Does this constitute messing me around?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I've been chatting to someone on a dating website over Christmas; weve been getting on so well, calling etc and only just had the opportunity to meet due to Christmas. Date was lovely and we chatted away as usual. Ended with a lovely hug.
Trouble is our situation has complications inclusing the fact that he wants to go travelling. After the date he said he liked me, we have chemistry and I am attractive, intelligent and funny but he really needs to find a travelling companion. I can't be that person as I have dd. I knew he was off travelling at some point but why do I feel so sad. It is never enough to be 'attractive, intelligent and funny ' is it? The timing has to be right.
We both said that we are really glad taht we met though and we left things well. I don't think I could stay friends though as tbh I like him quite a lot more than just friends.

I think this is the problem with not meeting someone soon enough; too much of a bond can be made etc.

Without wishing to rain on your parade, do you think the 'travelling' thing was actually his get out of jail free card if it turned out he didn't fancy you after all?

Mabe. It could be...oh well. Back to the drawing board!

To be fair to him he does say on his site that he dosn't really know what he wants.

He doesn't owe you a relationship or even a second date. He wants to go travelling. I fail to see why you think he has done anything wrong.

I don't think that it's fair of him to say there was a spark if he dosn't fancy me though; was probably trying to soften the blow!

Sounds to me like a gentle let-down.

No he hasn't really done anything wrong. I just feel kind of sad as I was enjoying the friendship side of things but now that has to end as I think I like him to much to be just good friends; unless I meet someone else. We genuinely talk for hours. i've even told him some dating websites for girls who want to travel!

He has made it clear he wants to go travelling and probably wants a fling before he goes on his travels.

For reference "doesnt know what he wants" "too messed up for a relationship" etc all = "i want guilt free sex and you have no right to ask for more because I warned you"

I think he's setting the bar unnecessarily high myself - why does a partner have to want to do everything he does? Would a LTR for a while be out of the question? - but it's his choice. I also thought it was possibly a get out of jail card.

I would concentrate on meeting other men and say that you would like to stay in touch and hear about his travels, but don't spend ages on him or put yourself out or him now - he's made his priorities clear.

Actually he told me before we met that he dosn't want a fling as he gets too emotionally envolved after sex and he dosn't want either of us to get hurt. Ok; it's his get out of jail free card but he was lovely about it. Another major bone of contention was that he was reluctant to date a mum as he had done so before but he felt bad for the kid when it ended and he wasn't sure what his role was. He's a decent bloke really. I'm fond of him but time to move on.

In my experience dating sites consist mostly of attached men looking for extra marital 'fun' and guys looking for NSA sex, its quite rare to find a genuine, decent guy on there who actually wants a relationship

Its not the place I'd go to find an OH, mind you given my cheating XH maybe I should have considered it before marrying him

I think you're investing too much emotionally into someone you've met only once and never even kissed.

Hes on a dating website - he probably dates lots of women from it. A desire to go travelling rarely defeats true love.

I have seen it with a lot of my friends. A bloke says he really likes them but doesnt want to sleep with them because he is not sure what he wants and doesnt want them to get hurt. They say it is ok they know what they are getting into etc etc. They sleep together, he fucks off, guilt free because he warned her

I can see it from his point of view - I plan to move abroad in the summer but have just met someone I really like. (Well, I've known him for a while but things have developed over Christmas.)

I do really like him but at the same time I feel that right at the outset I need to make it clear that I really intend to move, and therefore am not in the market for any sort of relationship. I suppose an "ideal" situation would be to enjoy spending time with each other until I go, but as you've said, it's hard to not develop feelings.

I'm going out with him tomorrow night, so will set my stall out and see what he wants to do. It may well fizzle out before the summer anyway!

baremadness oh yes, actually, you've nailed it...

I'm no way going to sleep with him. Can't anyway if there's no second date. Humph; this dating thing is a right hassle isn't it?

Mind you, plenty of women are actually not desperate for commitment perfectly happy to have sex with a man and never see him again. Why should anyone feel guilty about having sex with someone when you have made it clear that you are not offering a relationship and the other person has said, OK, that's fine?

If you are the person who wants a relationship to develop because you've had sex with someone, stop fibbing and pretending you're OK with it when you're not.

ok i'm not because i really enjoyed his 'friendship' and now we can't really go there because on one side at least it has developed into something more.

Hi again. he texted me to tell me that f ever I 'needed' to talk then I could text him...which on the surface of it seems sweet but what are we supposed to talk about? How much I like him but how it could never work. Ive told him we probably shouldn't chat for quite some time as we go round in circles.

That sounds to me like he's angling for the possibility of an evening out that might develop into something more, safe in the knowledge that he's already told you he's not up for a relationship. I think you're doing the best thing to reply politely but without going along with these suggestions. I would reply less and less often/promptly if he keeps doing it as well. Just move him gently to the back burner.

Hmmm I don't think he's even after a shag..I offered to come and visit him on Saturday night but he turned it down as we ''would both gte hurt''. Oh well.. onwards and upwards. No point analysing. He was quite sweet about letting me down compared to some men. It dosn't really help when they are sweet though does it; it's far easier to hate em if they are bastards. Nice to know that there are still gentlemen out there; even if they are not that into me!

I think the reason why I feel a bit wierd is that he called me a lot when he was alone at Christmas and New Year; I kind of felt like he was lonely and needed an emotional crux. Not healthy I know but I liked him and my heart went out to him. Not sure I could be with someone who hates Christmas anyway. Must stop over analysing and flogging dead horses Bridget Jones Style!

Yes: stop overanalysing and clutching at straws. This man is Not That Into You, basically. In future, make sure you exchange messages and go on dates with lots of different men so you don't get hung up on any particular one before he's given any indication that he might actually be up for a longterm relationship with you. However, if you are desperate for a life partner and therefore hoping every single man who says 'Hello' on a dating site is going to be The One then frankly you need to stop dating and get a good, happy, full, single life for yourself sorted out first. Because women who are desperate tend to put off the nice men but also to be an absolute magnets for horrible ones.