamed them. We were stony broke and living a life of parties and lots of booze etc etc. But we were very committed to each other and especially our baby. 22 years on, still married. A few blips but generally all very good. Our little boy is now a medical student and other dcs too. so. It can work. Good luck!!!

I was in the same situation with my now DH. We were together 4 months before finding out we were pregnant with DS. At the time I was worried as you are, we made the most of the time while I was pregnant to really get to know each other and spend time alone together that once DC is born you wont get. Going through something as amazing and hard work as having a baby creates a huge bond in itself. For us the most important thing was being honest through everything, we both had our wobbles but DH is now my best friend and our DS is amazing. When you need to stay positive just think everything happens for a reason and as already said being together longer has no guarantee on your relationship. Just want to say Congratulations and just go with it. Once you both see your baby everything will be fine. Wishing you the best of luck. x

My mum and dad were 17 and 24 when they met and in less than a year after meeting they had me they are still very happy together 27 years later.

No experience either, but I'd say that the best thing to do us keep talking to each other.
Don't hide the fact you're nervous about the future, don't feel you have to fast track everything in your relationship just because there is a baby on the way. It would be worse to move in together too soon and the relationship suffer than wait a bit longer.
Congratulations and good luck

Thank you all so much for responding - it is lovely to hear success stories. I suppose a positive way of looking at it is that the situation in itself will help us get to know each other quickly!

I worry though that he is going to be getting to know someone who isn't he real me - I'd worked out exactly how I was going to tell him (calmly, rationally, without putting pressure on him) when it came to it I just blurted it out and cried(I never cry!). Maybe it's the hormones or the pressure of the situation but I worry I might scare him off.

Also (I know this is unimportant in the scheme of things) but in so embarrassed about telling people at work, I'm in a relatively responsible position and it just doesn't seem to fit (ridiculous I know).

I also can't imagine at this stage giving birth in front of him - the relationship is so new - again ridiculous. My mind is whirring and all these weird thoughts are running through - I can't seem to filter what is important.

I had been with DH 2 weeks when I fell pregnant. I was told I couldn't have children naturally so we weren't careful. We had been together 7 weeks when we found out!

Our relationship was quite intense so it didn't really seem to be an issue for him at all as we felt we would always be together anyway. It was harder for our families to understand but they soon realised we would be fine.

We didn't move in together for about 6 months though, we both had our own houses and I think that helped as I was quite tired, sick and moody and needed my own space. He was very understanding.

We have been together 7 1/2 years now, DS1 was born exactly 9 months after we met as he was 2 weeks early and we had DS2 2 years later. We didn't rush into getting married and didn't even get engaged until we'd been together over 2 years then married after 4 years. He was actually more shocked when we fell pregnant the 2nd time - he didn't speak to me for 24 hours

I felt the same re giving birth in front of him but actually by the time the moment came it was fine.

Also go out together as much as possible, we went to the local quiz night at the pub every week and had nights out as often as possible. Just before my due date we went out for a really special 'last meal' also.

I had been with my OH about 6 months when I fell pregnant and we are still together 5 years on :)Not marrried purely because I don't want to get married to anyone

When I told him I immediately burst into tears and told him he could leave if he wanted to and I wouldn't hold it against him Also, my hormones went crazy and I was a teeny bit unhinged during the pregnancy, but he was endlessly patient with me because he knew from my friends that I wasn't usually like that.

It will more than likely be hard but it can work, but make time for yourselves, try to have baby free nights out and stuff and just see how it goes :D

I got pregnant two months in and we were living in different cities! I was so happy as was my DP, we had a proper deep and meaningful and agreed that we both wanted the baby and to stay together. We discussed what would happen if the relationship between us didn't work and how we would work out contact with the baby. We are obviously still together, it's been really hard but I love him. I think when you get pregnant early on and decide to go on with it you need to be sure you can go it alone, I hope you think this is positive because I really mean it to be, I think if you are both secure in wanting the baby it will take the pressure of and actually make the relationship easier.

