Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Dumped, and in need of perspective

50 replies

kateissotired · 03/01/2013 18:22

I was dumped a month ago and it came from nowhere. We were really happy, and I did not see the signs. He has been unemployed for a while and a family member is very ill. He wants to be friends and I am gutted. This sounds trivial but my head has gone.

OP posts:

AppearingDignified · 03/01/2013 18:24

Hugs to you. It is bloody miserable, but this too shall pass. Do you have friends around that you can see and take your mind off things?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 03/01/2013 18:24

How long were you together?

Original poster

kateissotired · 03/01/2013 18:25

We were together a couple of years. I am trying to make plans and ignoring the 'let's go for a drink and talk' texts

OP posts:

SoleSource · 03/01/2013 18:30

Friends or friends with benefits??

Original poster

kateissotired · 03/01/2013 18:31

Friends I imagine. I really did not see the signs on this one. He has form for disappearing when depressed for a few days

OP posts:

tzella · 03/01/2013 18:31

Don't be friends with him until you've over him

SoleSource · 03/01/2013 18:33

Do not sleep with him is my advice. For me petsonally I could never be friends with my exesso far..

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/01/2013 18:43

Listen carefully.... 'friends' don't shit on other friends from a great height. He's either trying to kid himself that he's a good bloke really and there's no hard feelings... or... he thinks you're vulnerable, desperate and he can get a shag out of it. Either way, find other people to have a drink and a talk with. People who actually like you.

izzyizin · 03/01/2013 18:50

Although you may not believe it at the moment, you're better off without him.

If he cannot appreciate your finer points it's his loss, honey.

As nature abhors a vacuum, you'll soon find that any gap created by his absence will be filled with far more productive pursuits than hanging around waiting for some unreliable arse bloke to get his act together.

This man doesn't enhance your life. Ignore his texts/calls and get busy living life as it's meant to be lived - with verve and joy.

Original poster

kateissotired · 03/01/2013 18:53

Thanks all, yes the way he did it was pretty vile, then after a couple of weeks, is wanting to be 'great friends'. He has been very depressed recently and withdrawn which was very draining

OP posts:

AppearingDignified · 03/01/2013 18:57

You're not married to him. You have your own (one) life. Get out there and live it and find a relationship that enhances your life.

Might listen to my own advice one day !

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/01/2013 19:08

Another really good lesson to take forward into the rest of your life.... avoid 'depressed' men like the plague. Realise depression is a nasty medical condition that can strike anyone any time blah, blah, blah... but it can also be a very handy excuse for a selfish types that like messing people around and never taking responsibility for their behaviour.

Original poster

kateissotired · 03/01/2013 19:21

Thank you all, I just in the wallowing, gutted, wtf phase

OP posts:

bumhead · 03/01/2013 20:33

Katie please listen to this lot, especially Izzy and Cog. They talk a lot of sense and I wish I'd had them and this place when I've had various break ups in the past.
You will be fine, I promise you this. And one day you will look back and thank fuck that this guy dumped you! It really is his loss.

Original poster

kateissotired · 03/01/2013 20:36

Yes, I am between thinking it will all be fixed and fabulous, and, what a spineless fucking baby who vanishes when things get a bit crappy. Which is better than I was a month ago

OP posts:

bumhead · 03/01/2013 20:43

It takes time, one day at a time.
Before you know it a whole day will have past and you won't even think about the toss-bag and to be honest he doesn't deserve your thoughts any way.
Please don't try and be friends with this guy. He is not your friend. He is your ex. As someone else said, your friends wouldn't treat you this badly.

izzyizin · 03/01/2013 20:47

I'm with Cog. Living with a depressive pesonality is draaaiNING, which is why I'd never do it

A good old-fashioned wallow followed by that from AD, a box of Belgian chocs, and an uplifitng movie (I recommend Don Juan De Marco which paired the incomparable Marlon Brando with the divine Mr Depp) should see you in better spirits.

As for being 'gutted', that's for fish and you're best advised to throw the -self-aborbed tiddler out with th trash-- back and get baiting your hook for a catch that's worth having.

Original poster

kateissotired · 03/01/2013 20:50

I just want to be there now. I feel very fucking foolish, and whiny.

OP posts:

izzyizin · 03/01/2013 20:51

Strike through fail coupled with spelling error

'throw the self-absorbed tiddler' - as in self-entitled, self-centred, and selfish bellend.

Life's far too short to waste it on plonkers, honey.

izzyizin · 03/01/2013 20:53

No pain, no gain. It's a learning curve; get through this one and you'll get through any more knobs that may come your way a helluva lot quicker. I've got it down to a matter of minutes

Original poster

kateissotired · 03/01/2013 20:54

Very fucking draining, I became his carer almost. I never got a 'how was your day', when I was stressed, I just got an update on how he was feeling

OP posts:

izzyizin · 03/01/2013 21:08

Am I the only one who can derive pleasure being lovelorn?

It's an opportunity to revel in the poignancy of shattered dreams and marvel at the bittersweet taste of unreciprocated love. What would poets and dramatists and novelists do without it?

Pay due heed to your fragile state and treat yourself gently. Eat comfort foods and have soft boiled eggs and soldiers for supper. Indulge yourself. and give thanks for brilliant timing - the sales are on!

izzyizin · 03/01/2013 21:11

You fraud, you! You're all but over him aleady You go, gal - karma'll sort him and you can save your pity for the next poor cah who gets your cast offs

Original poster

kateissotired · 03/01/2013 21:21

I am certainly better than I was, writing it down has helped. And I get to spend my money on me

OP posts:

izzyizin · 03/01/2013 21:33

Jeez, no knob dictating terms and you get to spend your money on yourself? What a result! Shame you didn't dump him a couple of years ago.

Flip

1 2