Pregnant early in relationships- how can I make it work?

[JLowe13]

I've just found out I'm pregnant. I'm 26 and have been seeing my boyfriend for only 3 months and have just found out I'm pregnant (we were v careful so complete surprise).

I am going ahead with the pregnancy and hes said he'll support me. Things have been great between us and I really think we would have worked out long term. But I can't see how we are going to keep such a new relationship going with all this to contend with. Up until now it's all been about fun and spontaneity.

I've browsed a few threads and seen there are a few of you who've been in similar situations and have made it work - but how??? I just can't imagine at the moment how we can progress our relationship with such a big thing happening at the same time.

Any advice? Success stories only please - I really need positive thoughts at the moment.

Also should I have posted this on the pregnancy bit - wasnt quite sure which was more appropriate.

Thank you!

In 3 years I met and married DH, had DD and DS and moved house twice. Still happy 20 years later

Thank you all for taking the time to respond - it's lovely to hear some success stories and to know it can work.

Being open and honest about everything seems to be a running theme and making the effort to make the relationship work.

If it comes to it I do think I could do it on my own and he is a decent man from a decent family so hopefully worst case scenario we'd be co-parenting but not living together.

Thank you all again - I really appreciate that people I don't know would take the time to help and boost my morale!

I was pregnant early into the relationship too.

Not together anymore, but that's o.k. It worked out best for all 3 of us

I fell pregnant with DS when I'd only been with DP for less than 6 months. Nearly didn't go through with having him but in the end, decided that even if things didn't work out with me and DP (which I thought would be a miracle based only on the amount of time we'd been together) I'd still be happy to raise DS on my own.

Happily, we are still together and are expecting (planned this time) DC2!

I have been with my boyfriend 3 months, although I feel as if I've been with him sooo much longer! We have moved in together and have talked about starting a family, I am very worried that it's too early to start I am 21 as is he & he already has a 1 year old. I was just wondering if your relationship continued? Did anything change? Hope all is well! Xx

Aw huge congratulations! Lovely news.

Me and husband met and not long fell pregnant, fast forward 10 years and were still annoying loving each other.

Same with my bil and sil, they were pregnant within a month or 2!! Married etc now.

Whoops!! Really need to stop commenting on old posts 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think the problem with pregnancy early in a relationship is you haven't had a chance to see what kind of person he is really. People can hide so much for even a year or more (abusive ex was perfect for first year for example).

But if he's a good person, and you're a good person there's no reason why it can't work. I would just try to talk lots, get to know each other, not focus solely on the baby, respect each other. Hopefully you won't discover something that is a deal breaker as you get to know each other.

Good luck!

Congratulations and good luck!! Im in similar position. Im in a professional job, met my boyfriend on holiday 2 1/2 months ago and fell in love really quickly and it was all v intense. Im 36 so open to having a baby but assumed with my age it would take longer so wasnt always careful....we r financially secure, well he certainly is.
However, we live in 2 diff countries within the UK and before u found out this week that i was pregnant, i had had anxiety for a couple weeks, terrified that id fallen in and out of love quickly, unsure that my feelings were still as strong 4 him and on the verge of ending it at times. I also felt overwhelmed at all the major change involved in marrying him...moving to England, losing my job etc.
Hes really supportive and committed, says hes never doubted his feelings 4 me but asked me if im sure about him.....he says he wants us to get married and be a family. I def want to have this baby and feel relatively confident about doing it alone if i had to.
My issue is that im so scared that my feelings may have changed towards him and i want more than anything to b a happy family but i dont know if im in love with him like i was when we met....i cant even understand why because he is the most clever, caring, warm, funny, confident and successful guy ive ever met and hes young and handsome and we have always had good chemistry.....He is very full on and a little bit clingy/needy - like constantly hugging me and asking me when im moving to england and telling me he loves me......which is lovely but i fear it may have put me off a bit b4 i found out.
I dont want to go ahead with this if im not sure about him and i dont want to hurt him if it doesnt work out. I would always want the child to have relationship with each of us but i think he wants the perfect family or not at all....his worst fear is a broken home and being an absent father...
Im so scared and confused but also excited. This is a blessing i just want he and i to work out
Sorry for rant, i freak out in mornings then im fine later in day!

Make sure he's prepared for the hormones and potential postnatal depression, because my "new" partner wasn't and now I'm a single mother to a baby and ge moved onto a better, easier woman.

I met my DP when I was 37 and was not planning kids. We met in June and I found out in October I was pregnant.