As for work don't give it a second thought, I'm in a similar job and everyone thought I was single so showing the scan pic round was quite fun. I really liked the one colleague who just came out and said so is the dad going to be involved?

Oinkypig I actually had people ask who the father was - I would never be so bold as to ask something like that. It didn't really bother me as it was an unusual situation.

Work were really supportive - you may be surprised.

People have no shame! To be honest I much preferred the people who just came out and asked rather than gossiped behind my back. My direct bosses were so supportive I couldn't have asked for better. Don't know if you felt the same MrsMelons, but i just had a feeling it was the right thing. You still have to be prepared it might not go how you want but if you want it go for it. What's the saying? You only regret the things you don't do.

I was with my now DH of 10 years approx 3 weeks before I found out I was pregnant and told after numerous mc that I couldn't carry a baby full term.

We had DD1 and then a mc and then 2 more DDs.

We have always been open and honest with each other and dealt with the ups and downs togeather. I'm glad for us that it all worked out.

Good luck and congratulations.

One of the happiest marriages I know is a couple who were together 4 months when she got pregnant. They were both about 24 (and party animals). They got married when she was 5 months pregnant - with twins. Beautiful, identical girls. None of their friends had kids, they were both graduates from quite posh backgrounds so it was a bit scandalous in the world they inhabited.

She was an amazing mum straight away, and breastfed her twins at the same time like she'd been doing it for years. I was so in awe.

They had a son two or three years later (planned) and then another one a few years after that (unplanned). They were pretty shocked at no.4 but really happy after the initial shock.

They love each other and are wonderfully compatible as parents. They are a big, happy family.

There are no rules. Quite a few couples I know were together for years and end up divorced quite soon after they have children.

A lot of it is how compatible you are as parents and how you respond as individuals to parenthood and that is unknowable really.

You have as good a chance as anyone else, honestly.

Oh, and my friends still love letting their hair down and have a great social life, even though they are good and responsible parents.

I was with dp for about 3 weeks when I became pregnant, like others we were party animals, none of our friends had kids, I will admit that while making the decision to keep the baby I was shitting myself! I know that all of our friends gave us weeks rather than months or years together, but 8 years later we are still here and still happy. The only advice I can give is just go with it and see what happens. I agree with the poster above, just because you are pregnant don't stop doing stuff together like going on dates to the cinema, or out for dinner.

I was with oh a month when I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant!
Yes it was a relationship on fast forward. But 5 years on we wouldn't change it. It's worked well for us as we've always been a family - there's always been 3 of us. You'll bond quickly and there will be times where friends or family ask questions you should know the answer to e.g mothers maiden name of the father of your child! Bit awkward!!! But on the whole genuinely I wouldn't change it.

This may not be quite what you were asking for but it is a happy story too. I got PG (totally unplanned, thought I was a) past it and b) infertile) by an old drinking buddy at the age of 39. I decided to continue the pregnancy. He was enthusiastic at first, then bolted, then got back in touch a month before DS was born. DS is now 8 with two parents who love him very much even though they are not a couple and never will be. By all means give it your best shot OP, but don't feel you have to stay in a couple-relationship with this man if you have his child and he then turns out to be an unsuitable partner. If he is a nice man but just not right for you then he will be a nice co-parent.

My BF found out she was pg 6 weeks after she got together with her (now) DH. 14 years later they are still blissful. They both say that in many ways it was the best way to do it because they didnt have to go through the transition of going from a couple with no responsibilities to parents and all the problems that can cause. Another couple I know were together almost 20 years and married for most of that, but split less than a year after having a baby as they (well the husband if I am honest) couldnt deal with the change in their relationship.

Congratulations :)

Sorry that should say that she found out she was 6 weeks pg when she had been with him 2 months.

Congratulations! When I got pregnant with DS, DP and I weren't even a couple, and we lived in different countries!

