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Original poster

should I respond to toxic postcard?

40 replies

givemeaclue · 01/01/2013 16:51

back story - posted on here earlier in the year re issues with toxic and unreasonable DM. Took advice from mnetters re travel arrangements for my Mother to see my dcs, she hasn't seen them since March since I told her she was responsible for making her own arrangements to see them i.e I would not be doing the paying/travelling/arranging etc.

On xmas day, dcs left a message on her phone in morning to say happy christmas and thanks for presents. tried again in evening - not in. assumed was at her DP's (same sex couple) so I dialled the number for her, gave phone to dcs, not sure who answered but DC1 had a chat and then when it was DC2 turn, a quick hello but DM's xmas dinner was ready so she dialled off. She called on boxing day morning and spoke to them both again.

2 days later got a postcard from DM's DP saying it was insensitive to phone her house and to never dial her number again.

Have ignored.

Am narked by this as DM wants to have the dcs to stay with her for 4-5 nights this year, they won't have seen her for a year and she will be relying on her DP to help her out as she has a bad back. Yet her Dp objects to them phoning her on xmas day??!!

should i carry on ignoring or should I respond?

thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
givemeaclue · 01/01/2013 16:54

Backstory

backstory here

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 01/01/2013 16:55

Good grief. How can a phone call from grandchildren be insensitive?

And on a postcard?

I think I would ignore on the grounds that it sounds too stupid to acknowledge.

DontmindifIdo · 01/01/2013 16:55

Ignore. The DP sounds just as bad. You are well shut of them.

DontmindifIdo · 01/01/2013 16:56

BTW - it will annoy them more if you do ignore it, DP will be expecting a response, either an apology or angry responce, but a response. They will be wondering if you got it....

Flossiechops · 01/01/2013 17:05

I remember your original op, your a better person than me because I would have cut all contact a long time ago. If your dc are as important to your mother as you thought they were then she would/should get in touch. I would walk away I wouldn't want my dc in that environment

Doha · 01/01/2013 17:17

Ignore and do not contact again.

2013 New Year New start...end this toxic relationship

FlipFlopFloss · 01/01/2013 17:21

Please tell me you are not going to send your kids to stay with these people??

I would ignore the postcard - they will be itching to know if you ever received it. They wont ever know for sure - they have simply handed over to you the higher hand in this situation.

Reaa · 01/01/2013 17:49

I would just ignore, have similar situation, FIL has met younger GC once and has never met our DD 5 as we no long do the 2 hour car journey to see him, we used to go once a month with the older ones, have told him a number of times he welcome here but so far he has not bothered and we ended up with abusive phone calls telling my DH I was going to get my throat slit etc for stopping the journeys to his! Don't want someone as nasty as that in my children's lives but DH does feel guilty about our children not seeing him, we had to change our phone numbers to stop the abuse! Sorry rant over.....

Reaa · 01/01/2013 17:50

And no don't bother to reply Smile

LunaticFringe · 01/01/2013 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
givemeaclue · 01/01/2013 20:05

Thanks all. Any suggestions as to what to say next time dm emails re her "plans" to see the dcs?

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 01/01/2013 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecatePropolos · 01/01/2013 20:08

Scan in the postcard and email it back with the words "I think not."

MustafaCake · 01/01/2013 20:09

Do not let your DC stay with these vile people.

They'll use it as an opportunity to do more game playing.

Kione · 01/01/2013 20:10

I would tell her about her DP telling you not to call the house because its insensitive so that sending DC there makes no sense?

runningforthebusinheels · 01/01/2013 20:15

Scan in the postcard and email back with the words "I think not."

^This.

Original poster
givemeaclue · 01/01/2013 20:23

Dh chucked it away. Dm will know all about the postcard and will have supported sending it

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 01/01/2013 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snowmummy · 01/01/2013 20:40

I don't get how you can encourage a relationship between her and your DCs, when you don't see her fit to have a relationship with. That aside, I'd have words with her about the postcard and explain that that is the sort of behaviour that precludes a half decent relationship with either you or your family.

financialwizard · 01/01/2013 20:44

Ignore it, and under no circumstances send your Dc's to stay with her.

Lindt70Percent · 01/01/2013 20:45

I agree with FlipFlopFloss. Ignore and don't send the children to stay with them either. If they can't cope with a phone call on Xmas day then they won't cope with the children visiting either.

lunar1 · 01/01/2013 20:45

I remember your thread, no way would I be sending them.

bamboostalks · 01/01/2013 20:50

Honestly, just totally ignore and ignore all future overtures. Toxic is an understatement, she's poisonous. Break away.

LemonBreeland · 01/01/2013 20:54

I remember your story too. I agree that your dc do not need a relationship with this woman. You will be doing them a favour if you cut contact completely.

When she emails ignore. Or even better block her email address so you don't have to read anything she sends you.

tribpot · 01/01/2013 21:02

Ridiculous as it sounds, I would get the postcard back and scan it. Otherwise she can deny it ever having happened.

Equally you are never going to win with her anyway, I'd just want the satisfaction of having the evidence when it comes down to it. Why do you even have her DP's number if you're not allowed to call it?