The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New Year? So, Let's Go Up A Gear!

[ChristMouseTimeMistletoeNoWine]

Hello, tis me, Mouse (normally Mouseface but I'm wearing my festive name )

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, to a place of solace, support and sanctuary, if that's what you seek of course. It's also a Bus full of bloomin' chatterboxes, waffling on about life, love and all things from school reports to laundry!

The journey into 2013 is going to be an ass kicking one as we're moving up a gear to give the WineWitch a bloody good slapping, and the BoozeBeast a kick in the bollo.............

Some of us drink in moderation, some of us drink. Some of us are sober, some of us are trying so very, very hard to be.

Some of us have been dry for days, weeks, months and some of us years...... some of us are just starting out and are scared of what stopping drinking means. It's not forever, it's just for today if that's what you want.

We have a saying on the Bus One Day At A Time. Or ODAAT

Take each moment, each day and each blip as it comes. The support on this Bus has kept me from ruining my life time and time again. The experiences of others shared here has helped me to change the way I see alcohol, the way I see what it does to me.

Although some Babes have been here a while and kind of 'know' each other, we all have different lives, different roles to play, different places to sit on the Bus, but we ALL have or have had abusive relationships with alcohol and we're here because we want that to change; for the better.

Everyone is welcome here so don't be afraid to just jump right in and say hi. Post as much or as little as you like!

So, come say hi, grab a seat, an eggnog (non alcoholic of course ) and a mince pie, or chocolate chip cookie, and meet some lovely, genuine people who are just like YOU.

Also, HERE IS THE PREVIOUS THREAD with a link in the OP to the first ever thread, and the reason why after more than two and a half years, this thread is still here, supporting those in need.

Green No need to apologise Sweetpea. You haven't hogged the bus and it's nice to be able to re-pay some of the support you've given to us in the past.

Shame about the awful smell in here?!

PS Have been really good and not bothered to contact the (re-named) Tasteless Farmer. Deep sigh.....

Morning babes! Well I'm showered and up and about - feeling pretty dreadful still and have just cancelled hospital appointment this morning as I can't face it. Lots of pain around midrift, hoping IBS and gastritis and not my organs screaming out in booze pain!

Still self loathing and feeling very despondent today though will try to achieve something workwise and housework wise so that I am not still beating myself up with a stick later!

Feel calm and. Confident about the booze today - it's all up to me I can just stop it (with the help of my bus babes!) koti can you report back if you go to a smart online meeting - I'm going to check out the website in more detail today and see whether I can print off the exercises featured in the video.

Have a great day babes - hope work is okay for those returning today xx

ma how did you sleep? If I get out today I'm going to get some nytol as tiredness I'd the biggest trigger for me x

Morning Green, glad you are feeling a little better. Good luck with the rest of the day Lovely. And I so know what you mean about tiredness being a trigger, puts you on the back foot before you even start the day. Hope the pains subside.

Feeling quite down today. Tasteless Farmer has not been in touch but has been back on the dating site in the last 24 hours Why can't these people be honest? It's not that I'm pining for him but more that I'm worried about my own judgement in men people - I thought he was a decent sort but I was wrong, again! I'm not 'desperately seeking' but it would be nice to have someone to go through life with. Single parent life is pretty lonely sometimes. Ho hum. Maybe I'll just buy 20 felines and be the mad cat lady of my village!

Feeling teary. xx

Just re-read the above. It does smack, a bit, of desperation but really - I'm not, just a tad disappointed in life. Was mostly single for over 7 years before and coped well. Just at a low point but don't worry, I won't settle. xx

yawn what a shit of a night. Going to try some of those sleeping tab thingies until I can break the pattern. I recognise this part - stop drinking, dont sleep, wake up feeling like boiled shite with splitting headache and think " well if not drinking feels this bad, might as well drink!" Hope I really am on the road to Boing land - feels like the road to hell at the mo!
green today is a new day. It will be better than yesterday
purple maybe tasty farmer is just a bit shy? But, i agree with not forcing it, if he's not for you, he's not for you. The grass is always greener on the other side anyway - I would love to be single again. You can have my DH if you want?

