Dumped, and in need of perspective

[kateissotired]

I was dumped a month ago and it came from nowhere. We were really happy, and I did not see the signs. He has been unemployed for a while and a family member is very ill. He wants to be friends and I am gutted. This sounds trivial but my head has gone.

[kateissotired]

True, I am winning already really I suppose. I need to get my plans in place so I do not sit and panic about being rejected. Thank you for your advice, you are spot on

[kateissotired]

True, I am winning already really I suppose. I need to get my plans in place so I do not sit and panic about being rejected. Thank you for your advice, you are spot on

[izzyizin]

In the grand scheme of things, you win some and you lose some, honey.

What you had was man who wasn't worth winning and losing him can only be a bonus blessing in disguise.

See it for what it is which is valuable lesson in not compromising your personality or your integrity to keep suit a man.

You know the saying you have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince? Much as I'm fond of the little creatures in rl, in storybook terms he was a warty old frog who's best not touched with a bargepole left alone on his lilypad.

There's no guarantee that the next one, or the one after that, won't be horny toads frogs too but if they reject you, heave a sigh of relief because it means you're that much nearer to finding a prince among frogs men.

Or a froggy princeling as the case may be. Which reminds me I've been looking to fill a vacancy for a Scandinavian fwb. Maybe I should hop across the channel for a dalliance with a Gallic charmer while I'm waiting for a suitable Viking to put in an appearance?

[kateissotired]

I have just booked a holiday and deleted his number. Onwards

[likeatonneofbricks]

izzy, you are positive;y on top form this eve

It's an opportunity to revel in the poignancy of shattered dreams and marvel at the bittersweet taste of unreciprocated love. What would poets and dramatists and novelists do without it?
marvellous!

Ooh Gallic charm is so much It than Scandi sportyness , and hte accent - no comparison imo , I mean, appreciate what you have!

[likeatonneofbricks]

well done OP, change of scenery and new faces is what you need.

[izzyizin]

You've convinced me, tonne. Eurotunnel here I come

[jynier]

Aaw OP! Best wishes, x

[izzyizin]

So where you off to for your hols, kate? Somewhere hot and steamy warm and sunny? And when do you depart?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

"I never got a 'how was your day', when I was stressed, I just got an update on how he was feeling "

I hear ya sister!!! See..... not so much 'depression' there, more 'selfish introspection and utter lack of empathy'.

[kateissotired]

I am off to New York in March for a few days, never been before as he was not working so could not afford it.

Cogit, I am beginning to see that. There is withdrawn and ill with depression and then there is selfishness. He was the latter. Especially disappearing for days because he needed to be on his own.

[bumhead]

Kate you are well rid!

New York sounds fantastic and just the thing to blow the old cobwebs away! I'm jealous, I've never been!
You never know, you might meet a gorgeous New Yorker on your trip, and end up moving there! The worlds your oyster now!

Exciting times!!

[tzella]

Oh Kate! NYC! I've always wanted to go. I dumped a terrible bloke two days ago & have deleted his number and am ready to go onwards and upwards but unfortunately can't afford to This is due to the nature of his terribleness; how WE spent MY money I'm an idiot but hey, life goes on

Actually, weirdly, one thing of his I forgot to pack and give back was a dollar bill he got from somewhere which is wedged into the sitting room mirror Must be a sign.

[kateissotired]

Tzella, that is what we did, spent my cash. I am looking forward to the change of scenery and it feels like a huge relief not to check my phone to see if he has called.

[tzella]

I think my change of scene will be visiting friends in the coast by £1 megabus

I'm not checking my phone because I know he's so stubborn he won't contact me, and this time I will not be contacting him. After a few break ups over the last year it was always me asking for him back but this time I feel nothing.

Best wishes for a wonderful 2013

[kateissotired]

And you. I have stopped looking at my phone as for the last 6 months he did not text or call, it was always me. What a chump. Well, not anymore!

[heyelp]

Oh Kate and tzella - you are both well rid! New York - wow! He didn't text or call for 6 months!!! He spent your money. He didn't ask how you were...ever. He went AWOL??? Well rid.

Now go and see the world and leave him wallowing! Go girls!

[headforthemoon]

Kate and tzella

Me too - another one who's been dumped by a man who needed to be alone for days; spent my money; always talked about himself and had little interest in me, even when I was going through crap and thought I really needed him. WTF was I thinking of?

But I'm surviving very well -I'm going to reestablish my social life, join things, do things, stop being held back by a tosser.

We're all going to be fine

[kateissotired]

He called tonight because we have a mutual party tomorrow, he does not to upset me but he is bringing someone else. Fucker

[AppearingDignified]

Twat. Well rid. Do you feel strong enough to go? Will your mates be cool and help you out?

What. A. Twat.

[MaureenMitten]

I was dumped at the begining of the year. He too had form for disappearing for days due to "depression". He too was fond of telling me all his troubles and rarely chose to enquire about my situation which was far more shit than his

I still very occasionally marvel at how he (scum of the earth) could dump me (superior being), but I'm so glad he did. I'm rid of him draining arse and life is good.

You'll be fine too - move on.

[MadeMan]

OP, if he's depressed then perhaps he feels he doesn't deserve you and so maybe he dumped you as a way of self harming himself. A cry for help/attention? Not every man is willing to just open up about their innermost feelings naturally.

Sometimes when we feel shitty we push away the people we love and we hurt them the most. Strange, but it can be true.

I'm not making excuses for him necessarily, just offering another possible point of view that may explain his behaviour. Of course, people with recurring depression can be very hard work and tiring to be around, so I can understand the suggestions of moving on with your life and forgetting about him; nobody wants to be a long term emotional crutch.

[MadeMan]

Oops, hadn't realised this was an old resurrected thread.

Everyone's probably well moved on by now.