He's exceedingly family oriented. Its a massive part of his culture. He was brilliant with my children. Still. I cried for a month. If I'd had a termination, he'd probably have left.

He told me in one of my sobbing bouts that if I didn't want the child, he'd prefer me to have it and he's raise it on his own.

I had our son July the following year. He's a fantastic father, and a brilliant partner. He truthfully couldn't be any better.

It's hard, you're parents before you're anything else to each other. But I do not regret my/our decision. He always treated me well. No red flags, heart on his sleeve, stubborn Maori man. He's had my back in some seriously shitty circumstances, more so than anyone I've known longer, including my family.

I have a friend who got pregnant 7 weeks into a relationship, whilst they lived in different cities and he was working there during the week. They didn't live together until she was 7 months pregnant, she moved in with him as he had a stable job and she'd just finished an MA so was only temp work. They rented for the first year together, but planned their second when the first was only 9 months old, and have recently bought a house together. They're very happy and just happen to have been very compatible and their relationship works. It was hard to start with as her partner had to delay a planned work move abroad and there was a few weeks when he was deciding what to do, but they both committed to parenting their child and the rest fell into place.

My bf and I have been together for 5 months, we are both very stubborn so have had our fair share of arguments, but we are crazy about each other and are dedicated to making it work. Except a week ago I found out I was pregnant (I was on birth control so this came as a total shock).

I am 38 and he is 41, since the beginning we have been very clear on wanting a family. But now that I am pregnant he is freaking out. He doesn't stop trying to convince me to have an abortion and says all of his family and friends think I am crazy for wanting to have this baby.

The other day we got into a fight and he told me to choose between him or the baby, I packed my things up and left and we haven't spoken since. I love him so much but I refuse to kill my baby. My mom says he is in shock and to give him time to think. I just wanted to see if anyone has been in this situation and if their partner had a change of heart, because I am so scared to have to raise this baby on my own.

Unfortuantely only 3 months ago you don't know each other well enough to know if you should stay together. You might have a good feeling, but to be fair at 3 months relationships are still in the romance / falling in to bed / dates / showing your best side to each other phase. There is no way of forecasting how you two will get on long term.

So my advice would be, just keep an eye on the relationship, and be honest with yourselves and each other if it isn't working.

My relative got pregnant 3 months in to a r'ship just the same. They stayed together for about 20 years in the end, but when they split both admitted they wouldn't have lasted 6 months if they hadn't been expecting a baby. Neither of then regret their much-loved child, but both felt they'd wasted 20 years on the wrong person.

Spend lots of time together while you're pregnant, do lots of fun couples things and unique experiences. Do you have good family support? If so, and if you make it a priority, there's no reason you won't be able to spend time together 1-1 after little one arrives. Also, the newborn phase was so so lovely for me and my husband. I know it's not that way for everyone (which is totally normal and ok) but we were just so happy and in love with our baby and in love with each other it was like a dream. People like to talk a lot about how hard a new baby is.... it isn't always! Or there are some hard bits, or at least new and different things you have to learn how to do, but the joy and the love really can totally knock you over. Good luck OP, best wishes.

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE 🧟‍♀️

Why are people responding to and reviving a thread that’s 10 years old?!?? The kid has long since been born and probably in year 7 now!!

Hello, I have a question concerning the determination of paternity and influence of ex partners on our current pregnancy.
Actually I have read a research paper that disturbed me a bit and I have been stress thinking about this topic a lot lately.
my husband and I separated for a while and during this break we had encounters with other people. My husband and I are white and I have had encounters with an African American man. I ended those encounters and got back together with my husband, after a year of being back together exclusively and only having encounters with one another, I go through an operation to remove an ovarian polyp that was an obstacle for us to get pregnant, a week after removing this polyp I get pregnant.
knowing that the contact has been completely eliminated with the person I encountered and that I have been exclusive with my husband for a year, I am sure he is the father of our baby. However after reading the research (which I am not sure if it is reliable) I am panicking thinking that maybe the sperm from the ex partner lingered in my body for a year due to the polyp (or other) making him the biological father or maybe affecting the baby’s genetics?
I know it is not a logical question, however, I am very disturbed by this research I read and would like to make sure: if you have been with only one person for an entire year and you are sure he was the only person you were having physical contact with since a year now, are we sure that he will be the biological father? Does sperm linger in our bodies for a year? Does DNA from ex partners affect our baby’s genetics? Thank you so much for baring with me.

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