Morning ladies. Hope you all have a good day. I went to football yesterday and me and dh had a few pints then we got a takeaway. Something many people do on New Years Day, but I feel disgusted with myself plus I have gastritis now. Guess I have used up my lifetimes booze allowance.

Green - hope you are feeling better lovey. Really felt for you yesterday, that has been me so many times. The self loathing is the worst. But Its a New Year, we will get there together.

Koala - what you have done is amazing. You are an inspiration!

Right, time to get going and put the Xmas booze to the back of the cupboard. Meal out with in laws tonight then that is me off the booze one day at a time again.

Thanks 2013 for the link to SMART. Looks interesting, I think I will join online.

Take care babes x

Hi Babes & Happy New Year! Wow thread has been so busy! green today's a new day & hope you are feeling better than yesterday & can completely relate with all you were feeling yesterday. MA amazing about your dd, you must have been so proud watching her on tv
I went to a party on Hogmany, ended up having a good time but tried to be really careful with what I was drinking & stuck to cider & didn't touch any wine. Had a couple of glasses of fizz at the bells. Had pre-booked taxi but cause we were havi g fun we cancelled it. Regret that a bit but don't think I behaved too badly. Then yesterday didn't feel the awful shame & regret that I normally do. Manage to visit in-laws then go to my parents for New Years Day dinner, was tired but not shaky. Think all the advice and reading this thread is helping so much to make me more aware of my drinking. 1st day for me today of dry January. Going to do this. Loved loved your post faire really want to be on the other side, going to venture through the mist today. mouse did you enjoy UP, watched it last night for the first time, what a fab wee film Hope so much you have had respite from your pain
Thank you to all this thread for being brave, amazing and inspirational xxx

hello all Well, I am back at work (in body at least...) Luckily I am the manager so am just moving a few bits of paper around and replying to extraordinarily dull e mails etc, I will probably go home soon as still feel a bit low from the bronchitis. Last night was a bit odd. DH went out to the pub in the afternoon to watch football and there is still a ton of booze in the house from the 'season'. I was very tempted to have a glass of red wine but thought what would be the point?? Also had a very worried text from my eldest dd - she had seen a comment on fb from one of my friends calling me 'pisshead' as a joke as I had sent a nonsense text on NYE - I wasn't horrendously drunk but hadn't got my glasses on which made the text rubbish dd is terrified I'm going to go back to how I was when she was younger - and i was very very bad indeed. Managed to reassure her. Bless her. She's in her twenties and still scared :( ds12 was also saying 'whats that in that mug mum?' all last evening. Makes me realsie that acttaully it has been creeping up again and i have to stop completely. I can do it and I will. I hope everyone is ok. Still haven't got round to catching up with you all... sorry, will spend this day reading thread away from family!!

morning Babes! I managed to stay off the booze last night, rather pleased with myself! 2 things:

1. it wasn't as hard as I'd convinced myself it would be
2. a few months ago if I'd been planning to only drink at weekends, I'd have drunk up that little bit of wine, saying after it was gone I could have a fresh start, no alcohol in the house etc

so it appears I'm slowly getting better, day by day, week by week. all thanks to the Bus!

purple sorry about the Tasty Farmer. I thought he seemed quite keen. is it worth one last attempt to make sure you haven't got your wires crossed?

Well that's half a bottle of wine down the sink and another six bottles put at the back of the garage where hopefully they'll stay for at least a month.

Christmas port, spirits etc I will sort later as they are still on the sideboard but not as much of a risk for me.

Ma I think we need to be kind to ourselves and give it at least a week to see if we feel the benefits of not drinking and try the nytol for tiredness.

Lookingfor Gastritis is horrible as it beating self with stick - we can stop both if we want to by quitting the booze.