Nearly 5 years later we're looking forward to the arrival of DC2 in 3 months (planned this time!) and are very happy.

I can't promise you it will work out between the two of you, but I can absolutely promise it's possible.

Getting to know a new partner while pregnant was an interesting experience! I hadn't realised how much I'd relied on alcohol to give me confidence at the beginning of a relationship till I had to do it sober!

My husband and I had only been together 6 months when I got pregnant completely unplanned. We have been together 10 years now and I'm pregnant with child number 3 :-)
Our relationship was pretty spontaneous until our son was born and we decided to buy a place together and live as a family, I don't know why but its worked.

My story is a little unusual. I met DH when he was in the UK on holiday, a few weeks later he was back in Australia. 4 months after initially meeting I went to Australia for a few weeks, we got engaged and I emigrated 5 months later. Within three months we were expecting DS. We got married when I was 10 weeks pregnant.
So whilst we had 'been together' about 11 months when we got pregnant, we hadn't spent much time together at all realistically.
DS is now 20 months old and we are expecting DC2. I can honestly say I feel very blessed. My DH, DS and future DD are my world. I stumbled across a very good man, our relationship is pretty easy but I also know that I want to be in this relationship for the rest of our lives. And to do that we make an effort. Money is pretty tight so extravagant gestures are out, and we don't have babysitters on tap, so it's the thoughtful small things.

I had been with my partner for five weeks when I found out I was pregnant. Complete shock. He said he would support me.

DS is now three. We split up when he was 18 months old - we are still friends, I get on wonderfully with his family, have a new DP... Frankly, we were never designed for each other, upon reflection. We get on much better now than we did in the last few months together!

I know you said you only wanted 'happy ever after' posts, but firstly, I do consider this a success story; I have an amazing DS, who gets on very well with his dad, even if they don't live together. And we have managed to maintain a family dynamic that means the three of us can still spend time together despite being separated. All three of us went to exPs parents for Christmas, and had a lovely time.

And I also wanted to say that is okay if things don't work out the way you want them to. I was so desperate for us to be a happy family, especially because the pregnancy was such a surprise, and wanted to prove everyone wrong. Really I should have ended things a long while before I finally did. So don't let the completely understandable desire for everything to be perfect hang over you if you find down the line that things aren't working.

We have a brilliant set up. And whilst it might not be conventional or perfect, I think it is important to hear that even if things don't work out the way you both imagine and want them to, they can still be good :)

Best of luck.

Another one here. Got pregnant with ds four months into relationship. He's now 2.6 and dd is six weeks old she will not sleep tho. Dp is brill and we still do get on brilliantly. Just goes to show there are decent blokes out there having been in an awful marriage previously. Good luck with pregnancy and if there's one thing I've learnt it's always talk and be honest be with each other. From one who learnt the hard way.

Oinky We never considered it wasn't the right thing. In the short time we had been together before we knew we just felt this was it and we would get married etc - I had only just split up with XH but we just felt it was right.

JLowe You do sound similar to us, if you feel the relationship was going to work out anyway it is likely that it will do regardless. In the 7 weeks we did not know I was pregnant we did all sorts of crazy spontanious stuff and had great fun. I was 25 and DH was 38 but he had never really settled down at all before as did ltos of travelling.

I think one of the nice things is that now we have the DCs and they are a bit older we still go out when we can and have weekends away on our own to ensure we have that important time just us, we have never really settled into a boring routine etc and maybe that is because things have been full on from the very beginning. We are very committed to our DCs of course but it is important for us to have time together too.

The fact he hasn't run a mile is always a good sign but in all seriousness I do agree with what others have mentioned. Treat the relationship in the same way as you would if you weren't pregnant as much as possible and be honest with each other.

I also know people that have got pregnant early and if they hadn't they probably wouldn't have been together a month later let alone years but the fact that you have no doubts about your relationship so far is a good sign.