Purple I don't think you sound desperate at all - completely normal feelings and you've actually been really dignified about the whole thing. Looks like Farmer Boy is either a bit weak or hedging his bets so right to back off - see if absence makes the heart grow fonder and he starts chasing, but yes don't settle for the crumbs. I'm actually really proud of you re farmer boy, I think you've maintained your self respect. I'm sorry you feel sad - loneliness another big trigger.... I don't think you should question your judgement, you can't expect to make the right call on someone straight away - it takes time to get to know what someone's like - you took things slowly and kept your expectations in check . I've questioned my marriage this year (think I've had a full on midlife crisis!) but I do know I'd HATE to be dating again, it's tough to have to put yourself out there, deal with rejection, idiots etc but hopefully there is some fun in there too and you will find your prince even if you have to kiss a few frogs first x

I'm going to do the Cost Benefit Analysis featured on that SMART video. I need a written reminder. I reach the bottom like yesterday and can see the costs all too clearly then the memory fades and I repeat the same mistakes believing somehow it will all be different. DH has bought me a diary for Xmas - God knows why I haven't used one since 2006 - anyway I'm going to use that to do some of these exercises and just jot down some general thoughts then I can refer back to it in future.

Re the bootcamp - I'm opting out for now - priority is to cut out booze and fags (started again in last three months like an idiot) then I'll worry about losing weight. However stats as follows as it may be interesting to see if I lose weight by just being off the wine.

Height 5'6
Weight 10st 12

BMI almost 25 - very top of normal range, couple of pounds more and I slip into overweight - I'm a size 14 have a big belly and a massive double chin - would like to lose a stone but first goal will be 6lb otherwise it just seems to big a task for me. Right now to see if I can get some work done

Ma one of the many advantages to not drinking is the wonderful sleep. Stick with it, it will come eventually, hopefully within a few days.

I'm heading out onto that ledge today. I can just see clutter disappearing into the mist in front of me. See you on the other side

Purple I had a little giggle to myself way back when Mouse misinterpreted 'TF' and thought you were calling him 'Twat Face' . Maybe it was a prophecy?

Anyway, there could be many reasons why he's not the one for you, nothing to do with who you are but more about himself. Let's face it, he doesn't know the 'real' you either does he, so there will be lots about him that you're not aware of yet.

On the plus side, you were able to go out with him for a meal and a couple of other dates, all without needing to drink. You had a chance to 'road test' some social situations without alcohol and, as I recall, they worked out very well for you. You were pleased that you didn't drink.

Another bonus, is that you don't have to torture yourself thinking you embarrassed yourself or ruined an evening by drinking to much and blaming all the problems in the relationship on yourself.

< silver lining >

Re the boot camp. I do want to diet, having put on about half a stone over the last few weeks, (how can that happen !), but I am mostly going to concentrate on dry January. Not going to worry too much about being strict with other calories as I'm still trying to stick to 'everything in moderation'. So if I want a biscuit I'll have one and won't beat myself up over it! That's got me into trouble in the past

Well I have liked Dry January on facebook so now it's out there and I can't go back :)

Umm diet pretty bad have already had several chocolates, some chocolate fingers, chocolate cake and crisps as well as my lunch ah well refueling after yesterday I guess - one thing at a time! xx

East sounds like the family are very aware so hopefully that will be a motivation. So many things SHOULD be a motivation though, but still we work round it dont we?
Am making healthy soup then going to force myself out for a walk - and I really will need to use some will power today. Will find something on the ipod and just put one foot in front of the other for half an hour. think I'm due on as well so feel really crabbit. God, no alochol and ToM. My work colleagues are going to love me tomorrow!

Good luck to everyone embarking on their Dry January - you can do it keep strong play the video forward to the end and think where that first sip will take you. Instead sit on the Bus and let it direct you to a nice calm and hangover free place.

And to all the Bootcampers - you could drop a dress size just by cutting out the booze by end of January too! I've so many lovely things from my smaller days I'd love to wear again - was it only 5 years ago that DDs Art teacher called me 'glamorous' !!

I'm off to have a long hard look at the house - "I can see clearly now the fog has gone" sings along to can't remember his name - who's in charge of singalongs again ? Oh how I have neglected everything. A couple of hours of scrubbing, mopping and hoovering should burn a few christmas calories.

A nice bath, make dinner for me and DD2 and off to the lovely candlelight AA meeting tonight for an hour or so. My day sorted!

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY.

Testing

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Well, DH is ill and puking. We're still in North Yorks and I got stuck in bed again this morning. There's no way I can drive that far home, plus I'm over medded so I could get up. DD has been a star but I was striping the bed at 3am because Nemo had a really upset tum that escaped from his nappy. Deep joy

I could weep. On phone so short posts but well done to day 1 of the Brave Babes Bootcamp xxxxx

Mouse Truly for fucks sake! - if there is a God or anyone upstairs, will they please give you and your family a break!!! Weep, weep and weep some more then I would probably laugh manically as really there is nothing else you can do right now accept go with the madness that is thrown your way and hope that karma will find you and bless you in the future - reach for the bottle and things will just get much worse but you worked that one out already.

Well I did the Cost benefit analysis

www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Quick_Reference/CBA_Worksheet.pdf

I think a very useful and interesting exercise not so much the costs - risks and disadvantages but actually being really honest about the benefits of drinking what I get from it and what the disadvantages are of giving it up of which I have highlighted quite a few - I think better to go into it knowing and accepting what you are choosing to give up then there are no surprises and you know that you've made that choice to give those things up for the many advantages you'll gain. I've done one for drinking and one for smoking and pinned them both to the inside of my diary for today. Right now Dry January is just risking becoming a huge procrastination tool to keep me from working so I must leave it there for today and might look at another one of the exercises from smart tomorrow.

Faire thank you for your lovely words of wisdom you are truly a great credit to this thread.

Love to all xx

Aw mouse how awful for you & your family. Hope that you are with family or really, really good friends x sending hugs to you all ((( ))) wishing that your luck changes soon

Hope you, DH and Nemo feel better soon Mouse xxx

Well I'm feeling strong and determined today. Slightly concerned about the surfeit of naughty food and booze left over in the fridge from the festive period. Had a lovely NYE with friends here, lots of good wine and got pleasantly drunk but not hammered. Felt ok yesterday but by late afternoon I was feeling a bit rubbish (fighting off a cold) and not really like drinking (very unusual for me!) but I was determined to finish of the nice bottle of white from NYE. Had that (about half a bottle) and a couple of small glasses of red. Slept fitfully as usual but not too badly and woke up this morning feeling really glad that I'm not going to be smelling that sickly stale booze smell (that lately seems to emanate from me every night/morning) for the next couple of months.

So I've had a lowish GI lunch of blinis (batter left over from NYE) with salmon and creme fraiche. I'm debating what to do about the puddings/crisps/assorted delicious but naughty things still open. I suppose I could just let DD and DP eat them.

In the fridge there is:
Dregs of a bottle of cheapy white that someone brought round. That's going down the sink.
Quarter of a bottle of really special dessert wine. Saving that to have a little glass each with a nice pudding at the weekend (I know this breaches my no-white rule but I'm not wasting such lovely stuff!).
Three quarters of a bottle of decent white. I want to keep this vacuum corked in the fridge to use in sauces, as it always annoys me when I'm not drinking white when there isn't then any available for sauces and gravy. I don't want to be putting too much temptation in my way though if I have a weak moment so I'm a bit unsure as to what to do.

For me my danger time is always 5pm (when my resolve starts weakening and I start thinking about wine) until about 7.30pm (once I've eaten I'm ok). When I'm hungry, my will is very weak, so it's vital for me to keep nourished and not be hungry during that danger time, so I need to eat a low GI snack around 4.30pm. I'm going to aim for earlier dinner times too - around 6.30pm.

That's all for now. Be Brave, Babes.

Hi babes
mouse sending you my best wishes. Really hope you don't get the stomach bug too.Are Dh and nemo feeling better?

green you were being hard on yourself earlier but you sound much more positive in your last post- good! I'm going to join smart today and will do the online meeting on sunday. I would have joined yesterday but after I'd finished being rude on here, I was too hungover to set about doing anything useful.I now realise that on NYE I had most of a bottle of wine on an empty stomach and that's why I was so ill. What an idiot!

purple faire was right in her post about tf, you two don't know each other that well yet. Anyway, on the bus we don't care about tf we care about you and you went on a date sober. People who don't have a problem with drink rarely mange that!

ma I was going to be rude to you but not sleeping is so horrible that I'll be sympathetic instead.

obrigada that wedding sounds horrible, I wouldn't go. I wonder if you might be about to come down with a nasty stomach bug, perhaps early on thursday morning? Might be a good idea to stay at home in the warm.(not that I would wish a real bug on anyone)